Just in relation to 'smack or run onto the road' sort of examples (sorry Ryn, just the one I remember from all the previous posts), as someone who doesn't smack and who now has children who are teens (and who I obviously managed to help avoid dangerous situations without smacking), I assure you can set boundaries for your children that do not involve hitting them. Just because you don't smack doesn't mean you don't have other tools of discipline available to you.

And yes I agree that as children get older they learn manipulation. But adults can also be similarly, if not far more, manipulative. Yet hitting them is socially unacceptable, so we don't do it. So I do believe you can deal with manipulation without smacking.

My sister smacks. Between her choice and my choice, I actually believe my choice is a far more difficult one for the parent. I won't sit here and lie and say I haven't been tempted to smack - hell, I'm only human. I get angry, I get frustrated, and I want to make them stop what they're doing right now. But as I've said before, I will not expect my children to behave in ways I'm not prepared to behave myself. Would I hit an adult who I believe was 'playing' me or manipulating me or who does something that makes me angry? No. So why would I hit my children for being less able to control their impulses? For not yet having learnt the social nuances of morality and cause-and-effect? Or for not understanding that some things are dangerous or wrong unless I teach them it is?

Those are the reasons I don't smack. I don't think that it makes me in an way a permissive parent. I think not smacking takes a concerted effort on the parent's part to control their emotions, their frustration and their anger. I don't get the "I smack when I'm calm" rationale, because, let's face it, smacking is usually borne of out frustration, or else you would be reasonable enough to calmly think of an alternative method to deal with it. Because if you could calmly and as a calculated punishment decide to smack despite weighing every single other alternative, that that's even more frightening than if you did it in anger, IMO.

As I said before, if you have smacked and it worked for you at the time, that's great. But choosing not to smack does not mean you are unable to provide discipline for your children. I think that that's a complete misconception.