Hey Leash,

My DF has never got up in the middle of the night, as DS is exclusively BF, so never that much point. And in fairness to DF, I've never expected him to do get up, as he's the one who has to go to work to earn the $$. Although having said that working is a much easier gig than being a mum. And I'm def not saying that this is how everyone should be, it's absolutely a "me" thing. But, when he's home he does heaps of nappy changing, and spends plenty of time playing with DS so that I get some opportunity to do things with two hands. And he pretty much always does the bath time. So even though I'm the overnight person, at all other times it's equal commitment & contribution IYKWIM. One exception to the not getting up in the night time is when we've had spews - he has always helped out with this. And willingly too.

I know that it's very hard to judge a relationship from the outside, even more so when it's just on a forum like this, but it does sound to me that Shel has a pretty selfish streak running through her ATM, as if she thinks she can pick & choose the parenting bits she wants to do. It may also be that she's not quite sure what her parenting role is exactly, in that she's not the "mum" like you are, but she's not the Dad either. I don't mean this in a bad way, I guess that there's just not that many same sex parents out there to really automatically understand how it all fits together, unlike normal hetero couples who have a more clear cut mum/dad model to follow, so your journey as a parenting couple is possibly a little harder to sort out in a way? Although this is me just trying to find a nicer way to look at her behaviour, mostly I think she's just being self-centred.

It does get eaiser with bubs though, so the tiredness fog will slowly clear a little. Maybe not completely, but you do get used to the pattern a bit more as time goes on.