Why Does My Baby Wake Up When I Put Her Down?

Why Does My Baby Wake Up When I Put Her Down?

It’s many a parent’s frustration: your baby has finally fallen asleep in your arms, and you want to put her down so you can have a break, go to the toilet or even feed yourself!

You quietly tiptoe towards your baby’s bed, doing your very best not to disturb her.

At a painfully slow speed and with super smooth motion, you lower her into bed.

But the minute she hits the mattress, her eyelids fly open and she immediately eyeballs you with the, ‘I can’t believe you just tried to put me down!’ look on her face.

She’s wide awake.

It’s all over.

She wants to be back in your arms.

No matter how many times you try, or how deep of a sleep you think she’s in, it happens again.

And again.

And again.


Why Does My Baby Wake Up When I Put Her Down?

There are two main reasons your baby wakes up as soon as you put her down.

Firstly, it’s important to understand that a baby’s sleep cycle is different to an adult’s.

It takes up to 20 minutes for babies to reach a deep sleep.

This means your baby will wake easily, if disturbed before this time.

Part of the problem could be you’ve tried to put your baby down too soon.

However, some parents find that even waiting longer doesn’t seem to help… which brings us to the second reason.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, it’s not something you can control or change.

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Infants Are Designed To Sense Separation

Professor James McKenna, the world’s leading expert on co-sleeping, explains:

“Infants are biologically designed to sense that something dangerous has occurred – separation from the caregiver. They feel, through their skin, that something is different, such as missing the softness of the mother’s touch, the heat of mother’s body, the smell of mother’s milk, the gentleness of mother’s moving, breathing chest and the feeling of being protected. Infants are alerted because, as far as their own body is concerned, they are about to be abandoned, and it is therefore time to awaken to call the caregiver back — the very caregiver on whose body the infant’s survival depends”.

Unlike an adult’s brain, a newborn’s brain is not developed enough to grasp the concept that she is a separate person from her mother.

This starts to happen later, somewhere between 6-9 months. Hello separation anxiety!

It’s not simply a case of baby thinking it will make for a great game to keep on crying, so that a mama or dada person will come running to her aid and do as she pleases.

Your baby is not into slavery, manipulation or instant gratification: she’s into a game called survival.

She’s just arrived from a place where she never felt frightened, hungry, or cold.

She wasn’t aware of the feeling of air brushing past her body, or the need to pass gas, poo or wee. It was a perfect, constant environment where everything was comfortable.

What a massive reality shift, suddenly to start feeling all those things!

Read about how to create an awesome fourth trimester and give your baby a gentle transition into the world.

Putting Things Into Perspective…

If you have a 2-month-old (for example), it might help put things into perspective if you remember this: your baby has only been on the planet, outside the womb, for eight weeks. Eight weeks!

That’s not to say that only very young babies are clingy and needy.

Separation anxiety is a developmental milestone that also happens in toddlerhood.

Again, it’s not manipulation.

It’s a realisation that ‘mum or dad is leaving and I don’t know when they’ll be back’.

As far as your baby is concerned, you might as well be in China!

Babies’ brains aren’t sufficiently developed to understand distance the way adults can.

To them, absence of the caregiver  represents danger – a matter of life and death. And lying there helplessly is danger.

We need to remember that empathy, love and nurturing are key factors in helping our babies develop a secure sense of confidence, independence and self esteem.

Okay, so now you understand your baby’s behaviour, but what can you do?

Obviously there is not much you can change from a biological perspective.

But it can help if you understand that your baby needs to feel safe in this short period of her life.

Life can be so much easier if you ditch the ‘rules’ and work with – not against – how your little bub is programmed for survival. Both you and your baby can also be so much happier.

If you put your baby down and she wakes or starts to cry, you might like to comfort her in her bed and see how you go.

Read our co-sleeping article if you’re worried about rolling onto your baby.

If that doesn’t help, or if you allow your baby’s cries to escalate, it could further increase her anxiety levels.

She might think she has been abandoned, or is in an unsafe situation.

Your baby is still learning what it means to be in the world.

Does crying out for help bring her loving reassurance?

Or does it result in nothing?

If so, why bother asking anyone for help?

When you give her comfort, she too learns to give comfort to those who cry out for help.

It can be tiring and stressful work sometimes.

Try putting everything else on your to-do list on hold and surrendering into baby snuggles.

It’s a great solution.

Realising that your baby is communicating fear and not manipulation is so important.

What You Resist, Persists…

It might help to remind yourself that, like many early parenting trials, ‘this too will pass’.

Everything is temporary; nothing in life is permanent.

When your baby successfully moves through the stage of needing to be in your arms to feel safe (which happens far too quickly), she’ll be a more confident, self assured little being. It’s a necessary step.

I know some of you will be thinking, ’I’m going to go crazy cuddling my bub and getting nothing done!’ But would you rather go crazy trying to calm a baby whose danger alert system is going off all day, and therefore can’t have a decent sleep?

When you comfort her and she learns she’s safe and protected (and when she has a cosy, comforting sleep), it’ll be much easier.

Sanity Saving Ideas

  • Buy a decent carrier or sling; my favourites are the Hugabub, Manduca or Ergo. Many mothers swear by a variety of ring slings too. If you can, test them out before you buy. It’s great to be hands-free, and keep your baby feeling safe.
  • Ask for help. Let family members take turns holding baby. People love holding sleeping babies, and you’ll be surprised at the offers of help. If you don’t have much help available, consider hiring a post-natal doula who can help you for a few hours each week
  • Try using a safe baby hammock
  • Is your baby in a Wonder Week? If your baby is having a stormy week or a fussy period, she might be more clingy, cranky or crying more often. It’s due to developmental milestones. There’s not much you can do, except batten down the hatches and comfort and cuddle your little one through it, but it helps to know that it’s normal behaviour for that week. I highly recommend all new parents buy this book, The Wonder Weeks. Stick the week by week chart on the fridge, its brilliant.
  • Is baby’s room cold? Sometimes a cold room or cold sheets can startle your baby, especially in winter. It might help if you can preheat the room for a little while before bed, or heat up a wheat pack to pre-warm the bed. Make sure it’s not too hot; test the mattress before placing your baby on it.
  • Slip one of your unwashed teeshirts over the mattress. Your baby will be able to smell your scent and it might help with the transfer.

Remember, it will pass. It might feel like an eternity at the time, but it’s such a short stage of your baby’s life. It will be gone before you know it, and then you’ll miss those tiny snuggles. Hang in there, mama!

Recommended Reading

For more information on baby sleep, check out our baby sleep articles and our list of recommended baby sleep books.

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Kelly Winder is the creator of BellyBelly.com.au, a writer, doula (trained in 2005), and a mother of three awesome children. She's passionate about informing and educating fellow thinking parents and parents-to-be, especially about all the things she wishes she knew before she had her firstborn. Kelly is also passionate about travel, tea, travel, and animal rights and welfare. And travel.


  1. I am grateful for this article. I have a 7 month old who just started wanting me all the time. It is different from when he was a newborn who just ate, slept and pooped and wanted to be with me nursing all day. This is more like he is afraid. During the day he may be playing in his car walker and I walk to the kitchen to do something, he can still see me, but he starts crying. When I read that this happens commonly between 6-9 months I felt relieved and will now have to show this to my hubby who keeps saying I should let him cry it out, especially in the crib at night and he will get used to it.

    1. Same here I am against cry out method even before reading these great articles coz my mother instinct says something is wrong leaving my baby cries like that he needs his mommy to feel safe. He can’t walk, talk or feed himself that’s why he feels in danger when mommy leaves him so mommy should always be there for her baby and this article made me stronger about my idea that the baby is not playing with mommy’s feelings to come running to him but the opposite he needs to feel safe it is survival Thing for the baby. I am trying to convince my husband as well to forget the idea of cry out method. Those who created this idea are against humanity and motherhood. Mother instincts that I cry if I hear my baby crying and not responding to him so who has a heart to write leave your baby cry for one hour or two? Is your heart or conscience in a break ????

  2. Loved reading this article, my son is going on 6 months and is exactly how you described..its his daytime naps that he refuses.. il nurse him till he falls asleep go to put him down and he just wakes up as if he is not tired at all.. his night time sleeps i have absolutely no problem with just his daytime naps.. im now learning to work with him and not against, it almost seems to be working. Thanks!

    1. Phoebe I have the exact same problem. She’s a dream at night time but during the day she will only sleep in my arms. You said you’re learning to work with him and it’s almost working…. any tips you’ve been trying would be really appreciated by a first time mum 🙂

      1. i have the same problem with my 9 month old grandaughter. She will go to sleep for her naps great if I hold her, the second I put her down she wakes and cries. I feel so bad so I pick her up and she falls right back to slleep in my arms. My daughter gets upset with me saying I cannot let her sleep in my arms, but I don’t know what else to do. Please help with suggestions !,!!

    2. This is exactly my issue!! Sleeps all night but the day time is a nightnare! She’s currently sleeping in my arms and I’m too scared to put her down as I did 10mins ago and she woke!!! Any tips would be much appreciated so I can get my arms back x

      1. All you ladies are very lucky that you have no problems with the night sleeps! My DD is like this 24/7 I have to sleep with her every night cradling her in my arms, otherwise neither of us get any sleep. I haven’t even slept in my bed for 7 weeks
        During the day though I couldn’t take feeling like I was a prisoner anymore. Always stuck on the couch and couldn’t move when she was asleep. I went and bought a hug a bub ring sling and it was the best investment ever! I can have my hands free to do the housework, prep dinner, have some food and water! We’re both comfortable with it on. She falls asleep in at while I can be productive and we also have a lovely cuddle at the same time. I don’t know what I’d do without my sling I would highly recommend it to anyone!

  3. I baby sit for my granddaughter and have the same exact problem. I am also glad I understand what is going on with her. Makes it easier to know I am doing what I can for her. I am a ‘WHY’ person. I feel so much better knowing why she wakes up as soon as I lay her down. Thanks for the article.

  4. Thank you so much for this great article. I was going crazy wondering how my baby could be fast asleep in my arms and yet so awake as soon as his head touched the mattress! I also went through weeks of beating myself up over the fact that I was cuddling him for most of his naps. I worried I was setting both of us up for problems down the track and I felt bad that I was sitting around the house holding a sleeping baby rather than doing all the other things that needed to be done. Eventually I decided that I would never look back at this time in my life and think “I wish I hadn’t cuddled my baby so much”! Your article was very affirming not only that it’s ok to do what I’m doing but also why this is precisely the right thing to do – so thank you!

  5. ‘Just go with it’ is great in theory; but any advice when you’re a single mum so can’t share the burden and can’t sleep because Bub refuses to be put down? It may be biological but it’s not sustainable – forget that I can barely do laundry – I Can cope during the day but I simply cannot hold her all night long. It’s physically impossible and both mentally and emotionally exhausting.

      1. I have both the Ergobaby carrier and liberty sling – neither of which she likes and cries a lot. I use them for short periods of time and she’s getting used to them. However puting her in a sling and walking with her is still not sustainable at night as I can’t get her out of it without waking her and pacing my house all night is still not a sustainable option. She will be deeply asleep in my arms after having been held for 20-30 minutes then wake up a few minutes after being out in the cot. She rolls her head from side to side and grizzles a bit before escalating to crying. I am up and down all night and sitting up holding her. She is wrapped and I’ve tried letting her arms out which makes it worse. I just can’t keep doing this. Please any advice on how to help her stay asleep even for an hour or two in her cot would be much appreciated.

        1. Hi Sarah, being a single mum is hard work! Have you tried sleeping with her in bed next to you? It’s seen as most ideal if our babies sleep by themselves but many babies don’t agree with this and are so much happier next to their mother (None of my three liked sleeping alone). 🙂

        2. It’s definitely an exhausting and difficult thing when your baby won’t sleep unless permanently attached to you. My 10 wk old son is currently doing this – he’s my 3rd boy so I feel a lot less stressed by it this time tho.

          Not sure how you feel about co-sleeping but it’s the only way my son will sleep. He sleeps very little during the day – will only sometimes nap in a sling when I’m carrying him, At night he sleeps in bed with me and just latches on and off the boob thru the night. Sometimes I think “gosh I should really put him back in his bassinet” but I know if he stays in bed with me we’ll all get a good nights sleep. I’ve really come to learn after 3 kids that it’s expectations that cause the most stress and grief. I expected them to follow certain sleep patterns and when they didn’t I felt like I was failing. In truth, they just had their own patterns and needed different things than I expected… unfortunately like the article says, sometimes you just have to wait till this phase passes; and it will I promise! As much as you can, be with your little one because she is sending you a clear message that she needs to be near you for whatever reason. It’s hard work but your bond will be stronger because of it. : )

          1. Thank you so much Ladies. I researched cosleep img and she’s been in bed with me the past few nights. She now goes 3 hours before waking and is much easier to soothe as I’m right there with her. We’re working on side feeding at the moment! Thank you for saving my sanity and also helping me maintain a bond with my daughter.

          2. Thanks so mucj for your beautiful words. I read and read..and you are absolutely right..its the expectations from all those sleep websites..i googled out of desperation..made me feel like i was doing everuthing wrong and that it was my fault that he doesnt sleep.
            Thank you

        3. Hi just reading your post. Just wonder if u try an oseapath my baby was so unsettled all day crying all time. And always suffered with wind. I took her for a treatment after hearing about it from a friend who recommend it for the wind. But when we got there it was more the nerves in the bck off her neck that was the problem so she most constantly of been uncomfy n waking in pain all the time with it. Just an idea my daughter had abit off a flat sides head its fine now but probably what course it.

  6. Thanks a lot for this very informative article. I have a three week old who is how you have described. He falls asleep in my arms, on my chest, or beside me on the bed. Last night for example he was being rather fussy and would only sleep on my chest. I guess they’re very needy at this age and we’re mainly the only person they know and feel comfortable with. Plus, let’s remember we were at this point once upon a time as well. This article melted my heart.

    -Kayla Umm Mu’aawiyah

  7. This article has been extremely helpful to me. Next time my baby cries, I’ll remember all of this and embrace the moment with my little boy. I am his safe place. It’s not manipulation

  8. Yeah but what do you do if your kid won’t even sleep at night beside you side feeding? I really don’t give a crap anymore about how sweet it is to be needed. She cries and wails unless I’m holding her and standing… No rocking allowed no wearing her. I’m going on two weeks of maybe one hour of sleep total for day and night which is obviously becoming more dangerous by the hour. I’m so tired of people saying what she’s doing is natural. There’s nothing natural about this!

    1. Hi Tish, Has sleep improved over the last few weeks? How is her crying? Have you been able to link it to anything? I’m a postpartum doula and concerned mom thinking about you. It can be an isolating job being a parent, and trying to solve the crying (especially when it is constant) is beyond exhausting.

    2. How old is your baby, if 4 mos or 14 lbs you can do sleep training. Some babies need to learn how to self sooth. I sleep trained my first and it was the best thing I could have done for my sanity, my child and my marriage. It is also important to give your child a good foundation for sleep. My NB is 2 weeks now and I plan to sleep train as soon as possible. We use the “sleep easy solution” method.

    3. Hey first if all, huuuugs! Hang in there! You might want to talk to your doctor about it. If it’s colic then your doctor might suggest some gas drops and that will help.. It could be some physical pain too.. Maybe she’s hurting somewhere.. Your doctor may know a support group you could go to… Put her down and go to another room when you can’t take it or call someone

  9. My baby boy is 1 month old & to be honest my husband has given up on cosleeping with us because we dont sleep. My baby will absolutely NOT sleep if it not in someones arms. Is devastating. I fell asleep twice while holding him and thank god i find him safe when i wake up. Im so scared now. I need a solution for him to sleep!

    1. Hi Hebaa, As with Tish above, just checking to see if sleep has improved and if you are doing okay. Have you found something that works for him? Have you been able to improve your sleep?

  10. This happens to me way to often. I co-sleep with my 3 month old and I was wondering if its normal for him to hold onto my shirt to fall asleep or grabbing at my breast? We don’t breastfeed and I read somewhere that usually only breastfed babies do that.

  11. My baby has just recently turned 1, we try to get him to sleep diring his last feed (8 ounces of milk) usually just after he’s been bathed. Nine times out of ten he usually falls asleep, unless we have guests then he likes to be nosey.

    However, as soon as he’s put to be bed it’s like a new lease of life no matter how tired he was he would just scream the house down. We tried comforting but it went on for hours and he would never sleep unless being held.

    We then tried going in every 10 mins to comfort and put him down that just made things even worse.

    So…we have now go to the stage where we leave him to cry it out, the first few days took the longest. We re now in the situation where if he does wake he cries for no more than 10 minutes and sleeps right through the night.


    1. Hi Aaron, you mean you just let your little one cry for some time and will eventually sleep? I’m also thinking of the same thing but what worries me is my little one being gassy because of the crying.

      1. My daughter and I tried that with my 8 month old granddaughter and she cried so much she vomited!! The babies doctor said that might happen, but when it actually happened we all got so upset including the babies daddy we stopped letting her cry it out , so we are back to square one ugh! Mostly, because she barely naps she gets overtired and fights her sleep ugh! So then once she does fall asleep even if my daughter waits 20 or more minutes she wakes up the minute she gets set down even in dear daughters bed ugh!! My daughter is absolutely going crazy and since she and granddaughter live with me I am worried about them both!! I get that cuddling is great for the baby, but my baby needs to sleep as well!! Good luck to you all! Rish I hope letting your little one cry it out works better for you!

  12. I just want to say that it’s also okay if you aren’t in a position to be able to just cuddle your baby non-stop and have to put him down sometimes. Some of you are talking about being so sleep deprived that you are actually endangering your babies!! While babies are biologically programmed to want their mother/carer, that doesn’t mean it absolutely must be on their terms all the time. Some of us have other kids who also need their mothers – and not just to give them meals and bathe them, but to actually spend quality time with, cuddle with and invest in a relationship with. Some of us have mental health issues and require some time to ourselves to maintain our emotional wellbeing. And all of us need enough sleep.

    If you’re long-term sleep-deprived and/or feeling at your wit’s end, you are more of a danger to your baby. Babies don’t die from being left in a safe environment (e.g. their cot) to cry for 10 minutes while you take the time to go to the toilet, shower, eat something, have a cuppa, or even just take a breath of fresh air in the garden. Babies are harmed when miserably frustrated caregivers shake them, or when exhausted caregivers fall into microsleeps while holding them because they are effectively torturing themselves with extensive sleep deprivation. There are far worse things for your baby than being kissed, softly placed in their cot with comforting words, and left to themselves for a short while, even if they protest throughout. And sometimes, you might just find bub falls alseep – overtiredness is the most underdiagnosed reason for babies crying.

  13. My daughter was ways a good sleeper and slept through the night at 3 months. Only when she was teething she woke up at night and wanted to be held. We still rock her to sleep and then put her in the crib. She is 21 months now and we have a really hard time to put her in recently. She is asleep but wakes every time we put her in. Is this just a phase? I’m not a it fan if crying it out and never needed to do it. But I worry we might have to.

  14. I have an 8 month old who has just cut two first teeth however since he was around 4 month wakes a lot at night
    5:30 bottle
    7am toast and cereal
    Has a tiny nap 30 mins in car when drooping other kids at school
    11am bottle
    12pm lunch
    1pm bed
    2:30 up school pick up ect
    3:30 bottle and try to put down for half hour doesn’t always sleep
    4:45 dinner
    5:30 bath
    6pm bottle
    6:30 bed
    Needs a lot of settling from 7:30-9pm!
    10pm dream feed bottle as we think this helps him go through longer
    Wakes around 12am screaming just wants to be held and often restless from 3am on!
    Any ideas we are getting no sleep and it’s taking its toll on us as a family!
    Thank you!!!!

  15. This is the exact same thing that happens to me and I end up holding baby literally all day long. She will only sleep for 20 min in her cot and wake up and fall asleep in my arms again. It is so good to finally understand why! What I just really need to know is how long this phase lasts?? She was sleeping well at night but about a week ago she started waking every hour and I seriously cannot hold her all day AND night, as someone else commented I am afraid of dropping her because I am so sleep deprived, because sometimes she won’t sleep if I’m not moving either! I’ve tried the carrier but we live in a very hot place and I would’t like her to overheat. Please tell me this won’t pass 6 months of age! (Also in my case it is really not so easy to get family to help as they only argue I am “spoiling” my baby).

  16. This has helped me a great deal however I still get frustrated and I don’t take it out on my newborn. The reason why I get frustrated is because my 1 month old does this all day until around 9pm then I don’t have a problem with her through out the night through feedings and changings she goes right back to sleep but once the sunlight comes up she starts the waking up and screaming everytime I put her down.I don’t knowif it’s because I’ve moved to another place or what because she didn’t do this just a week ago. I’m going to just let her cry because I don’t know what else to do.

  17. Me and my wife have a 3 week old who will not sleep AT ALL during the night and most of the day unless being held or being breastfed. I have read online that newborns are supposed to sleep 16 hours a day normally?? BS!!! It is driving my wife and I insane, and I get pissed off, it’s really frustrating rocking or holding her for a long period of time until she falls asleep then trying to lay her down and having her wake up and cry bloody murder when I know she’s perfectly fine!! My wife says she does the same almost the ENTIRE day while I’m at work, then she will cry the ENTIRE night unless she is on her moms breast or being held. We are both losing it!!! This isn’t normal and I have to put the baby down sometimes because I’m afraid im going to become overly frustrated. We both feel helpless and I feel my wife resents me because she is exhausted and is breastfeeding 24/7. I hold the baby as much as I can but its just not enough and I have no way to comfort her like my wife, the baby just cries and cries and will not sleep on her own, every time we put her down she wakes up. God help us!!! Please pray for the baby, my wife and I. God bless anyone else going through this.

    1. Hi, this sounds just like our first baby! Also with the others but not as extreme. For us, it was tongue tie affecting her ability to feed, and so she would cry for comfort both from the belly pains and also from being unable to take a full feed. It lasted many months but I found the wrap sling to help during the day, and to follow safe co-sleeping practices. The difference when one of children had their tongue tie treated was huge! They have had posterior ties which were missed by several paediatricians, lactation consultants and a feeding clinic! Made so much sense when finally diagnosed and it became more obvious as she grew. The type my kids have is referred to as a posterior tongue tie, they also have lip ties and so even with expressing they were just not settled. It felt as though it lasted forever, years later I distinctly remember! It will pass, a rocking chair can help – not because your baby will settle more, but for you to rest more while you hold your baby and attempt to offer comfort. Looking back, that would have been helpful.

    2. My daughter was like this until we finally had her diagnosed with a cows milk protein allergy at 8 weeks. I eliminated dairy from
      My diet and we saw an almost immediate change. May be worth a visit to a pediatrician. My GP and health care nurse had told me it was normal, it wasn’t. Good luck

    3. My brother ,I have been going through the same thing, my son is 3month old and he Wont sleep unless being breastfeed or held. It crazy.All he does is cry but the doctor says he is perfectly fine.

  18. When my boys were babies I used to wrap them or some will call it swaddle with a soft sheet , and lay them down , slept for ages , never had any problems , why don’t they do that now !!?

  19. My son is 6 months old and has been going through this since we brought him home- day and night. The only way he sleeps longer than 20 minutes during the day (sometimes wakes immediately when put down) is if I hold him. I usually forgo the rock n play and just hold him to make sure he gets rest.
    Night time is worse because some nights he won’t sleep more than a few minutes in his rock n play. If we hold him he sleeps more like a few hours before waking to nurse. He nurses about three times a Night still which my doctor says is too much and has constantly urged me to CIO so I can get more than three hours of sleep in a row.
    We have been just going with it and catering to our son -we believe he has separation anxiety because of when he was born he stayed in the hospital, undergoing tests due to a seizure which prohibited him from having physical contact for a week. and while I agree with this article, it sounds like this is more applying to a two month old? Or a baby who used to sleep like a champ and now isn’t suddenly? The longest he has slept through the night is 4 hours, then 2 then 2 more.
    At what point/age do you CIO or try The Furber method instead of holding baby to sleep? I ask this because I have been told repeatedly he needs to be able to put himself to sleep and I may be damaging his mind or creating insecurity. Also our son sometimes cries to the point of hyperventilating and we fear he may have an oxygen issue accompanying it and have another seizure. These are the main reasons we have contemplated CIO or Furber.
    He doesn’t have any Heath issues (has had an ear infection and thrush from antibiotic and gone through 4 month sleep regression -but that made sleeping nonexistent).
    Any advise is welcome. Thank you and I enjoyed your article.

  20. Loved the article! Thank you!

    I have a wondetful 6 weeks old boy who finds difficult sleeping especially day time. He naps well if I’m holding him after feeding but even being help for good 20 minutes the minute I put him down he wakes up and would not go back even with a gentle pat. He would cry and only stops if I hold him again. I tried laying down with him but still. He needs to be held.
    Is it too early to try to stablish a routine and settling in his cot instead of sleeping on my arms?
    Thank you!!!!!

  21. My 7 week old won’t sleep. Ever. I’m losing my mind. She was sleeping at night for 2-3 hours but now it’s 20 minutes (if I’m lucky). I can barely function and pray this actually passes sooner rather than later because I’m scared I’ll run away and never come back. Ps, I love my little girl, I’m just so tired and worried she isn’t ok.

  22. Mama? I think you’ll find Dad’s and partners have the same issue too, potentially moreso, as they cannot breastfeed a baby to sleep.

    Could you kindly aim your article at Parents and not just Mothers?

    Thankyou for the otherwise useful article.

  23. Thank You for the perspective of this article. Refreshing. I am finding it sad that we are all desperately searching for ways to separate from our new babies. I am not being judgmental, I can completely relate having been in this phase myself with my now 6 month old. I like this article because it focuses on changing our perspectives and embracing this time with our children. Separation will come, naturally and inevitably. And we will mourn the loss of the connection and dependency of infancy. Cherish every moment. Celebrate the fact that your child doesn’t want to leave your arms. If you can. I know how frustrating it can be, but I have teenagers in the home and it gives me such perspective. Instead of trying to find “solutions” to this situation (which is not a problem, but a normal, natural part of development), we have the power to change our perspectives. In our modern society, we tend to value independence and multi-tasking to the detriment of quality of life and relationships. Let’s strive not to start our journeys with our babies with this mindset infringing. Much Love.

  24. This has my daughters name written all over it. Basically since birth, I have been co-sleeping with my Olivia because she has no interest in sleeping on her own even if that means sleeping on her back RIGHT BESIDE ME. She is going on her third month and will only sleep if she is laying on my chest or on my side. Trust me, I’ve tried everything: gripe water for colic, white noise to soothe her, swaddling her and putting her heart beat teddy bear bear her, putting her on the rocker yet none of this works….I’ve watched her fall into heavy sleep on my stomach and the very moment I put her in her crib, her eyes are wide open and the cries begin. I would ask family members and other mothers (what a joke by the way) for advice, but the only answer I would receive was “she’s spoiled” or “that’s your fault for always babying her”. ABSOLUTELY I’m going to baby her, why? Well maybe because not only is she a baby, she’s my baby and I will always be there for her. So if I’m “spoiling her” or “doing too much” then so be it. At least I’m hoping and praying she knows that mommy loves her with all her heart. Yes, it’s gets exhausting being a parent, but at the end of the day, it’s all worth it. Not everything lasts. One day, you are going to look at how big they’ve gotten and wish you were capable of just holding them like you used to. Don’t let the bad over power all the good. And if you think you need a second, but nobody is around to help, it’s okay to put your son or daughter down for a moment just so you can breathe. You aren’t hurting them. It’s good to let them cry for a second, get those lungs strong…you’ll know when it’s time to go back. I promise! Hang in there! Things could be worse so be thankful it isn’t.

  25. Yeah great. So as a mother of twins and a 3 year old I usually have no other option but to let one baby cry while I tend to the other one, or even to feed my oldest. So I guess I’m doomed to be a terrible mother simply because I don’t have the luxury to just hold my babies while they sleep.

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