Willow,

I carried a lot of resentment about my DH not wanting another child for a long time. But we have talked about it so many times that I'm starting to see his POV. It still hurts, and yes I too feel punished for not being able to have an oopsy pregnancy like 'normal' people do, but I am learning to find some sort of peace with it. I will never ever be completely okay with it, and for a long time I harboured the fear that if my desire for another child began to outweigh my love for him, it would mean the end of us. But mostly I remember that he had the option of being with someone else who wouldn't have brought with them the kind of fertility issues I did, and had as many children as he could have afforded without the cost of IVF, but he chose to be with me. So now I choose to be with him.

And he has said that even without the fertility issues, he would have been happy with one child. I believe him because I see how much of his world revolves around Charlie. One of us will not get what we want, and tbh it's usually not me. He has said that if I pushed him, he would agree to go back, but I don't want to win like that, not over something this important that I need him to want it too. So on this, I have decided to compromise. So we've stopped trying.

I don't know if that helps you at all, but please know I'm here if you want to hash it out further. It was a long and painful road for me to accept what I have, so I know how you feel, and I empathise so very much with you.