as all the other posters have said, you need to be able to make the decisions that affect your body, during your labour. i think your dh needs to grow up and get his head out of his backside.
he had no right putting the guilties on you, and i think maybe you need to set some boundaries in place.
sorry you're going through this chickie, i have an extremely supportive dp, so i have no experience in what you are going through, i just know that you don't have to.
Oh hun I am so sorry your going through this the girls have given you great advice so I wont repeat it!
But I would be asking the sex at a routine checkup..do they have a scan thing in the room? And then dont tell DH what it is..make sure you tell him you are finding out though cause it may cause more trouble if you dont xxx
I'd just like to say that at our 20 week scan we chose not to find out our baby's gender (although I did tell the u/sound lady, if it showed up it was ok), DH was not there at the time, I took a girlfriend with me. This decision was made because DH did not want to know. I went along with it, because I didn't know if I could keep it from him. It was recorded on to the DVD and when I came home I sat and went thru it, over and over til I found it, then rang back to confirm what I thought I had seen. I'm now 38 weeks, DH still doesn't know what we're having, my eldest son does, my youngest does not. I have also told a few close friends that I know would not tell. I also had my Ob confirm it for me at a later date, however when DH came with me to a later appointment, he told the Ob he did not want to know and that area was avoided during that scan.
Is it possible for you to find out by yourself. It's not too hard a secret to keep, I just keep changing from him/her, she/he whenever I talk about bub, we've discussed both "types" of names. When I have bought clothes I've been alone (or with my eldest son - which is how he found out).
I'd be talking with the midwifes/doctors and letting them know that you will be making the decisions as to what pain relief you will be using. This is not your DH's decision, you are the one going through this, does he say why he doesn't want you using pain relief.
I am so sorry that your DH is being so disrepectful to you and your wishes.... i think it's fair enough for you to find out the sex of your baby, fine if he doesnt want to know but why should you not be allowed to find out just because he doesnt want to know.
As for the not being ALLOWED to have a Epi , i dont think he has any right in telling you what you can and cant have during labour ...... they have no idea what our bodies go through to birth our gorgeous bubba's.
Perhaps you can ring (or pop-in if close) to the sonographer's and say you've changed your mind and would really like to know. You can still let it be a suprise for DH at the birth, but if he really feels strongly about it - I can understand why it would be hurtful for people other than you to know about the sex of his baby before him if that's a bit deal to him, would you consider keeping it from your mum and BF and just satisfying your own curiosity.
My DH doesn't come to the majority of my antenatal appointments due to work etc - so the ladies' suggestion of talking to the midwives about your pre-determined pain relief options is a good idea - they can make a special note so that when you come into the hospital whoever delivers will know. The MW at your last birth probably assumed you had strong ideas about not having one prior and had asked DH to stop you IYKWIM - so if they know this isn't the case, you should be able to avoid this again.
Hope whatever you decide you feel better about it all soon. All the best.
I am overwhelmed at all the support ladies, thank you so much! I really do appreciate it as well as the advice.
I have calmed down a lot this morning, but DH and I still have a lot to talk about. I will definately be telling the hossy when I book in that I'd like the option of an Epi IF I ask... Of course I'd prefer not to, but I'd only ask for it if I was desperate.
I am lucky enough that both my GP and OB do a little scan at each check up so it's not as if the window is closed, but I just had my heart set on finding out at this scan. Once again DH and I will be doing a lot of talking about it. Someone made a good point that her and DH wanted to find out together so decided to find out at the birth, that certainly got me thinking!
MiniMax - You crack me up dear, I love the V home job comment!!!
One more thing to add which is really important...
DH is generally a very supportive person who has helped me through a lot over the years, I can usually rely on him with anything and everything, it just (as some of you have said) he can be VERY stubborn and when he gets his mind set there is really no changing it.... He definately gets that from his mother! He does his very best to talk everyone around to go along with him, but sometimes that doesn't work and I get my nose out of joint.
He was really upset with all of my crying yesterday after the scan, which I wasn't doing to try and get him to change his mind, it was just raw emotion, but it didn't even get him thinking.
Please don't think he's a horribe person, cuz he really is a sweet heart. We live and work together so being together 24/7 can build up feels over time then they all start over flowing at times like these.
Oh Pish just came across this . You had been looking forward to you scan so much and were so excited, I'm so sorry that DH ruined that experience for you.
If you really do want to find out, can you sneak a look next time your at the OB?
I agree with the other posters, especially about the epi - it's your body, your the one that has to get the baby out. I would be having a quiet word with your Ob & widwives and let them know you do want the option of choice if YOU decide you do want an epi or any other form of pain relief you want at the time.
As my Ex-SIL once described childbirth.....it's like sh*tting a watermelon, I'd ask DH if he would like to do that without painkillers!!!
Back again as I just read your latest post....
I'm sure you two will sort it all out soon but still big I'm sure there isn't anyone who's posted here who hasn't wanted to grab their DH, DF, DP, DB by the shoulders and shake some sense into them at some stage Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and the excitement of meeting your new bub, whether you decide to find out or wait.
Last edited by ~Phoenix~; December 8th, 2009 at 07:20 AM.
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Oh hun I am so sorry your going through this 
Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and the excitement of meeting your new bub, whether you decide to find out or wait.
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