Audax - Oh sweetie. Pregnancy after loss is an incredibly hard journey. Unimaginably so. We all find our own way through the unimaginable. I think I am lucky because I am so stubborn I am determined to make the most of this pregnancy, however long I have. I am seriously stubborn. Also I might be assisted by my personality in addition to my stubborness. I can't really add too much beyond what Tash said ( wise one

My friends daughter couldn't even acknowledge her most recent pregnancy. At scans she would not look and refused to accept anyone telling her the baby was ok. I just feel so much for her. The pain and fear she held through that pregnancy. But then bubs came, and my friend says she's fine, bonded and doing well.

You will find your way. Don't feel bad or guilty about how you feel, it is what it is. If how you feel actually worries you a lot, maybe go see a cousellor?

How to get through it? When I was really scared at the begining, I would put my hands on my belly and just talk to my baby, about my fears and dreams. I still do it. It helps me in two ways - to get them out and to actually hear them, and to have some physical connection with bubs. It's a bit easier now to feel that connection as I am pretty sure I am getting a baby bump and not a lazy bump. I also journal. A lot of the ways I would usually deal with anxiety I can't access in this pregnancy - exercise, hard exercise, going out, going to work and getting lost in other people's problems. But I spend A LOT of time on BB and it helps.

How you doing today?

Milly5 - oh sweetie. I know how you feel, so desperate for people to actually understand, to feel an inkling of what you do. But you kow what? You don't have to justify yourself, not to anyone. You did what you needed to do at the time. To be honest, I don't think the young girl would have been too worried by it. When I was pregnany with Amelia, I hardly gave any thought that what happened to my friend ( whose son was stillborn on the eve before his EDD) would happen to me, even though I had already had a m/c. The pysche is weird sometimes.

Milly, some things are unimaginable until you experience them. Thankyou for your kind words, they are truly touching. In all honesty? I feel privileged and honoured to have given birth to Amelia and Sophie and to have been in labour. Desipite the heartbreaking circumstances, it is truly a wonderous and amazing experience, including the pain.The pain is not something I could have ever anticipated nor my reaction to it. But it's a journey I went on with the help of my babies. I have a very real connection with all of my babies as result, even wee Nicholas. I feel like a mother, to my very essence I know I am a mother. I have never felt such love nor such pain. I was scared beyond belief when I went into labour with Amelia, particualrly when it became evident the progress of the labour could not be stopped and labour itself was imminent. But my wonderful obstetrician prepared me for every step and stage along the way in such a gentle way for Ameila. Luckily, because we didn't get that with Sophie and DH and I were pretty much on our own, our Ob wasn't on call that night, but we were both much more aware of the process and what we might expect from each other. Just a busy night in the hospital that night.

In amongst all the heartache, I know I have truly been blessed.

The definition of prematurity varies from state to state. In Qld its 20 weeks, so that means for legal purposes the baby has been born and there are various consequences that flow from your baby having a legal status. It does mean funeral arrangments, and baby bonus( that feels wrong, money for death). Wow, the funeral - that is really hard, really really hard. But for me, having a birth certificate and a funeral made me feel as if Amelia "counted" to the world and was recognised as such. It helped me make sense of it, that someone who was so important to me was also recognised officially by the world at large. And having already felt those things, it was much automatic to feel that was for Nicholas and Sophie, who didn't get legal status. I suppose it just really helped me in my grief journey. Yes at times some of those things were really, no exceptionally confronting and I didn't want to have to think about it, and was agnry that I was forced to think about them, but for me, ultimately it helped. Might not help for everyone though.

Tash - I have this interest, bordering on obsession at finding out about other later losses. For a while it just sent me into despair, and it also makes me more aware of the possibilities, but it also gives me, in some bizzare twist, some hope. A lot of fear but also hope. I suppose at the end of the day, I just keep repeating to myself, I beleive.

Mo4 - sweetie. I don't know too much about it, but have been told a lot its hard to be too accurate in the early scans. Try not to worry too much, but if you are, call your Dr first thing on Monday.

Geez this is a damn tough journey. I wish, in a way that none of us were on it and we were none the wiser, blissfully ignorant of the heartache and fear. But then again, that would be too easy huh?

Take care everyone, and big positive belly rubs to all.