i'm having such a hard day today - i feel so alone in the sense that before, I would sit at work with a hand on my belly and a warm feeling that our baby was there - and now, well, nothing. maybe because i'm bleeding more today than yesterday and it's so confronting to see.

i just called my ivf clinic to make an appointment with a counselor - they offered me 2 Dec!!!! and that's after I told them why i wanted to see a counselor - i was hoping for this afternoon - or tomorrow - or Monday. what's the point of having counselors if they aren't available for times like these.

i wish someone could promise me a successful pregnancy by X date - even if it was a while off - knowing that we'd eventually get there at some point...it would make it a little better.