I wouldve found out what I am having if DH wasn't so set on not finding out...and i can live with that.... we will both keep it a surprise for the day as something we can enjoy together rather than finding out seperately.
I don't think it's right for him to dictate to you that that is what you should be doing, instead he should be giving you a pretty good reason for not wanting to find out. then one of you changing your decision (not always necessarily him)....

As for the epi, yes ultimately it is your choice and your experience sounds horrible and i'm so sorry that happened... does he have a reason for not wanting you to have it other than a natural labour??? I would be getting someone to sit down with him and explain everything about it to him - pros and cons... maybe he has just heard cons about it and is worried about you and the baby?

Hope everything works out for you.