Just want to thank you all so much for your thoughts and kind words You are such a lovely bunch of women. I had the d & c yesterday and went ok, i am feeling pretty good physically today, but of course the emotional healing is going to take a lot longer.
I want to wish you all the very best for safe & happy pregancies. I hope to be back one day with good news...we must keep the HOPE.
I am glad to hear that the d&c went ok, I hope you recover from that quickly. I also hope and believe that you will be back in here one day, just give yourself some time and when you are ready you will know. Best of luck with your journey xoxox.
Ladies - your thoughts please!
My sister, who lives in Europe and I am not particularly close to has made little effort in keeping in touch or asking about my 1st IVF miracle who is now 16 months (she didn't send her so much as a Christmas or 1st birthday card this year). My sister is two years older than me and got pregnant her first month of trying (my 1st month of trying IVF for #2). She just had her baby and named her son the name my DH and I have wanted to call our son if we have one for as long as I can remember (she didn't know it was our name, so it wasn't deliberate). I told my Mum and Dad right away and both of them said it was just bad luck and I'll have to think of another name (although my Mum cooled a bit when she realised I was serious about the name) The one friend who I told (who has a nephew herself with the same name so knew she was safe to tell as she has already told me her boys names!) said I should call him what I want as my sister has nothing to do with my life in Australia as none of my friends have ever met her (she's lived overseas for almost 15 years). I know I should be really happy for her, but I am really ****ed off. I don't have another name, and feel like any name we are forced to pick would never be the name I want but the main issue is that it's my DH's choice of names for his boy and he doesn't want to change it for someone who he's had nothing to do with and who he's not seen make any effort with our DD. We don't even know the sex of the baby, nor if it's OK yet as we have yet to have our 12 week scan, but this is driving me a bit crazy!
Can't ask many people their thoughts on this - so would appreciate any advice.
xxx
Lairdoz - I totally understand where you are coming from. I had a girl in my mother's group call her DD exactly the name I had told her we wanted if we had a girl next! But we decided that if this bub is a girl we might use that name anyway (if it suits). You just never know with names - we had a short list for our DD but none of them seemed to fit her when she was born so we ended up with something different. I guess if you don't have much to do with your sister then it won't really matter what your bub is called, although she may think it strange if you 'copy' her DS name - or is it a family name, then you could get away with it.
Maybe try not to worry about it at the moment, especially as you don't know what you're having yet????
By the way good luck in your 12 week scan, hope it all goes well.
Lairdoz, if you ask me, the main reason to not use the same name is to avoid confusion. If they're not going to have much contact and you have developed an attachment to the name, then I think you should still be able to use it. If it's just the first name, you could consider using it as a middle name instead, but it sounds like that's unnecessary in this situation. We picked girls names back in 2003 and since then, not 1 but 2 people working for the same company as me have used the exact combination of first and second name that we picked (the most recent one to use it works in the office next to mine, the other is interstate). But we've had our hearts set on that name for 7 years, so I'll be d*mned if anyone is going to stop us using it just because there might be some confusion at the 1 or 2 work social events we have per year (unfortunately, neither of us are likely to leave this company in a hurry). The only thing is I had been toying with adding an extra middle name before they used it (does anyone have any thoughts on using 2 middle names?) but DH doesn't seem to like the idea. If we do have a girl you can be certain that the birth announcement email for work will include a footnote saying that we chose this name in 2003 and will not find any "jokes" about copying others funny. Ps, you're under 200 days to go!!
Yogi, I'm glad to hear your physical recovery is going well. I hope to see you back here soon with a very sticky bfp.
Hi to everyone else. Sorry to be quiet lately, I've had a cold for the last week and have been feeling rotten, so laying low. Still sick, but back at work today.
Has anyone else had issues with their DH not wanting to let others share their news? My DH won't give my parents permission to tell the wider family or their friends (his family isn't that close, so it's a non-issue on that side, plus his parents already have 5 grandchildren). He keeps saying, "it's our news". He doesn't seem to understand that my parents are excited about their first grandchild and that it is their news too in that respect. I'm not sure what to do. I've got DH being stubborn and my mum saying this in the email I got this morning: "It is over 14 weeks now, it’s getting a bit stupid not allowing us to spread the good news."
Thanks so much ladies, such a frivolous thing to worry about, but I am still stuck at home sick so little things can get me all worked up!
Maggie my plan is to tell my sister before we find out the sex, this way she has time to get used to the idea that if it is a boy, their names will be the same (she has called her son a shortened version of a longer name, we will give our son the full length version) but also know why I am not sharing the sex if we find out as I don’t want my family (or anyone else) knowing the name and sex of my baby before it’s born. I am not into lying so can't find out the sex and pretend I don't know and I want to know!
Juniper, my DD has two middle names, purely because the initials with the names we loved were awful together, so had to add another family name.
With regards to sharing news, I didn't tell anyone until I was 16 weeks last time. I do understand completely how excited grandparents get, but it's a really tough journey to be a parent by IVF, so I guess your DH is just getting his head around this being real, which of course you know it is!
If you know how to get rid of a cold while pregnant, please let me know too!!
Its been a little while since I've popped in, so much to catch up on!
Firstly, a big WELCOME to airline and Tantee! Great to see you both in here. Airline, I remember you from the LTTTC threads from last year. And Tantee, you're definitely in the right place! KWYM about the anxious wait for the 7wk scan, I went and got another blood test from my GP at the 6 week mark to tide me over! As others have said, take it one day at a time if you can. The old PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) helps too, I learnt that in here.
Lairdoz - how damn annoying about the name thing! I'm with the others - just call your baby what you want to, your sister shouldn't have any impact on that. I'm married to someone with the same name as me, and even that doesn't get too confusing, so cousins on opposite sides of the world should be fine!
Juniper - I had DH not wanting to tell anyone our news til after the 12wk scan (his family included). When we told his parents, we asked them not to tell anyone for a little while, as we still had some people we wanted to tell personally. We gave them permission to tell 2 of their friends after a few days, and that satisfied their urgent need to tell someone! Maybe that could be an option for DH? Let them tell one or two people you're not going to speak to personally? Just a suggestion.
MaggiePie - I hear you on the baby brain! Forgetting stuff and having rather a lot of vague moments. Had my worst one so far - I just knocked my passenger wing mirror off today, after getting too close to a power pole while parking Dunno how I'm going to explain that one to DH...
Brunette - hope you had a lovely weekend away at your friends wedding / mini-babymoon!
Jaki80 - best of luck for your scan tomorrow. you see a lovely heartbeat!
Hi to all that I've missed, hope you're all travelling well!
AFM - Just got back from a fantastic long weekend up in the Hunter Valley, celebrating our 2nd anniversary. DH was delighted with himself, having a chauffer to drive him around to all the wineries to do wine tasting. I was delighted with waking up every morning without a hangover I'm going through food withdrawals now though, and am so depressed at the prospect of having to cook dinner, after having not had to do it for 3 days... I did surprise myself with how much food I put away on the weekend, my appetite has definitely increased. I've never been able to eat as much as I can now! Uh-oh...
Lairdoz, thanks. It's good to know others do wait a bit longer than that "end of 1st trimester" milestone that so many people get caught up on. I think mum's taking it hard because she expected to be able to tell at 12 weeks. And I get really worked up about the name thing so it's not just you. As for the cold, I have no idea. I took polaramine while my nose was all blocked up and that was great for 2 whole nights and then everything changed and now I can't take anything to relieve the symptoms. If I weren't pg I'd be taking a mucolytic, but I suspect that something which thins mucous isn't a good idea right now. It does slowly seem to be improving, but it's been just over a week now.
Leabie, good to hear you had a great weekend! My sister got married in the Hunter in Feb and it's just gorgeous. Congratulations on your anniversary! It's funny you say that about letting your parents tell two friends. I almost suggest mum could tell one friend (my BFF's mum), but then I remembered my BFF saying her mum was a blabbermouth and decided against it. Also, my BFF's brother has a habit of posting unwanted comments on my facebook profile and he still lives with his parents (I changed my settings so he can't write on my profile after one comment too many, but I know he sometimes uses his mum's profile).
Well, DH just pulled a "Fine. Whatever." type moment. He's sick of hearing about it so she can tell who she wants. Of course, now I'm ticked off at him changing his mind just to shut me up.... Gotta love pg hormones!!
ETA:
Worrywart, you posted while I was writing. Sorry to hear about the casserole. I don't think you're being melodramatic (unless I am too). The name we picked out has been something like a talisman for us to hold on to through 3.5 years of TTC. I even named my blog for it. It's not just some name; it's the name of our daughter. And if we only ever have boys, then it will always be the name of the daughter we never had.
Lairdoz, I'm glad you've got your plan in place. That is such a hard one. How strange that your sister chose exactly the same name. I can totally understand you being p***ed off. God, I would be. Actually, my younger bro's wife is pregnant, due a week or two before me (conceived easily) and yes, actually, he told us their names straight away (he is a sensitive one, I'm lucky) and thank god, they were ... well, hilariously different to the ones we'd had our hearts set on for a while now (my bro and his wife are performers, and me and my DH are basically public servants, kinda different personalities!). But still, these names are kind of so way out that we still worry, what if they change their minds once the baby arrives and choose one of "our" names. You can also feel like you're being an "idiot" because thank god, you're having a baby and what's in a name, and so forth. But I think names are really special and they're for life, so I think they're really important too. Plus it's that tiny bit of "confidence" or "attachment" that we can have, having had such a rough time with TTC, and sometimes it's hard to know what else to hold on to. Maybe that's a bit melodramatic. I'm exhausted. I just dropped a beef casserole on the kitchen floor and thus simultaneously missed out on lunch, and had to clean for half an hour!
Juniper, actually we were both like that at first, because my mum was being kind of pushy, plus she was telling everyone about my brother's impending "fatherhood" (which sounds ridiculous to me, because he's younger, but then I kind of forget my own age!), and it was kind of galling, somehow. If anything, I was the most resistant one. And my DH did say that exact thing "it's our news" but then we decided we just couldn't be a**ed phoning everyone, and also my cousin said something, which just made things seem really simple. He said "Well, it's nice for the grannies to have a bit of a role". And I thought, oh, yes, hang on, my mum really loves us and she's just excited and not "gossiping" and this is a good way to involve her. Anyway, the deadline was today. It will be out as of now.
And as for colds, steam inhalations are pretty good at killing germs in the sinus.
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Thank you to all
You are such a lovely bunch of women. I had the d & c yesterday and went ok, i am feeling pretty good physically today, but of course the emotional healing is going to take a lot longer.
to airline and Tantee! Great to see you both in here. Airline, I remember you from the LTTTC threads from last year. And Tantee, you're definitely in the right place! KWYM about the anxious wait for the 7wk scan, I went and got another blood test from my GP at the 6 week mark to tide me over! As others have said, take it one day at a time if you can. The old PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) helps too, I learnt that in here.
Dunno how I'm going to explain that one to DH...
you see a lovely heartbeat!
I'm going through food withdrawals now though, and am so depressed at the prospect of having to cook dinner, after having not had to do it for 3 days... I did surprise myself with how much food I put away on the weekend, my appetite has definitely increased. I've never been able to eat as much as I can now! Uh-oh...
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