I'm going to be a single mum....

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Oh Jessey I'm so sorry hun
Why is it that men think the ONLY way they can help is if they can give the bub a bottle?
If you were closer you'd be more than welcome here.

Why doesn't your sister want to hear from you? That sounds very harsh

Don't be afraid to accept help hun. It is one thing to feel guilty over accepting help or feeling bad because you couldn't do it on your own BUT that is much better than putting yourself in a position where you are worse off. DYKWIM?

The other thing I wonder is if you are staying living with Lyla's father you may find it VERY hard to claim the Centrelink you'd be entitled to as a single parent.

Add me to MSN if you need someone to chat to. I'm not too much older than you after all and I don't have many friends either so I'm happy to chat.



PS. You don't need his help darl. You CAN do it ALL BY YOURSELF. Just believe in yourself. It might be harder to think about, but what you're putting yourself through while you're still there is not healthy for you either.
We're here with you. Be Strong.

[~Raven~]

Why is it that men think the ONLY way they can help is if they can give the bub a bottle?

After you finish her feed, pass her onto him to burp, change, bath and cuddle! No excuses from him are acceptable and tell him that!

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Stay strong for Lyla!

Is there a reason why he can't move out? Does he own the house or is it rented? Seems a bit rough for you and HIS BABY to be out of a roof over your heads. He can go crash on someones couch a whole lot easier than for a mum and newborn!

[Amie]

Ok so I checked BB before bed and I have literally been in bed for over an hour but cannot sleep as I keep thinking about your situation and have been writing posts in my head. So figured I'd just get up and write one properly!

Jessey I know that right now you are hurting beyond anything you have felt before. I can only imagine how sad, hurt and probably scared you are. But please think about this...

Hurt does not make good decisions. Frustration does not make good decisions. And fear most definitely does not make good decisions. Unconditional love makes the strongest decisions. Let the love you have for your precious girl be the deciding factor. What is best for her and you? If your ex really does want to help, then ask him to. Ask him to "help with Lyla's bath/burping/nappy/etc" so that it is clear you are asking him about parent-related things, not relationship-related things. If you need to, set a time-frame in your mind. For example, "I'll give it 3 weeks. I will make lots of opportunities for him to help because he has said he wants to. I will share the parenting responsibilities. If he doesn't hold up his side, then I'm leaving".

You are strong beyond your wildest imagination. Never forget that you yourself conceived, housed, and birthed Lyla. Never forget that all of those things take incredible physical and emotional strength to do. You have it in you to do what's best. You can't control anything your ex says, does or doesn't do. You can only control how you respond and how you allow yourself to be treated.

I'm not pretending that I know how it feels to be in your shoes, I don't have the magic answer and I won't tell you what to do. Only you can make the decision. But think of this.... Imagine that in 20 years time Lyla is in the same position that you are in now. With all of the love you have for her, would you say to her "I know he is confusing you and isn't treating you well. I know he's not helping with the baby. I know he doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you. But just stay anyway." ??

If help is offered - take it! You need to put yourself and Lyla's needs first.

Sorry for the epic post, and I hope this doesn't feel like a lecture. Am sending love and hugs your way xox