Huge hugs hun.

Don't think for one second that anyone will judge you. I can't say that I have been in the same situation as you but I am sure that after many years of TTC and having all the feelings that you described (anger, frustration and sadness) that they will not go away instantly. With you also losing a twin I am sure that those feelings are hanging around even more due to your loss. Don't hate yourself for feeling sad about your loss. It hurts all the same for everyone and you need to be able to let it all out. It sounds like your DH maybe struggling with it too which is maybe why he is not wanting to discuss it. Do you think that if you were to speak to someone, not necessarily family but someone maybe like a counsellor or a close friend who you trust. I think that getting all of your feelings out in the open will be a big release for you. I'm sure it won't take away the pain but I think it would lift a big weight off your shoulders.

Do you think that maybe you are not wanting to buy maternity clothes or baby things because you are scared of losing your precious bub? I think you really need to talk to someone hun and even your Dr would be a great start to sorting out your feelings and seeing if there is anything they can do to help you get through this.

You will get there hun and in a few short months you will have this amazing bundle in your arms that you have been wanting for so long. Not sure if any of this will help but just know that we are all here for you, you don't have to feel alone