Parenting after LTTTC #2

[onthefly]

Thanks guys!
Well, yesterday was a bit better in that I had work and so was occupied. DS was actually happy when we first arrived at cc - signing 'play' and smiling. But his mood changed completely when we entered his room; clinging to me then crying when I tried to put him down. Went in with him for a while to settle him, then left when he seemed better - but he started crying as soon as I said goodbye. Was very hard to just go, but I did.
He fell asleep again! dropped off in one of teh carers' arms just before I got there to pick him up but he wasn't properly asleep so I took him home then.
Anyway, I guess it'll get better. They said he was happy & smiling some of the time at least. And I guess I don't need to worry about him not being able to sleep there

Happy resignation Shannon. You haven't been working with twins, have you? Or resigning from maternity leave...? I'm impressed that you're thinking about no. 3 already - you go girl! Lol at your DD standing all the time.

Teeth & flu - cripes Sazz!

Hope your family are all better Nic. Not fun. We've largely escaped so far this winter (ah, jinx!), but I spose we have more to look forward to now that DS is in daycare
If you can figure out how to order a better sleeper please be sure to let me know. TIA

I think I'm ready to be pregnant again. No, I am. I want to be, but it ain't happening till I can bite the bullet and wean A.

[sazzafrazz]

How is work for you Marcellus? How on earth did you concentrate after the CC drop off dramas? Oh you poor thing, it must be really hard. He sounds like he is adjusting already though if he was happy at the idea of going there. Each day as it comes I guess.

Shannon, We have taken C with us to appts because we do it all secretly and have noone to leave her with really. When I went for transfers DH and she waited out in the waiting room though. Not sure what we will do on EPU when that eventually happens, as DH has to "do his thing" around the time they take me in. Actually, just wondering what I will do when I have to have scans too. Will worry about it when it happens. She just plays on the floor and hasnt been a problem yet. I do feel very strange taking her there, because I know how I felt when I saw couples with a child there when I was yet to have one. I'm sure there are a lot of intense emotions when others see her there with us.

We are going to the clinic for a review appt on monday. Planning on doing a stim cycle in October. We should still be able to fit a frozen cycle or two in after that before the year is out. It will be our biggest year yet, having already had two frozen cycles so far.

Hello everyone else.....

[onthefly]

Thanks again Sazz. Work is ok, just working as and when there is any for me (and I can get babysitter etc).
If we lived closer I'd offer to babysit for you when you go for EPU etc... but I think the drop off's probably a bit far for you

I know what you mean about seeing kids at the FS. I thought the same thing at first, but then of course it occurred to me that they were probably IVF kids themselves. Which is nice, in a way.

[Lenny]

Hi all,
Shannon - yay for thinking about number 3! You must be supermum by now, you could probably do twins again!
Sazz - hope the appt goes well on Monday.
I personally think that it was so much easier to go back for FET cycles than a full stim, and I'm sure I would not have started so soon if i'd had to contemplate all the cr@p that goes with stim cycles. We took DS to all our appointments/scans etc, but again, much easier with a FET. I did feel a bit guilty bringing him along (for the other peoples sake) but we have no family here, so there's not much choice.
Marcellus - good luck with weaning A. It was hard, really hard, but then when it was over with, it wasn't so bad. Now at least i have had some ' bf free time' for when number two comes along.

Hi to everyone, and I hope you and your little ones are well. I will endeavour to catch up a bit more later.
Jo

[sazzafrazz]

Hi Lenny, how are you feeling now? Has the MS gone yet? I hope you are going really well.

Marcellus, how is the child care going now? I guess things have settled now. I hope so.

AFM. you are all going to think I am totally mental. We had our FS appt about 2weeks ago and got all signed up to do a stim again in a few months time. I had cold feet only the night before but we talked and talked and decided to go. Well, yesterday we got a nasty tax bill (bloody employers not taking out enough tax all year) and that started money talks. That was followed by AC talks and the long story cut short is: we have decided to stop. I know you must think me mental after only just organising one~! I guess the thing is we tried for 10years to conceive C and have had 2 frozen cycles since, one with an early MC so a total of 12embryos transferred and only one baby out of it all. We are just worn out by it all and so lucky to have the darling DD we DO have. We are both very happy and feel a weight lifted having decided to not do any more AC. I am still sad at the idea of no more babies though. I just have to reconcile the two ideas. We were just feeling we have had our other life on hold all these years and never planning because of "maybe" and now we can just get on with the rest of our lives. Phew, hope that makes sense. I think I will still feel those pangs of jealousy when I hear of other pregnancies but just knowing what our future holds now for certain is reassuring. I do feel a bit anxious about C growing up an only child and have to get my head around that now.

Sorry for the selfish post but it only happened yesterday and I had to get it all out to somone who will understand!

[onthefly]

Sazz, you're not mental at all! I think we can all understand that feeling of the weight being lifted. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise: Who knows what else life will bring for you guys now? I hope you can make peace with this and enjoy your lives & little miss C. And I don't think she will suffer for not having siblings.

Well, Master A is already suffering the scourge of 'daycare sickness' - he's missed 3 days already! Such a nuisance. And I got sick as well, though to be fair he probably didn't contract the latest illness at daycare (since he was away sick last week), but anyway. So anyway, we started over this week and who knows how long it'll take for him to settle in. It was easier for me at least

Down to 2 feeds... he just keeps asking for it though! Lenny, how did you do it? I feel so mean... I'm wearing normal bras during the day, so there's some upside.

Hope you're all doing well

[Lenny]

Sazz - you are not mental at all. I think it's great that you really sat down and decided what was best for you all (Miss C included) and you chose to stop all the AC madness. Good for you guys. You have to start a new phase in your life eventually. What is the best thing for you is always the best thing for your DD - she is as lucky to have you as parents, as you are to have her.

As for the pangs of jealousy - they will haunt us all i guess. These last few years have really opened my eyes to the huge number of women (and men too) who dream of children they never had, or ones that they lost too soon. Makes me hug my own a little tighter.

Marcellus - I felt mean too - very mean. But now DS has forgotten altogether about bbs. Two feeds is pretty good! I must sheepishly confess (don't tell anyone) that I cut DS's last feed the week before i did the FET He was only having one a day and my cycle was totally normal.

[onthefly]

So true Lenny, so true - I have a whole new perspective on these things now.
But that's great that you had a normal cycle while still breastfeeding and were able to keep going right up to 'd-day'. I just can't imagine a day when DS will forget about boobies. Well, he is a boy, so I guess he'll just switch to thinking about someone elses...

[sazzafrazz]

Thanks for your kind words girls. I knew I could rely on you guys to understand my mentalness It has been two days now and I am feeling happier about it already. We even spent time with my 9week old neice today and I didnt feel sad at all, just nostalgic for when C was like that as they seem quite similar. Now we can concentrate on the three of us, not what might be in the future. No more TTC stresses for our little girl to get involved in.
I wonder how long it will take me to stop thinking of my AF/cycles in the same conception way after so many years of microanalysing it? OMG do we actually need to think of contraception when I get to the age I would consider a cut off???? Alien idea to us!

I am kind of excited about going through all our baby gear and selling stuff off and clearing out the spare/junk/storage/office room. I'd like to get C in here as its a bigger room and she can have her toys in here rather than all over the lounge.
We can plan things now like we know we will be able to afford to send her to the catholic school but didnt think we would afford to send 2 or 3 kids there. We can plan for a big holiday soonish rather than "one day when the kids are big enough".

Marcellus at your DS switching his boobie fixation to someone elses!!!! It's scary to think of them at that age! I must admit I was sad that C weaned herself at 8months but relieved that I didnt have a persistant toddler pulling at me in public. She is interested in my boobs mostly because she likes bras and sometimes there is a spare tissue stuffed in there, not for the boobs themselves. She can say bra. She walks around with my enourmous ones on. She likes to delve in there for the tissue.

Lenny. OMG at cutting the last feed so close to your FET. I guess it was really meant to succeed! How long after did he still ask?

I'm glad this thread is active again. I miss it when we dont chat.

[briggsy's girl]

Sazz - you're not mental at all hun! it makes sense to be able to make a decision and to not have so much of your emotion tied up in AC if you're content with your life as is. DH and I have already talked about it, and don't think we'll go through AC again - or if we do, it won't be for quite some time. we have a perfect little family as it is - no child would be turned away, but we won't put ourselves or DD through the roller coaster for as long as possible. i guess there is always a chance it could happen naturally for us so it's not out of the question another would come along - but we won't actively "try". hell, DH is working away so not much chance of anything fun happening - let alone that fun being productive lol!

DD is such a wonderful addition to our lives - i was seriously starting to wonder last year whether it was a waste of time, money and emotional energy - but now that she's here i wouldn't have it any other way. she's such a happy girl most of the time (not so much this week - had needles and seems to have decided that demanding attention after that is the go!) - sleeps really well most nights, smiles for everyone... i'm already dreading going back to work - in APRIL next year lol

waiting for her to wake up again - she's a bit of a night owl (like mummy) so goes to bed "properly" at around 10 or 11 - last night was half 10, slept til 7, awake for about half hour, then asleep til half 10, back asleep by half 11.... in between she had a bit of a kick around in our bed, talked to daddy on the phone, giggled her little heart out at the candle holders on the wall.... very cute little girl! the morning sleep is good for me cos i've been a bit off the last few nights (really nasty nausea) and really tired and just needing rest, so i've been able to sleep in. doesn't make it easy to get out of the house in the mornings though! lol

[onthefly]

That sounds so great Sazz.
LOL at C with your bras! DS likes putting my undies or bra on his head and running off with them when I'm in the shower. He actually never asks for "nya-nya" when we're out - far too busy then!
Enjoy your holiday planning - anywhere in particular in mind? We're off to NZ this christmas

Glad to hear you guys have settled in BG. Your little girl sounds delightful. Hope you're feeling better soon & enjoy those sleep ins.

[butterfly_warrior]

Sazz, the more I think about it, the more I envy your ability to be able to move on and close the AC door. I'd like to, I'm happy with Sam and I'm not sure my health could stand up to another child, but with two frozen embryos, it's really hard. I'm still no closer to being able to make a decision as to what to do with them, but still can't put them out of my mind, even though we're probably about two years away from being able to use them ourselves. *sigh*

Unfortunately, Mr Sam has had enough of watching mummy play with the puter so I've got to run away...

Hi to everyone!

BW

[Shannon22]

Sazz definately not mental i think extremely brave and selfless are the words that come to mind here. I really wish i could do it sometimes i feel like its kind of an addiction (i know maybe im the mental one) after we fell pregnant i was a little lost i didn't know who i was if i wasn't ttc because we had been doing it for so long, and now the thought of going again is scary because i dont want to end up like that again. Ahh i HATE AC!

We have an appt with FS on the 31st August. We are going to see how we feel after the appt, DH want to get he little fellas tested again in the hope that there is an improvement but i doubt it so then we are looking at a stim again.

Kids are good Julia finally got at tooth and Owen got the top two so he is still 3 ahead of Julia. And we have crawling babies Julia is off and running and O is so close he has going backwards down pat! We took them on a plane to Sydney last week which was... interesting... lol you should have seen the guy who had the seat next to us when he realised we had twins!

Also i was wondering what you guys think of the genetic link with infertility whilst in Syd last week i caught up with my many cousins. My mother is 1 of 7 and she has 3 sisters from the 4 sisters they had 19 children so as you can imagine they were extremely fertile. My mum had the only issues she had 6 pregnancies but miscarried 3 times. So if you can still keep up from the 19 there are 9 girl cousins (myself included) 4 of us have needed AC to have children and 3 others are currently undergoing AC so thats 7.. one other is gay so will need AC to conceive.. thats 8.. and 1 is yet to try. This blew my mind!

Sorry for the ramble...

Shan
xx

[Lenny]

Shan - I love reading the stories of your little ones. That thing about genetic links with fertility issues is sometimes brought up by people who are anti IVF etc. I'm not sure i believe that you can pass it on to your kids - but I guess time will tell. I hope not I guess DS can't get endometriosis from me - but he could inherit DH's wonky sperm At least I'll be a bit better at being supportive to my kids than my parents were to me.
BW - I can't believe Sam is 7 months old...time really does fly.
BG - DD sounds so cute, I can't wait to meet her one day.
Marcellus - we have given up calling our visits to NZ 'holidays', because we seem to be more stressed and tired than if we'd stayed at home. We are planning to visit in March 2010 - eek, number 2 will be nearly 2 months, and DS will be almost two. The other passengers on the plane aren't going to like us much!

Well DH is coming home tomorrow night after being away for 2 weeks straight, and he has actually been home for about 1 week on and off in the last 5 weeks. I am not sure if I miss him - or if i just miss having someone else to help with DS. It's been hard - DS has given up looking for him, so he is just going to go crazy when he wakes up on saturday to find his daddy home. I hope the weather is nice so the two of them can go outside and run around, and let me catch up on all the things that need doing!

[onthefly]

Shannon - the mental image of that person on the plane is priceless!
Hope the FS appointment goes well.
Dunno about genetic links. There seems to have been a general increase in the number of people using AC, probably for a variety of reasons, so it's not surprising that there would be some amongst all of our relatives. One of my cousins used AC, but the others appear pretty fecund. My siblings are the only ones that haven't started families yet, actually.

WOW Lenny, how do you manage on your own for so long? Your DH needs to get a different job . Have you got some nice personal-time activities planned for when he's back?
I can completely understand why trips away, particularly if they're long and/or frequent, are anything but holidays. Let's face it, you're never really on holidays with kids.

[sazzafrazz]

Lenny, hope you all have a fantastic catch up when DH gets home. DS will go bananas when he realises. C goes a bit mad when Nige gets home after a couple of hours

Shannon, I wondered the same thing. I actually mentioned it to the FS and he almost laughed at me. Ours is diff though, being DH family. His mum and eldest sister had hysterectomies in their mid 30s, second sister almost died of heamorrage at first AF and last sister had several miscarriages plus first child was very preterm, and had preterm problems with second child. DH had undecended testes. I'm thinking all sex organs start out the same in early foetus so perhaps his problems COULD be related back to his mother. FS didnt care to discuss.

Others relate the higher incidence of AC to the environment, chemicals, electronic "stuff", foods. That could effect some families more than others if they are succeptable I guess. Hmmm, it's a tough one to think about. I do wonder if we may have passed on something to C. I sure hope not, I wouldnt want her to go through the same thing.

Shannon, I understand what you were saying about the addiction and feeling lost. I never really felt a normal part of my belly buddies group, because of being the only AC one. I also felt a bit the same with my mums group for ages. Not so much now but I do feel 'alone' when they are now starting with the next bubs. I guess it has been part of my life for over 12.5years so it's coloured a lot of what I have experienced in that time. I am having a difficult time letting go of that way of thinking. It is going to take some time to stop thinking about TTC or waiting etc. I have to retrain myself I think.

Went through all of C's baby clothes last night. Took 5 big bags to the opshop today and will be selling the rest once I have organised bundles. I have already been through the bottles, jolly jumper etc. Feels good to be decided and proactive for a change. I am amazed at how OK I am with it all actually. Not like me at all! It has given me a bit of a boost in the "appreciate all the little things that come with this age cause they wont last long" department.

Lenny, completely understand how you feel about your trips to NZ. I often feel for those who move far away like that cause you spend all your holidays with family, not really "Holidaying" and feel obligated to do it, not just for fun. Do they get out here much? How is your brother doing these days??

[sazzafrazz]

Sorry girls, I have just realised how selfish my posts have been lately. I promise it wont dominate every conversation forever, it's just been such a big one for me!

BW, can sympathise with you and your frosties. I guess just worry about it when the time comes. We were a bit the same for a while after C's traumatic birth, not knowing if we ever could go back. Just remember, you can store those bubbas for years!!!!

Hello everyone else!!! Nice to have this thread going again

[onthefly]

His mum and eldest sister had hysterectomies in their mid 30s, second sister almost died of heamorrage at first AF and last sister had several miscarriages plus first child was very preterm, and had preterm problems with second child. DH had undecended testes. I'm thinking all sex organs start out the same in early foetus so perhaps his problems COULD be related back to his mother. FS didnt care to discuss.

Oh my goodness! That's really rough for his family. Surely it couldn't all just be a coincidence...

And it's not selfish Sazz, this is a place to get it all out and to have your 'mentalness' understood.

Those little bubbies will keep BW . In time you'll know what to do.