I didnt even get to have a cuddle, and i saw her for less than a minute. She's back under lights, her sbr level's are at 177... just over the cut-off. It does this every week. When i got there, the boys started running a muck, and i asked for a breast feed, and the nurse just looked at the boys and said "are you sure?" i told her their dad was coming to pick them up... then dh rang, whinging he was sore, and he was going straight home. I told him that i wanted to bf bub, and to come pick up the boys, and he said he was alost home anyway! even after he told me he would be going straight to the hospital. So after peering into her cot for like 20 seconds, the boys went crazy, and i had to leave. I cried all the way to the car, and for about 15 mins in the car. DS kept teling me to "calm down mum, dont cry!" And DH told me to put the kids to bed, and go in and spend as much time with her as i wanted tonight, and then spent the entire evening whinging he never see's her - he goes in after work most days. I havent held my bubba for 2 days, and i cant go in to see her tomorrow, as dh has to do overrtime to earn enough to buy ds some birthday presents... mooney has been so tight lately. So i wont even get to go in tomorrow at all. I hate this, is just wish she had stayed put so i could be like all the other mums that were in the ward with me, and had my baby with me, then taken her home. Instead i have to ask a nurse to take her out of the isolette for me, and generally it take about 1/2 an hour to get their attention just to ask, and im so priveledged (sp?) just to breastfeed her, which i've done about 3 times. Sorry to have such a long rant, i'm hijacking this thread!! but you guys are the only ones who understand how frustrating this is. I can feel myself spiralling into my pit of depression, my milk supply is disappearing, nothing seems to be going right for us at the moment, and all i can do is cry non stop... once again, sorry to have such a long vent, thanks for reading, if you managed to get this far... im sure things will get better.