Mel - I am sure I can speak for everyone when I say that no-one here would ever judge you. If anything, I think you are very brave for not only seeking the help you need but to come on and tell us all about it. There is nothing wrong with using what ever methods you need to use to get through this. I think you are a very brave woman and we are all here to help eachother get through this.
Take care.
Kel