TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth Sept 2009

[Aries]

Happy New Year to you all! 2010 will be our year

Is anyone close to testing? I actually surprised my self by ovulating on my own on Sunday 27th Dec.... so I am expecting AF (or a !) Sunday or Monday. Having a lot of one sided pain (ovulation type pain) so really think that I am out this cycle. I did make the resolution to stay positive this year so my fingers are crossed anyway

Gigi1 - I really do hope you created a beautiful bundle, everything is crossed for you

How is everyone?

Take care all xo

[dory]

cmegelles - Have you been getting lots of snow in New England? One of my travel wishes is to see New England in the fall ( autumn for we aussies). I was living in Detroit, Michigan for a little while in 2000 (OMG that is 10 years ago now!) but wasn't there for fall. DH was for the start of that season and the photos he has are pretty amazing,and that's just suburbia. I hear the fall in New England is just amazing.

Gigi1 - I hear you sis. I wasn't ready so say goodbye to 2009 because it was the year I met my angel babies. And also because it might mean letting go of my grief a little. And my grief is a tangible connection to my angels. But you are right, it would be nice to have the pain eased. I am not angry. If you don't mind me asking what are you angry about? Angry that life is so unfair? I am just curious is all, esp. because I am not angry I want to understand it a little. I was angry for a few days this year, but I can't recapture the feeling and can't put my finger on why exactly I was angry. If you don't want to talk about it because it's counter productive to your healing, then tell me to sod off and mind my own business - I won't be offended if you do.

As for trying again, good on you. It takes a lot of courage. I hope you both felt connected with each other. After Amelia we tried again as soon as we could for pretty much the same reason you have given, the journey is going to be hard no matter when you do it and I guessed I would be sad for a long time, so there was no point waiting until I wasn't sad. After Nicholas and Sophie we have waited, because we both needed some time to heal but am ready to face it all again. In fact, I was really excited when I did try again. Isn't that just the best? Imagine it - to actually feel excited. What a rush. Hope you get that too.

You will be ready when it happens. You will be scared too, but that's ok.

Chez67 - thanks. I just love your username. The nickname I have for one of my favourite aunts is BigChez, for her big personality and indomitable spirit. One of my cousins friends came up with it and it has stuck. Even my cousin uses it. I don't think BigChez much cares for it, but I think she knows the intentions behind it are good.

Beata70 - how are you doing on the first day of 2010?

AFM - I am travelling pretty well considering. Have some weird pain in my hips and some pain radiating on the right side of my neck, but it's not too bad. Guess its off to the physio for me. LOL maybe its the 7 day shag challenge I have just completed. Sounds so crass in a way to make a joke of it, but the journey was nice. DH and I were on holidays at home together and it was just nice to affirm our relationship.

Aries, Blessedatlast, Dimples and anyone else I have missed - you are you going?

[dory]

Aries - I must have been typing my novel when you posted! Excellent news with the big O au naturale! Go you good thing. I am on Day 17, so in the 2WW, and won be testing or expecting AF for a week or so yet. Good luck! Hope the cramping is not too bad.

[Chez67]

Hi ladies

Aries - glad to hear that you have O'd naturally. That must be a good sign that your body is able to without the use of any drugs. Excellent news even if there isn't a BFP this time around - but I really hope there is - just keep taking one positive step forward after another I have my fingers and toes crossed for you.

Dory - I haven't come across anyone else with the same nickname. My uni friends gave it to me... but not many friends use it in real life anymore. New England in the fall sounds beautiful. I love the change of seasons which is something we do get in Canberra unlike other parts of Australia, particularly North Qld where I am from. Hope you get your neck pain sorted out... not nice!

Gigi1 - I hope you managed to make a little bundle on Christmas Eve too. That would be fantastic news And I understand what you mean about your it should have been your little girl's first Christmas with her cousin. It would have been the same for us as well. Seeing our 5 yr old nephew being spoilt by his grandparents (both sets) was hard. Our little boy should have been there too. Still I am glad that Christmas is over and we did survive, just. It was very hard but we got there by staying close to each other and being sensitive to each other.

AFM, it seems I either didn't ovulate at all last cycle, or if I did, it was about day 5 when I wasn't doing any testing but I did have some CM. The good news is that I at least seem to be having a somewhat regular, although short-ish cycle, which is something that we can work on. Have been in Margaret River for a few days now. New Years Eve was pretty quiet. Just a gathering with some old friends. We were in bed by 10:30pm! Off to Denmark tomorrow and then a few more days in Perth before flying back home. I can't believe how quickly this holiday seems to be going!

Anyway, hi to everyone - cmeglles, Dimples, blessedatlast, samcougar,beata - I hope the festive season has been gentle with everyone.

Take care
oxo

[helle]

Have been in Margaret River for a few days now. New Years Eve

wish i hadda known! I was down that way for New Years as well... would have been nice to put a face to the name

[blessedatlast]

Well happy New Year everyone, I have been lurking, it has been fairly quiet in here hasn't it?

I have just finished a 2wk bleed so hoping for a January concieved baby.. Also what do you guys think about this?? I have heard that when TTC men should only ejaculate every 3rd day so that the sperm is mature enough but then I have also heard to DTD as often as you can.. DP and I are going with the 2nd option lol.. Not only is it more fun but I could be bleeding again in a week, though I really really hope not!!

No personals today, Hi to everyone

I hope there is lots of around in 2010..

Mods could we perhaps start a TTC 2010 thread?? New Year new thread??

[dory]

blessedatast

I have been wondering the same thing.

I think you'll probably get different opinions - I have heard every 2nd day, for the same reasons you said, in essence sperm health and maturity but also every day for 14 days with no reason given But there seems to be a contradiction with info my friends was told by her FS that it takes at least 12 weeks to rectify a sperm motility/morphology issue.

Maybe I just understand the science enough and am confusing two separate bits of info. I might do some research!

AFM - Day 21. Caved and tested this morning, full of hope of course. Might explain the glum day I have had. Haven't given up hope yet, but we'll see. Won't test for a little while yet then......otherwise just throwing money away to the manufacturers of the tests.

How you all doing?

Bugger I also agree with blessedatlast with the idea for a new thread!

[Chez67]

Hi ladies

Blessedatlast - my TCM and FS recommend ejaculation every 2 to 3 days, to "clean out the pipes", and during the fertile period every 24 to 48 hours is the best apparently. I think it is important to get the swimmers moving about 4 or 5 days before O to make sure there is a fresh batch ready to fertilise the egg. But I don't have any science for any of this. Does anyone else have an idea?

Dory - I understand completely about trying and failing to resist the urge to test. I always seem to know in the back of my mind that it will be a BFN but I still test anyway. I just hope that one day I will be proved wrong and surprised with a BFP! When will you test again? You are in my prayers for a BFP soon!

Teagz - hope you are feeling better today. It was a shame that we couldn't meet up - maybe next time. Any signs of the baby making an appearance?

Hi Aries, Gigi1, Samcougar, cmeglles, Dimples and everyone else I hope you are all doing well.

AFM - hoping to O tonight or tomorrow according to the fertility monitor so I have been taking advantage of DH, which he is enjoying! Fingers crossed for us for a BFP for this month! We are almost finished our WA holiday. It has been very enjoyable and relaxing. I have read 4 books and onto my 5th, which is most unusual for me. Normally I have great plans to read lots of books and end up reading half of one because I just don't sit still long enough! So I have forced myself to sit still and read and have had a great time! Hopefully all of the relaxation will pay off with a BFP!

Anyway, must go. Take care all.
oxo

[Gigi1]

Dory, You crack me up. I did exactly the same thing. Tested CD21...all hope that i might see something really faint. This started a hopeless cycle of testing everyday since just in case. What are we like???!!

Chez, Hope you are on track for a BFP this month too hun. LOL and Dh's around the world. They have it hard don't they. You must be one of those freakishly fast readers....it takes me months to get through a book. Weeks if it is on pregnancy. I have read a few of those in my time. Good luck hun and enjoy every last moment of relaxation you can sqeeze out of this holiday.

Blesatlast, My theory is ( no science and based on many different pieces of advice), what makes most sense to me... Good to freshen up before hand a few days before. No man will ejaculate all in one go..so a couple of times over ovulation is cool. Too much too often will dry him out. He will still ejaculate but numbers will be low. So freshen up a few days prior...obstain for a few days and then have fun with it. As far as we have been told. Life/production of sperm as far as detoxing and health/diet etc are concerned...they say allow 3 months clean for new production of sperm. If that makes sense. We have always maintained that 3 months of life building lifestyle for both of us is a good thing if we can do that. More than a week, and things will get a bit old...ummm what else, i can't think. All i know is that my DH's little fellas had better be doing what they are supposed to..their end of the deal! Oh and it is good to keep up some fun through the month to keep supply turned over. Is it any wonder the mystery and spontaneity kind of disappears sometimes.. God we have tried it all over the years....even sex by the moon light on my lunar cycle. Well that was long winded...sorry hun...just have fun with it i say. We can get too caught up....easier said than done! I need to take my own advice.

Aries, Teagz, Samcougar, cmeglles, Dimples....Happy new year to you and hope you are all traveling ok.
Bring on a good month for us all. Scarey or not, we are ready. xx

[blessedatlast]

Hi everyone Well so much for making the most of DTD. I have thrush!! I swear the world is against me lol.. This TTC thing is sometimes so hard to get my head around.. When I am upset angry and frustrated (like now)I think I don't want another baby I just want Taite and Seth If they were here I wouldn't be feeling like this

Chez- Hopefully all that relaxation brings a BFP.. After all thats what everyone tells us to do lol..

Dory- There is still hope. I understand what you mean about giving the manufacturers money!! If only I sold OPK's pregnancy kits or charged for parking and TV at the hospital!! I'd be rich lol

Gigi1- I agree with your theory on sperm production.. I think when males go for sperm tests they are required to abstain for 2 or 3 days from memory?? Anyway, I am sick of doing my head in over it..

I'm going to crawl back under my rock now.. I need a job or I need TAFE to start so I am distracted!!

[helle]

Hey Lovies... still stalking you all. Wishing you all Healthy Little Bundles for the NY xx

Mwah!

Chez, nah apparently I'm too comfy XD But who'd wanna come out in this heat anyway! Had an internal yesterday and Dr could barely reach my cervix, so I've settled in for the long haul now (although i'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit dissapointed yesterday). DH isn't quite as patient though

[dory]

Chez67 and Gigi1 - I know we all go through it. trying to resist the testing temptation. For me, it's almost an obsession. I justified it to myself as last two cycles have been short at 24 days and thought that at day 21 it might only be 3 days before AF due, therefore MIGHT bet a BFP. This is despite the big O signs this month being elusive, but probably not at day 8 or 9 so as to give a 24 days cycle. And as you've said it's hard not to feel glum even when I anticipated the BFN but hoped for the BFP.

I have no plans for testing again, until perhaps day 28. Will see. I just know I need to wait.

I am glad that the holiday is going well - I can't believe it 4 books! I used to read vociferously like that, but it's something that's been absent for me this past year. I just don't have the energy to sustain interest in either non fiction or fiction novels.

How are you doing at ravishing DH? You'll be in the 2WW soon. Wishing you lots of babydust, I'll hopefully throw some my way too!

AFM - I have been feeling glum. Lots of reasons. Here are some. BFN ( self induced because testing too early), been having some quite noticeable fatigue, thirst, brain fog, hunger, headaches, nausea for at least 7 days ( GP thinks most likely a virus but has sent me off for some BT's and GTT just in case - would love to imagine that are all BFP symptoms), not sleeping well, the twins EDD is coming up as is Amelia's first anniversary, and found out yesterday a work colleague who I thought could extend me some understanding, is just a selfish snake who is totally self absorbed and is an underminer/back stabber. Luckily I have the support of other colleagues/supervisors, but it's just disappointing and makes it harder to be at work. But thinking about how she's interacted with me this year, over the whole year, she has in fact never offered any condolences or even acknowledgment of my losses or even genuinely asked how I was, and has only been focused on her. So I wonder why I am silly enough to be both surprised and disappointed and in the scheme of things, she is not a person who is important to me. If she is not important to me she has no power over me. Wow, that was a whinge huh? This is one of those rare moments for me when the glass is half empty. Back to the counselor for me.

I don't expect this to be easy but some days its pretty damn demanding and seems insurmountable. I know I'll get through it, just needed to share. Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for the words of support in reply.

Thinking and hoping the best for you all.

[dory]

blessedatlast - I hear you girl. Be strong. Sorry about the thrush.... take care of yourself, you deserve to be pampered.

teagz - there is such indignity in all of this, but I'd do it thousands of times to get the outcome I want. Hopefully DH is OK. It;s hard for them too.

[Gigi1]

Oh dear hun, what you must be feeling. People still really surprise me. I think it is because you think the best of people and sometimes that is a bit of a let down. Your results and this woman need a good kick out of you life. You are too right, she is not important to you and she can jump. Isn't it funny how we let these people get up out skirt even a little. Oh she is not worth it. Amazing!
Hun, so sorry you are getting BFP. I buy the pee sticks through ebay...so cheap it is rediculas. I got onto it in the UK and i just pee whenever i feel like it. It can either help calm me or the opposite but worth the try every time. I just hope that it is not much longer for you and this month takes you by surprise before you know it. It will be interesting to see what the Dr says re the symptoms. I thought i have been overly tired too this week which was my only initial symptom with DD.
Anniversaries. Boy you have made it thus far. What a huge mountain you have climbed. Are you going to do anything special for the twins EDD and Amelia's first birthday? Of course you probably are and silly question but thought i would ask and see what you had in mind. I can only understand some of what you are going through. I understand what it is like to go through this once...but again is just too much to bear.
You must be kind to yourself hun and take it easy. Can you make sure you are not working on those days? I am not looking forward to a few different days coming up this year. Kind of sad in a way that 2009 is over. My DD was born that year and it is already history. 2010 she will be one. We were thinking of getting a tattoo...scared out of my knickers and if you knew me....so not like me. We had been thinking of it and just wasn't sure where i would put it, what it would be etc. Working on it bit my bit. We met a couple once that did memorial tats for their baby and the ought behind it just stuck with us. She had her done on her hip...always to carry her baby on her hip and her DH had it on his under upper arm area...under his wing. We just thought that was lovely and permanent and perfect. So we are trying to get to that point.

Hun i hope the day today gets a little easier and the week a little easier again. You are an incredibly strong woman to have survived and loved through what you have experienced and good and beautiful things will come you way. I hope it is very soon. Blow that other stuff, that woman...blow her off. SHe doesn't deserve you. It is perfectly normal and ok to sometimes see your glass half empty...perfectly normal. HUgs and love xx

Blessedatlast. Oh babe, sorry you are uncomfortable and can't have some fun making a brother or sister for Seth and Taite. I was saying exactly that the other day. I don't want another baby...i just want DD. She was all i wanted...i want her back. I was furious. It helps me to know i am not the only one that thinks this sometimes. I feel dreadful for it, but it helps knowing i am not a lone. Hope you are feeling better today hun.

Love and wishes to all

AFM- Well we are CD25 and might go and test again...have not tested for 2 days. I know this month have tested crazy early but i needed to get involved didn't i. Waiting is just silly business. Went to the movies today and saw Old Dogs, funny. Silly funny but good anyway for a laugh. There are a heap i want to see. Will have to make a list!
Will continue to look after my nephew until May when SIl has her baby. They were really nice to us today which was lovely and unexpected. Dh really needs a break from work. He is tired and is not right atm. I am rambling here to avoid thinking and talking about pregnancy....i am going to test. CD 25 is not to bad to test hey? I have had a few heavy feelings like before AF but i am still hopefull.
I am going bye x

[Aries]

OHHHH Gigi cant wait to hear........ fingers are crossed so much that they are blue!!!!!

xo

[Gigi1]

Hmmm...not looking promising. Nothing coming up. Looks like this month is a goner too. Bugger!
Thanks Aries for the cheer. Might have to save it until next month.

[Gigi1]

Yes well i have just about burned holes in the pee stick with my staring eyes. I hope to god everyone else sits there and thinks....Is that a shadow? Is that a line starting?
i tested right back on CD 21 and thought i saw something really faint only to be put in my place the following morning with a total blank. God give me strength.
Not that DTD is not enjoyable....i just want to enjoy it, life and all that surrounds this bl88dy baby making life of ours. It was 10 years to fall pg with DD....i just don't have that kind of mileage in me anymore. I am not sure how much more failure i can take. I am off to find something fun.
XX

[blessedatlast]

Hi again Everyone.. No news, just checking in and replying while I have the energy.. You know how sometimes you lurk in here but just don't feel you have the strength to reply, even when you want to?? Anyway, I will be quick

Gigi1- I am so sorry bout a BFN.. And yes everytime I have poas I have looked at it in every light, held it up and examined it!! I even do it with OPK's!!!

Dory- I'm sorry you are feeling crappy.. I just read it was your twins EDD and Amelia's 1st anniversary coming up.. Definitely hard times.. Are you doing anything special? I hope I don't come across as being ignorant, Dory, but I don't really know your story.. I only knew from previous posts that you had more than 1 loss.. If it is written somewhere I may have missed it.. If you would like to share it, I'd love to hear it.. Please don't think I am being rude, and if you are not up to sharing, especially with these dates coming up, I understand. It took me 6 months to write Taite and Seth's story.. It is so mentally draining.. I now keep a blog though.. I kinda wish I had kept one in the early days, just so I knew how far I had come in my grief.. Anyway rambling AGAIN.. Hope you feel better soon..

Teagz- Can't wait to hear of the arrival of your little one!! You are due this month aren't you??

Anyway Hi to everyone, my Mum, her hubby and my little brothers are up here on holidays for a week, I am so excited, I am off to see them now!!