Oh Hammi,While I'm relieved for you that AF is proving you're body's getting back to normal, I know that it's a really hard thing to cope with. It's like part of you wants to be happy that things are getting back on track, but most of you is still heartbroken over the loss of your precious angel Hamish. I've noticed a couple times when people would find out, and like you said, come up all teary and apologetic, I would be telling them that it was ok--that I'm just hanging in there--very calm and rational like you said... but it's like I'm consoling them for my loss! I think in my case it's easier to cope like that--most of the time I have to really focus on not thinking about the child I lost (while I've lost 4 total, the last one was definitely the hardest) and just focus on the child we're trying to create right now. I, too, feel excited and hopeful and scared about going through it all over again, but I feel more scared NOT to try, like I would be giving up on something that I so desperately want! It's so hard to not dwell on what might have been, or could have been... what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and smarter, and a valuable lesson is usually learned--it just usually takes time for that lesson to become clear, and you're able to realize what it was that you needed to learn from that experience. I'm sorry you're down, hun. Know you're always in my thoughts and prayers.
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