Michelle, I just read your post and had to reply. There just so much to say, and I can only talk from my own experience and journey, some of it will be the same or similar to yours, but a lot of it will be differene too. I'm so glad you have good support around you - I didn't have this, and I lived a long way from family too. This was a blessing and a curse - and I've never ever been someone who could ask for help or tell people what I need. So, I think I made the journey more difficult than it needed (re. not asking for help). Because not asking for help, meant I stayed completely focussed on my 2 children (aged 2 and 4) and finishing DH's cd's - I avoided grieving (yes I cried a river every day, but I didn't allow myself TIME, real TIME to grieve hard) - I was in shock and followed that up with auto-pilot. BUT I could only keep up this pace for 12 months, after that I absolutely crashed, hit the wall - looking back, I think I could have had a breakdown of sorts. I got extremely physically ill, so much so I couldn't get out of bed for 2 weeks - and I howled, honestly the sound of which I didn't know I could produce - I was finally in the bottom of the pit and it took me 12 months to get there. I don't know if this pit is a place we all must go after the tragedy of loosing a husband - I hate to think you will have to go there, but there are a couple of upsides at the end of it. One of which is once you hit rock-bottom, there's only one place to go - UP.... and slow as it was, I started on the journey UP.
My advice for the moment is to ACCEPT ALL HELP, ask for it even if you are not used to asking for it. And the most important of all - is get the kind of help that enables you to be alone, to grieve for Greg, to have that time when you are allowed to indulge your pain without caring for the children - I had so little of this time, but I seriously think it will help you a lot if you can (and I know how hard this is going to be with a new babe coming soon, but try at least for the next couple of months).
Your babies are naturally grieving for their Daddy in their own ways - children are very resilient too - so try and surround them with some good men and supporting folk, people you can trust and leave them with. DO NOT go down the guilt road, that you are not doing enough for them - right now you are all in survival mode - and you are No. 1 priority. Your babes are clean, fed and very loved, they know this, and for now thats enough hon.
I'm 8 years down that long winding road - and for me the the hardest and sadest part has been for my children. They had a fantastic, fun, intelligent, talented Dad who lived for them. They lost that - and nothing I can do will ever replace that loss. I'm so sorry your babies lost their Daddy, who was a wonderful man. The best you can do is to talk about him to them often, tell your stories. Not a day goes by when I don't mention something about my DH to the children - even if it's a song on the radio he would have liked - I tell them "your Dad loved this song" etc. In fact my DD12 said the other day when I mentioned such a song on the radio "mum, even though Dad liked it, I don't, it sucks" - I laughed and said thats okay, he wouldn't mind. So it's in these little interactions that your babes Daddy can live on and his children can get to know him in a different way. It truly does suck that it has to be this way now, but all you can do is work with what you have left. You will raise those children in the way you both wanted, and you will do it for him as well.
I've probably said enough for tonight. I know you are intelligent woman, and you are smart enough to see how long and winding the road is before you - sweety try not to look too far ahead right now - set yourself very small goals, even just a daily goal (even if that is to get out of bed and have a shower, go for a walk in the sunshine, read O a few extra books) really small goals - the future is uncertain still, so just focus on the present.
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