Hi ladies

Just got back from my first session with my psychologist since getting 'the news' and thought I'd share something she said to me. It might be of a little help to those currently expecting a boy when they had hoped for a girl (or vice versa).

I shared with her my terror that I won't be able to bond with this baby, that I will resent him for not being the girl I had so wanted and that I won't be able to love him the way I do my DD. I am most terrified that he will in some way pick up on my feelings; and I couldn't live with myself if my own child ever felt unwanted, unloved or a disappointment to me.

What she said to me was that when people are able to admit to how they are feeling, when they are able to openly talk about exactly how they feel without inhibition and able to openly grieve the loss and disappointment they are feeling, this is when they have the best chance of recovering and healing from it. She said that because I found out early and now have this time before the baby comes to really go through the grief process it is very unlikely that I will pass on any negative feelings to my son. It's people who suppress these feelings (out of guilt, shame, fear of persecution and judgment) that have the most problems. It is normally their children who will end up picking up on their unresolved feelings. Because that's the thing - it you don't acknowledge there is a problem and actively do something to help yourself, it will never go away.

At the moment I am still terrified about bonding with this child as I feel so unconnected with him still. But her words gave me hope that given time to grieve and give expression to all my feelings I may be able to get past this.

Anyway, hope that's of some small hope/help to someone else.