Dear Tanya,

Thanks for filling me in on your situation. You know, even not knowing exactly what i am having yet I feel just like you-feel I don't want to see anyone, am avoiding social occasions, don't want people to talk about my pregnancy...especially the hope its a boy bit. That comment stings like nothing else. I also understand how you can want to ignore baby moving. You just feel so angry at the situation and so disappointed that what you dreamed might be was not to be this time.

I noticed the names of your family-they are beautiful, especially the name Violet, it is a lovely old fashioned strong name. Just thought I would mention that-you have given your girls a lovely start with those names!

I know what you mean about feeling like a failure by not having a boy...this is the same emotion I talked about with my counsellor when exploring why's of wanting a boy. She pointed out that it truly is 50 50 every time so there's nothing clever or personal in it. She also told me she never wanted girls, really enjoyed boys. Wound up with three girls! I asked her how she felt by the third and she said "resigned to it". She is about 60 now and said she now feels very good about it, she has grandsons, son in laws and is very close to her girls. She encouraged me to look at the long term picture and the women I would send off into the world and what their roles would be and how the family would change with time. I hope this helps a little.

You are not going crazy by the way. You are dealing with your new baby in the best way you can. I sense you feel you are feeling really overpowered by your emotions at times. Boy, do i know that one. I was in the shower sobbing my heart out just yesterday, it felt like emotional and physical pain it is so hard to deal with. I suspect though I feel I am getting prepared I may still be in for a really scary fall come scan time. What keeps me going is that if i do not have a boy I know that time is an enormous healer and that while I may always wish i had a son, the intensity of that feeling will fade. I have a friend with three girls and she said that even last year she was really envious of those who had boys but she is now at a point that its not so hard anymore. Her youngest is three next week.

Tanya, lots of love and hugs to you. I will be thinking of you and hoping you start to have more good days than bad. I am also sure that baby is going to be absolutely gorgeous. Keep me posted, I would love to hear how you are going on your journey.