What do you think are acceptable reasons for not having another baby?

[Arimeh]

Ok.. I know I keep going over and over this and people are probably getting realllly sick of me (sterla and willow just to name a couple haha)..

But I was thinking this morning, the reasons for NOT having another baby, are well, sort of selfish reasons?

Like, I've joined a gym and trying to get fit. If I get pregnant, I'll have to stop the gym, and then won't get fit. I don't want to be fat for the rest of my adult life - so then I'll be putting it on hold for another baby. Selfish? Yes.

And I want to eventually get on with my life, go to the big meet ups and let my hair down and get drunk and act like an idiot. But I don't want to do that being pregnant or with a young baby.

Also - I don't particularly like the newborn/baby stage. I do much better when my kids can tell me what they want, what they need, whats wrong with them, instead of trying to figure out the screaming Not particularly selfish, but the stage doesn't last for that long I know.

And also - fear from maybe not getting another natural birth. What if something happens next time, and last time was a complete fluke? What if the baby is breech and doesn't turn like DD2 did eventually? I don't particularly want another c-section, and probably letting fear get in the way of a reasonable decision making.

I'd be in pain from SPD. Definitely selfish for not wanting to go through some pain for another bub. Can't say I really look forward to failing breastfeeding again for the 4th time either. So again, selfish from me.

I know my kids would benefit from having another sibling, they totally love and adore each other now (with the exception of DD1 going through a hitting stage at the moment) but they just all hang out together, and the other two run to DD2 when she is upset about something, just to comfort her. So I know I'm bringing up a really close knit family for these kids.

So what are acceptable reasons for not having another baby? Financial? Emotional? Because I want to be a selfish git? LOL

Help me out here (except Sterla and Willow, cos I think they're ready to bang me over the head with a fry pan. Or Sterla will be tempted to drown me at the pool at gym one night...)

[black_rose]

Needing a bigger house, car and being able to provide for them comfortably are all things to think about. plus what about travelling in a few years much easier with two than three kids to chase after.

[~MummaBear~]

to be honest i dont think you *need* a reason not to have another baby. If you dont feel you are ready or that you want one that is good enough. and all of your reasons sound pretty valid to me. its not selfish that you dont want to be in pain or be fat for the rest of your life (byt he way i dont know if youa re fat or not just using your words lol) they are very valid reason and they are also issues that would contribute to your other kiddies. The getting on with your life bt might seem selfish but everyone has got to do it sometime!
anyway thats just MHO lol

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I think it's all relative y'know? What one person might consider selfish, may be a big deal to another person. I don't think anyone can sit there and say 'Mel, your reasons for NOT having another baby are stupid and selfish', and then send you to the bedroom for some nookie

I suppose the real question is - do you think your reasons are unacceptably selfish, or do you think you would resent the baby for missing out/posponing these things?

[Rowellen]

I think all reasons for not having another are perfectly acceptable. I don't think it's selfish at all to want to provide financially for your kids, be happy & healthy for yourself so you can be a better mum to your kids and as for giving them another sibling - well they can't miss what they never had IYKWIM! Maybe it is more selfish to have another as that will mean your other kids suffer because you are in pain and can't play with them or because they miss out on activities because you can't afford it. They will have their friends from school/sports/whatever they do as well so they don't necessarily need another sibling. I can't really comment on the birth/bf side as you just can't predict that. It sounds to me like you don't really want another but just love the idea of another. I could be way off track so give me a virtual face slap if you like. Tough decision to make I know but for me I have decided to limit myself to 2 for many of the same "selfish" reasons.

[Arimeh]

I suppose the real question is - do you think your reasons are unacceptably selfish, or do you think you would resent the baby for missing out/posponing these things?

Urghh I don't know.

Black_Rose - I already have 3 kids to chase after ETA: And we already have a 7 seater car

Maybe its cos 3 under 3 was really easy for me... LOL.. maybe I live on stress or something and now that I hardly have any, it feels like something is missing.. lol

Rowellen - I know that I would love another little boy, would really really love another little boy.. but that can't be guaranteed either.. lol

[boobaloo]

having another baby is completely personal, if you don't feel comfortable having another one, for whatever reason, then don't!
i'd love another bub, but i also get hyper-emesis, acid reflux, hormonal uproar etc, and after the crap that my body is still going through from miff's pregnancy, i probably will not have another one. these are selfish reasons, i don't like what happened to my body physically, or my mind mentally and emotionally. sometimes you have to be selfish, because if you have another one, and you're not 100% sure you wanted it in the first place, who knows if you'll resent it?
i know, i know, i'm blabbering now, and i don't even know if i'm making sense..
don't feel like you should have another baby, if you'are not positive, then either give it time to see if you change your mind, or leave it at the 3 beautiful kids you have!

[Nai]

Well for a start, not wanting pain from SPD is NOT a selfish reason. How hard is it on your kids to have you in pain and not able to do stuff? That sort of thing affects everyone including you so you can't write that one off as selfish. Wanting to get fit and healthy? Again, not selfish. I could go on but.....

At the end of the day it is up to you and what you feel that you and your family can deal with - it needs to be a balanced approach and look at all aspects financial, emotional, psychological, physical, logistical etc. Only you and you DH can work out what is best for you and the kids. All reasons are perfectly valid if they impact your family.

[Trillian]

I honestly think that sometimes you have to be a little selfish itms. Its not selfish to think about your own health/physical needs and put them first because if you don't look after your needs, you can't be as good a Mum as what you could be kwim.

For me, it is a lot of different reasons why I don't want anymore children, a lot of them similar to yours and a lot of them very different as well. There comes a point in your life where you know that you want to enjoy life without having young kids to look after or go home to and that doesn't mean you didn't love the early years or appreciate your kids being little it just means that you are ready for the next phase of your life.

[ezymay]

I dont think your reasons are selfish Mel! Mostly they are things that can be worked around...the gym and BB meet ups will still be there after another baby
The pain thing is probably a big one. You seemed really in a lot of pain with Eden and will that effect your other kids? But again that's a short term thing (in the scheme of things) and can be managed.
Its a tough one but I think you do a great job with the 3 of them why not share some more love!!!!

[Rouge]

If you're selfish than so am I.

I don't want another baby because:

It takes a lot of pain (emotionally) and possibly MC's to get pregnant. (but if I really wanted another I know this wouldn't be a problem)
I have raised two babies and I like the idea that they are getting more and more dependent each day, which means I am becoming more and more my own person again.
I want to work so we have more money, so my kids can enjoy life more too and I don't want to rely on daycare if I don't have to.
I am excited about the idea of having no kids at home next year
I wanted to have children young so I would be a young mum, and I am still and like the idea that I'll be 43 when my last baby finishes high school. It also means DH and I will be able to still enjoy travelling etc when our kids leave home iykwim?


Now I am lucky enough to have this list, and had I not had any babies I know this list wouldn't mean diddly squat because the wanting of those babies would be more than these issues. But because I was blessed (even with the heartache of loss and LTTTC) means that these issues apply to me now and they are valid reasons for ME. You need to do what is right for you, not compare yourself to others because it is your life iykwim?

[widdly]

Absolutely ANY reason is an acceptable reason not to have another baby!!

Some people may label those resons as seflish, better to be selfish without another child than unselfish and unhappy with an extra child I reckon.
I think we each just need to work out where our limits are. For some those limits are close and for some those limits are far away IYKWIM.

FOr me, I hate the thoguth of never having another baby in my life, however, with my DH there is no way I will have another baby with him cause he isnt cut out or fatherhood and I dont feel it would be fair to bring another child into the world who wouldnt get all the attention it deserves rom its father, for others, the way their DH parents wouldn't even come into the decision of having another baby.

It is such a hard decision, hope you can find some peace soon x

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Tell me off if I'm wrong, but you're obviously very torn over it. Is it possible that the issue isn't having another baby, but realising that if you DON'T have another baby soon, a chapter of your life will be over? As in, you're no longer a baby-mama, you're a toddler-mama...

I mention it because a couple of friends of mine are in a similar situation - they were both in the same 'place', kids all school age etc. Then one got pregnant accidentally, and the other one was really jealous. But now that bubs here, they both say that the whole 'newborn baby' phase is something they've passed, and the one that was jealous is actually kinda happy that she didn't have another, because that part of her life is over. Not that she didn't thoroughly enjoy it at the time, but there are new things to enjoy now.

Hope that makes sense!

[Cherished]

Arimeh you're a hoot, thanks for a giggle in your post hehehe I think all of the things you listed are reasonable dh and I orignially wanted 4 bubs and we've named them all etc. But now we are a little more realistic. We are having this one and are totally ttc #2 asap! But after that we will have a look at how we are going. First thing on my list will be our health (the whole family) both physical and emotional and if for ANY reason there is a problem including weight (as you mentioned) than we wont have another bub until any health issues are resolved. Next on our list would be time and finances, if we don't have time to offer the family unit or the finances to support us all then we would also stop at 2 kids. Our house is big enough to fit the 4 kids we wanted but if it wasn't and we couldn't afford a larger place and it was an issue then that would also stop us having a 3rd let alone the 4th.

[onthefly]

Are you trying to convince yourself or someone else?
You can come up with as many reasons as you like, but at the end of the day I don't know that it's always a 'rational' decision, it's just about what feels right or works best, you know?

[Rowellen]

Just noticed your name change! Nice I like it

[black_rose]

Don't mind me I read that blame prego brain and a hyper dd! As pp's what are the reasons you want another one vs the 'selfish' reasons not to. Personally I think the more the better ATM so I am not much help just ask me in a few months.

[Antheia]

Sometimes we need to be selfish. Being mothers, its not a common thing for us. All your reasons are valid. Theyre the same as mine. I really really want 5 kids. But i doubt i can do another pregnancy. My SPD is at it's worst, i hate feeling fat and not being able to do anything. Having a newborn you can't do much either, especially with having other kids. Honestly, that's that only reason i can give for not having 5. We could happily provide for them financially but i just don't think i could do it physically. And it's totally selfish. DH is happy with 4 but not 100% against 5. It's more if i will regret not having had 5. But 4 is a good bunch and i think after a while i'll be happy. I'm going to have years of laughs and love from them and hopfully lots of grankiddies! So then i can spoil them as much as i would my own children.