hi everyone!
internet decided to pack it in last night and this morning, right when i needed it the most! I had a severe paranoid moment basically lasting from yesterday to today as i felt as though our babys movements had really decreased and i spent about 3 hours laying awake sometime early this morning waiting (impatiently) for movement. This bubs has done some heavy duty acrobatic work since 15 weeks and so to suddenly be waiting for movement scared me. So i rang the hospital i am booked in at and spoke to a midwife who went on to say that feeling movement at 15 weeks is very unusual as it does'nt normally happen until 20 wks and i was saying this is my 4th pregnancy, i think i know what is movement by now. So i had to rexplain my history, therefore explaining my huge distress and paranoia and got off the phone feeling like an idiot. (how is it people still make me feel this way for being honest about my feelings?????) So then i got a call from her later and she asked if i had any movements and i said no and she went through the list of reasons why and said to drink the most sugary coldest drink i could find to see if that stimulated anything and to come in if i needed reassurance. So i finished work and still felt awful and paranoid so rang and said i was coming in to hear the heartbeat. I get to the maternity ward (delivery suites section no less -how nice for me at that moment!)and the midwife puts the thing on my belly searching for a heartbeat, there is one and she says that shgould make you feel happier for now until your ultrasound and i was back to feeling like an idiot! So basically i won't be happy until i see bubs moving around on screen on wednesday, i am so hard to please! But i still have'nt got any explanation for the reason why movements have gone from every 2 or so hours (awake time) to now almost nothing. On top of it all, i am getting sicker by the minute, i don't think the stress helped as my throat is about to collapse if i try to speak anymore! phew!
and now for you guys!
Welcome to sue and danek. i am really sorry to hear of both your losses, it is such a horrible thing for nay of us to go through and small amounts of healing happen each day even though i can speak for myself and say that i will never recover fully. i completely understand the no one speaking about our babies thing. I get the word miscarriage all the time for my son jack, who i delivered at 17wks, 5 days. He is constantly described as a miscarriage (which medically he was) which i hate as i delivered him and got the chance to hold him, so for me he passed away. My dhs family don't speak of it and i still get uncomfortable silences if i bring up his name. Taking the "plunge" to TTC is huge and it happened quickly for us which although it was wanted still caught me off guard as my body was a mess or irregular bleeding and cycles. I fell pregnant on my 3rd cycle. do what feels rihgt, we thought we would not use anything to prevent a pregnancy and my body would allow it to happen when it was mentally and physically ready. So good luck, to you both.
Katie - take care too! Seems you are as run down with sickness as me! i've been the same, i have'nt taken any time off but really should of and thats why i have got worse. As for your earleir post re: finishing upin sept, i too am dreaming of finishing although i don't have a date yet. It sounds nice tho, huh?!? And sept is'nt that far away!!!!!!
will have to finish the rest of the personals later, my DH is calling for me to come up to bed!
take care everyone! Sorry for the essay!
x jo