Audax TBH I don't think it does get easier, at least not in the beginning. I needed to find way of managing the anxiety cos it never went away. So going for walks, relaxation CDs, journalling, talking it out, BB all helped and still help. Like eliselouise said, the relief after seeing or hearing the HB only lasts a few days befroe the fear comes back. And god forbid there's spotting or cramping or the symptoms fade, cos then it can cause a major panic attack!

Darl, it was just last week at nearly 20wks that I was crying on the lounge being held by DH cos I hadn't felt bub move and I was dreading this week's scan. Well I first felt bub for sure on Saturday morning. Then nothing until Tuesday, so I went into the scan sure something was wrong, but there was our bub with a little HB and everything looked normal. And i finally felt him/her again later that afternoon. Yesterday I felt bub move at least 3 times and the relief and joy is amazing, but it's taken til 21wks to get here.

It's not fair, but once we've gone through a loss, the innocence is gone. Also, reading about others' losses can increase the anxiety, cos then we never feel 100% safe. The other things i stopped doing in order to reduce the fear included not reading stories of loss. I also stopped having my betas and progesterone measured, because I kept freaking out each time I had a blood test or went in for the results. It's a bit like PTSD. i was actually in the waiting room for the GP before getting the test result, but my mind was back in the hospital theatre just before the D&C. I was a wreck and my BP went through the roof - not good for bub. I concluded that it was better for me and better for bub if I just stuck my head in the sand and hoped for the best, because what I was doing wasn't helping.

Sorry for the novel, but I hope you know what you're going through is totally normal. Your job is to learn to manage the stress as best you can, knowing that any number of things will trigger it. It will get better the further along you go, but I don't think the stress ever competely goes until bub is born safe and well.

As for bonding, don't beat yourself up about it. Send bub lots of positive thoughts and love when you're upset, so they know you're OK, but otherwise try not to worry. They are well protected in there. TBH, I'm only just feeling I can start "bonding" now I can feel bub move, but even then it still feels a bit weird atm. I'm not going to push it - it will come.

mummyof4 - remember scans don't have a great accuracy - at the early stage it can be 5-7 days either side.

I hope everyone else is well. I don't have as much access as before - seems that work have blocked BB Must have been overdoing it, so I can only post from home.