Diana, you are absolutely NOT a bad mother. You just went through one of the most traumatic things any women could go through and were distressed about seeing your baby in a way that you didn't want to hold a memory of. I can relate to that. While Jasmine was 19-weeks, she was 1.5 - 2 wks underdeveloped so I was really concerned about what she would look like and didn't want that memory either. I was very lucky to have a mother that could give me good advise to see her regardless as she had lost 2 babies, one at 38 wks and one at about 22 wks and in those days that weren't allowed to see the baby at all, which is something that really effected her. Jass was very small and very red, she didn't really look like a 'normal baby' as she was so underdeveloped and not growing correctly, but she was my precious one. I didn't hold her for very long though and that is something that I do regret. I think when you go through something like that your in a completely different emotional realm and really can't think properly, that's where you expect good advise from medical staff like midwifes and you were let down badly, and I am so sorry for that hun, but please forgive yourself your a very special lady!
Theresa & Teagz, thank you for sharing your stories, they made my heartbreak. I just can't understand how things like that happen in this day and age.
Jo, I'm not really into psychics myself, but that 'twin' thing, about the boy not making it really disturbed me, maybe I read it wrong, but I didn't like that at all. Nice about your beautiful fairy girl though.
Paula, in case I don't get to post before you test, BEST of LUCK hun I am so hoping for a BFP for you and if I get one as well our little chicks will almost have the same EDD I'm guessing
i am having another feel sorry for myself day today. But have just told DS that we will go to the park and have fish and chips for lunch. Then we may have a cold rock ice cream - yum!!!
Laney - i'm gonna send you an email...
diana - Please listen to us all -YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER!!! When Jack and Madison were born i was so caught up in the emotions of having given birth to them and knowing they could'nt come home with me that i could'nt see them until the next morning. I have felt guilt at waiting that long but i still held them and had that time with them regardless and i cherish that time i had. Our emotions are so raw that i am surprised that any of us can make a decision at that time about anything after experiencing what we do. Sending you hugs! I really don't want you to feel that way...all our angels would know how much they were and still are loved!
berry - i understand your feelings, and i think it may have been a reason why i felt a little deflated, but she only said that it may be a possibility going by her "flash"and as
beata and DD' said it can mean other things depending on what cards surround it and that was what she was saying to me in the reading. it is her policy not to say anything bad like that but i have seen her 2x a year now for 2 years so i'm not sure if that is why she did.
DD' - i love reading about acupuncture and was glad to read it does'nt hurt. Since losing madison i have wanted to do it so much as i have heard so much about the benefits but have been too nervous. And i'm not even afraid of needles...go figure!!
Paula -my fingers and toes are crossed for you tomorrow! Hope you have a great time with your friend also!!!
teagz - i hope your results come in sooner than 2 weeks!!! x
hope the rest of you are ok!
take care girls!!! xx
Hey Girls, its pre POAS day for me today and look how well behaved my temp is being
My BB's exploded today as well and the nausea has been getting a bit stronger. I hope I do get a BFP otherwise there is something seriously wrong with me this month!
Its interesting to hear everyone's stories about holding their bubs after birth etc. I was so terrified to see Charlie. When they bought her in I didn't know what to do, I held her and looked at her for a few moments and then went to give her back to the midwife as I wasn't sure how long I was supposed to have her and I was, at that point, completely freaked out by the entire experience and of course in massive shock.
It was actually DH who looked at me like I was on drugs (which I think I was at the time) and said what are you doing, lets keep her here with us for awhile. The the Dr and midwife left and we stayed with her for awhile, to be honest I can't remember how long it was. Maybe an hour or perhaps a little less.
Over the next few days we went from not wanting a service or anything to planning something quite special. I remember being upset with the Dr for not giving me all the SANDS info etc before we went into the hospital because I could have read it and had time to plan more. In hindsight though I think they give it to you after the birth because you have other stuff to deal with between finding out and the actual birth. In the end I was really comfortable with what we did although you always think of things that you would have like to have done. No different to any other event that you plan I guess.
I'm sure most of you have seen this poem, but for those who haven't I just love it and thought it would be nice to share. We had it read at Charlie's funeral...
These are my footprints,
so perfect and so small.
These tiny footprints,
never touched the ground at all.
Not one tiny footprint,
for now I have my wings.
These tiny footprints,
were meant for other things.
You will hear my tiny footprints,
in the patter of the rain.
Gentle drops like angels tears,
of joy and not from pain.
You will see my tiny footprints,
in each butterflies' lazy dance.
I'll let you know I'm with you,
if you give me just a chance.
You will see my tiny footprints,
in the rustle of the leaves.
I will whisper names into the winds,
and call each one that grieves.
Most of all, these tiny footprints,
are found in Mummy's heart,
Cause even though I'm gone now,
we'll never be truly apart.
I had a shocking night's sleep last night. I nearly came down to the computer to post at 3am. I was thinking how much I miss Lan around. Getting a BFP won't be the same without her here. I remember I was so jealous of Lan and Jo76 who were due to start ttc at the same time as me, when all my thyroid/progesterone troubles started and I knew we were going to have to wait. I'm glad Megan you are POAS same day, have you had any symptoms or anything, have you got a vibe. Are you POAS tomorrow morning or on Sunday. I don't think I can wait till Sunday.
Plus, I have decided that if I get a BFP tomorrow I am going to the shops with my GF and buying a baby outfit. This baby is coming home with me and thats that!
Sorry for no real personals but I have been reading here and there at work to keep up to date. Will have more time next week.
See you all in the morning with my news, you'll be the third to know after DH, GF!!
Oh thank you girls. Thank you for sharing your own experiences with me and I am so sorry for all you have had to go through. It seems that most of us have suffered the same feelings of apprehension and fear about seeing and holding our angels straight after birth. You are all so right, we are in such a raw, emotional state that we cannot possibly make proper decisions at that time, and now it seems quite a few of us have some regrets. A big thank you for helping me see that it was not just me, even though it is so sad and unfortunate you have had to use your own personal experiences to do so. I wish no-one had to go through this, and I pray we never have to again. A really big, tight group hug is in order
Megan, how very sad your mum lost 2 babies. I wonder why they wouldn't let you see them back in those days. Must have been very difficult for her not being able to say goodbye. Testing day for you too tomorrow?
Jo, enjoy your day at the park eating yummy food. Do acupuncture! You have nothing to be nervous about, it seriously does not hurt and it sounds like there are many benefits from it. Make an appointment today!
Helen, enjoy your weekend away and cervix, behave! Not sure if you are interested and not that I think you need it, but did you read my post on acupuncture for IC?
Beata, good luck with the staple removing tomorrow. Hope you won't be in too much pain and recovery goes quick and smooth when they are out.
Paula, congratulations on your well behaved temps! Oh I am feeling so positive but you must let us know tomorrow or Helen and I will miss out on the news. Thanks for the beautiful poem. I can't stop crying now but everyone at work already knows I'm mental so no problem there.
Thanks again girls, I have said it before and will say it again, don't know where I'd be without you all.
MrsRobbo, I'm going to have to read that poem when I get home! Four lines into it and I was already welling up. It describes our angels so well.
I've got all my fingers crossed for your BFP tomorrow!! Hopefully you'll know during saturday morning so I can have a quick sticky beak before I go away for the long weekend!
We still haven't done anything for Jayvan yet, his ashes sit on our dressing table with his little teddy. I think I might just keep him there for now.
Jo, you're allowed as many feel sorry for yourself days as you can have!! One of those icecreams does sound quite good though. I hope you enjoy your fish and chips (or shark and tadies as my DF calls them ) with your DS at the park!
Berry1, Seems there is something that everyone regrets when our bubs were born. I think we just have to remember we did the best we could under the circumstances we were all put in.
AFM. DF and I came to the agreement last night that we are going to let nature take it's course over the next couple of months, just have fun with each other and see what heppens. If I fall pg, well then bonus.. If I'm not in the next 3 months then we'll start counting days (because you know, I won't be counting at all before then). I feel alot calmer now I have an actual 'controlable' plan instead of floating in limbo!
And on a more pleasent note, we are gonig on a miniholiday for the long weekend with my fam for mums birthday (which is australia day) It will be so good to get away! To bad I'll be up to CD14 when I'm sharing a small caravan with my parents... but, you know.. I'm not counting or anything
Paula, that poem was so beautiful, but so sad, it made me cry! I am so praying for a BFP for you tomorrow Are you sure that its been long enough to get a BFP? Like me you only O'd 12 days ago today. I thought it had to be a least 14-days for your hormone levels to be high enough, but I did notice on FF that some people did get BFP's under 14 days so I'm a bit confused about that.
We were going to wait until Monday to be sure that we don't get a false positive, as I'd be so disappointed, but have now started to think maybe Sunday and I think if you get a BFP tomorrow Paula, it will be too much for me, I may have to test
Teagz, sounds like a good plan. As you know its so easy to get really stressed about ttc, so if you know in your mind your just 'seeing how things go' and just enjoying life for a couple of months, you'll be much more relaxed.
Beata, glad that those staples are now out and you can start healing. Do you know how long you have to wait until you get the ok to ttc again? You'll be joining us in no time.
Jo, I hope you enjoyed your fish and chips and ice-cream, sounds yummy! and that you are feeling a little better.
Helen, if you haven't left already, have a wonderful long weekend away. You will be fine, so don't stress and enjoy yourself.
My mum did have a hard time having kids and I appreciate more now just what she did go through. She also had 3 m/c, so took her a while to have my sister, but in the end had 4 children, with the last two being twins so there is hope
AFM, I got the first blood test results back from the geneticist today. They checked my and DH's chromosomes and again all normal (we did get them checked while I was pg) but as Jasmine had a fatal heart condition they checked our Chromosome 22 which can have defects effecting the heart, which were both normal as well. So she said that there is no reason why the next pg shouldn't be normal. They are doing one further test on Jasmine's DNA which is apparently very specialised to see if the mosacism and the heart condition were linked, which we think it was, but have no evidence to support. Like you Teagz, I am also still waiting for her autopsy results, we have the prelimenary one which confirmed her heart condition, but the full results won't be out for I think another 2-months. I was told a min of 6-months in NSW as only one hospital does it.
Anyway, Paula, I am going to be on here first thing in the morning. Thinking of you.
Berry. Jesus 6 months! That would kill me I think.
The reason Jayvan had died was because his internal cavity had filled with fluid.. we are still waiting on tests for genetics & the reason why that may have happened
Just thought i would put that out there incase anyone had heard of that sort of thing happening before
How exciting for you Megan and Paula !!!!!! I am sitting here in anticipation chewing my nails off hoping for our very next couple of BFPs !! Thinking of you girls and crossing all my fingers and toes for you Bit of excitement here lately hey ?
Who else is testing soon BTW ???
Megan, I have to wait 3 months so the uterus is healed and then we're gonna do the frozen bub transfer in May I hope. I'm going back to my OB in 5 weeks so we can start the ball rolling with the usual blood tests etc, so I'm all ready for when it's go go time!
Megan, sending you big hugs hun . I am so glad your mum gave you such good advice to see your little girl, as if you didn't, you might have really regretted it later. No matter what our babies looked like, they were our precious babies, and we love them no matter what. I also think they are beautiful no matter what. There is always going to be something we would have done differently, but isn't that true for a lot of things after we've done them ? I'm so glad you got to hold your precious little girl. I held Joshua for a few minutes but I also wish I could have held him for a lot longer. I also regret not having him with us in the room overnight, but it's too late now and I can't change things. I'm just so glad I held him and cuddled him and gave him heaps of kisses. He will always will be my precious little angel.
PS Good luck for you test hun, hope it's a BFP ! Bring it on !!!!
Jo76, I'm so sorry that your're feeling so bad ATM, big hugs hunni. We all get those days, hey ? When I feel like that, I try and think of other people so much worse off than me and I feel better straight away. But remember, it's OK to feel like that sometimes, you are human like the rest of us ! BTW, I have tried accupuncture, and it really doesn't hurt. I don't mind needles, abut I also don't like them that much LOL, but they are so fine you don't even feel them going in. I just had my 19 staples taken out this mornig and I was literally ****ting myself, but it didn't hurt at all. It's official, I am a big wuss.
Paula, I'm so excited for you for tomorrow ! I bet you won't sleep a wink tonite. Great signs so far ! Please, please BFP for you for tomorrow !!
Hi Diana hun, had the staples taken out this morning, wasn't as bad as I thought..you must be looking forward to the Gold Coast now, I love the place ! When do you leave ?
Gotta finish here girls, tummy is telling me to go fo a lie down. Big hugs and kisses to all my beautiful friends xxx
PS Thank you girls for sharing your stories about your beautiful precious little babies. My heart goes out to you you are all very special girls xx
but please forgive yourself your a very special lady!
) with your DS at the park!
Bit of excitement here lately hey ?
Bookmarks