Do you smack??

[paradise lost]

Lol Liz, have you never been unable to stop yourself eating a bar of chocolate you yourself bought? Or thrown the bag and reciept away for a new top or skirt so no-one else will know how much you spent? Do you never have those "OMG i HAVE to" moments? Maybe it's just me :P

Fortunately i am as good at hiding all the pens as DD is at not using them on walls, so she gets PLENTY of practice at the practical It's just that i tend to think it's my fault rather than hers at this stage.

Bx

ETA - bjrose:

eg, Asked me yesterday if she can use the pc
Me - after your homework
DD - No, I'm going on the computer now!
Me - No. Do your homework first.
DD - No! I want to go on there NOW!!!
I hate you mum. Your a bad Mum.
Me - No reply
DD - I want to go on the computer!! (screaming)
I walked away & ignored her til she calmed down, then she did her homework then went on the pc.

Hun you handled that BEAUTIFULLY! You didn't give in, you made her do her homework first. She can kick and scream and over-react like a banshee, but she still had to do as she was told. That was a SUCCESS!!! Be proud!

It sounds like she has low self-esteem - that's NOT your fault. Some kids are more sensitive, that's all. My brother and i couldn't have been more different, raised in the same way, in the same house, by the same parents. Not responding to his first request made him feel like utter crap, whereas you could probably hold my shoulders and say "You're a horrible child!" into my face and i'd shrug and say "that's your opinion". LOL.

Do you have much one-on-one time with Jaz? Does she get any special mummy time? Sometimes it can be hard to make the time but just 30mins a day of one-on-one can make SO much difference. Could you fit that in? It doesn't have to be out of the house, it just needs to be officially recognised, like, "here is our 30mins, Daddy will look after DD and DS, Jaz and mummy are going to bake a cake/weed the garden/run out to the shop/play a computer game/whatever" so you get real time just the two of you. Make the time sacred, NO interruptions, it will be worth it i PROMISE.

It sounds like the two of you have become adversaries because she feels she has to fight for your attention (because she has higher eomtional needs than the other 2 but they have higher physical demands due to their age) and you are constantly having to battle with her to do the right thing when she should know better AS WELL as having 2 littler ones (who don't yet know better) to have to care for. It grows resentment - she makes your life harder than it needs to be so you feel annoyed, she senses your annoyance and misbehaves to get attention as it's easier than being "good" for the same attention. You need to become allies (NOT "mates", don't get me wrong, i think parents need to be parents) so that she feels like she's on your team and a valuable asset to that team. At the moment she's caught in a pattern of getting negative attention, because it's easier. Do you feel like you're starting afresh each day? It sounds like both of you are remembering yesterday's percieved "crimes" against one another.

Maybe you could sit down and ask her how she feels about how it is between you both? Open a dialogue? Does she enjoy reading/writing? Could you write a diary or notes back and forth? You could get a very pretty book and write in it "I felt sad today because we had a big fight about the computer. You are so smart, i want you to do your homework so you get the grades you deserve, that's why i didn't let you use the comuter first. I wish we didn't fight because i really love you." then give it to her - expect her to write back "I hate you mummy because you won't let me use the computer", but LET her own those feelings. Apologise FOR HER PAIN, but NOT for your actions. Once you begin talking honestly these things, while not being easier to work through, will be better lit so you both stumble less.

Best of luck, hige and a big pat on the back - you feel like you're not but you ARE doing it mama!

Bx