its been 3 months and i still cry

[kelli07]

This is the first time ive ever sought help from an online sight. I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of last October. I'm not married or engaged so both my and his families were completely against the pregnancy from the get go. his family was so ashamed of us that they didnt even tell his grandparents and his mom actually called me and told me not to spread the bad news to anyone that will tell any of his family. My family did not want anything to do with me until they found out he hit me one night and then they only made things worse.

i was salutatorian in high school. i just graduated last year and i have a full ride to a local college so when i found out i was scared and depressed for the first month or so. then in November i had my first sonogram and saw the fetal pole and everything changed. I was so excited!! i couldnt wait to be a mommy. my best friend from high school had just had a baby so i couldnt wait to schedule play dates and other fun things together.

About a week after I found out my due date another woman i work with announced she was pregnant and her due date was only 3 days after mine. we were so excited about having each other to go through our pregnancies with. she had told me earlier that month that she has lost 7 babies in 6 miscarriages so we talked about it a lot.

On december 5 i had an appointment with my ob and he said everything was great. on december 9 i started spotting and went to the er after much discouragement from my mother. on december 10 i found out i had lost the baby at 10 weeks. on the 11th i was in pre-op and on the 12th i had a d & c.

My boyfriend said its probably for the best. my mother said "you can focus on school now and make something of yourself again"
my father said (in tears) "Im so glad i got my little girl back"
my sister who has a 2 year old said "well you still have your niece"
and this is what hurt me the most, my best friend said "well i dont know what to tell you, i had my daughter with no complications and if it bothers you to talk about it then why do you??"

Ive had so many people tell me "look on the bright side, you didnt have to bury a baby, you didnt know the sex of it and you werent that attached"

I have to work everyday and look at the woman who is as far along as i should be. i know shes been through what im going through many times but i still cant be happy for her or talk to her.

its been three months since my surgery and i still sit and cry for no reason at times. i cant look at a baby without tearing up. im seriously startin to believe everyone around me when they say im crazy and need to get over it.

i cant help it though. somedays im perfectly fine, other days i dont know what to do with myself.. i feel like im doing this by myself....