Hey girls. I have just had a shocker of a day. Went to get my bloods this morning and the collector collapsed my vein, so I started crying a little bit, and then when she was done I just went outside and sat in the gutter and cried some more. Spoke to my dad last night, and didn't tell him. He didn't manage very well last time, and I don't feel like I will ever be able to tell him.

I'm not excited. I seem to have no concept of there being a baby at the end of this.

Having never seen a heartbeat before, I'd built it up in my mind into this enormous, incredible, life-changing event. And now I've seen it, it actually hasn't reassured me at all. I can't relax. I'm so worried that I won't be able to bond with this baby because I don't believe it's actually there.

How can I get through this?