OMG Simone, You're not putting a depressing spin on things!
Don't get me wrong. Having a prem baby is so hard and, like you I have struggled with depression, so know how easy it is to spiral down.
It is so understandable that you are feeling this way and you vent, cry and scream here all you like, Lord knows I do That's what we're here for, to support one another.
Hang in there hun.