Huge hugs for you Pish.

I'd just like to say that at our 20 week scan we chose not to find out our baby's gender (although I did tell the u/sound lady, if it showed up it was ok), DH was not there at the time, I took a girlfriend with me. This decision was made because DH did not want to know. I went along with it, because I didn't know if I could keep it from him. It was recorded on to the DVD and when I came home I sat and went thru it, over and over til I found it, then rang back to confirm what I thought I had seen. I'm now 38 weeks, DH still doesn't know what we're having, my eldest son does, my youngest does not. I have also told a few close friends that I know would not tell. I also had my Ob confirm it for me at a later date, however when DH came with me to a later appointment, he told the Ob he did not want to know and that area was avoided during that scan.

Is it possible for you to find out by yourself. It's not too hard a secret to keep, I just keep changing from him/her, she/he whenever I talk about bub, we've discussed both "types" of names. When I have bought clothes I've been alone (or with my eldest son - which is how he found out).

I'd be talking with the midwifes/doctors and letting them know that you will be making the decisions as to what pain relief you will be using. This is not your DH's decision, you are the one going through this, does he say why he doesn't want you using pain relief.