I am a 31 year old stay at home mum. My name is -Froofy' in the Forums. I am engaged to Nigel, also 31. We have a beautiful daughter together, who is four years old, almost five. My fiancé also has three children from a previous marriage, although they don't live with us. We live in the South Sydney area and have been trying to conceive our second child together for around two years. About ten months ago, we discovered that I had endometriosis and wasn't ovulating as my levels of progesterone were too low.
On the 20th of July, I had my long awaited laparoscopy. My gynecologist also ran dye through my fallopian tubes to check for blockages. They found some endometriosis at the base/bottom of my pelvis and removed it. The dye went right through my left fallopian tube, but they couldn't get it through the right one. I was told that this could indicate a blockage, or it could be that they couldn't get enough pressure. Whatever that means!
My first period since surgery was on the ninth of August, 2005. I was still a bit sore and uncomfortable, although almost healed. My bleeding lasted for six days. On CD11, my fiancé and I decided to start trying to conceive again, albeit very carefully, as we weren't sure how I would physically handle it. Luckily, it went well! I found an old (but not expired) ovulation kit in our bathroom draw and thought, -what the hell?' and tested my urine. After two years or so of not ovulating, you can only imagine my shock and joy at finding a positive result!
I should also mention, before I start my daily journal, that when I fell pregnant with my daughter, I had no reason to believe I had endometriosis. It only took us three months to conceive, and with very little effort at all. Ok, now you know the story so far, I'm ready to jump into what's going on in the here and now!
Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005 – 3DPO
Well, I've been very anxious and excited today! I have been charting my cycle on Fertility Friend and doing most observations on my cycle except for taking my temperature. I had a big panic today, trying to figure out exactly when I ovulated and therefore how many days past ovulation I am. With help from some forum members, we came to the conclusion I must have ovulated on the twelfth day of my cycle. For those wondering, we ‘baby danced’ on cycle days 11, 12 (twice) and 14. I really hope it was enough, what with starting so late in the cycle and all.
I have been getting cramps on my left side all day long. Not excruciating, but still strong enough for me to sit up and pay attention. My breasts feel heavier, but they have been worse than this. I seem to have an increase in creamy cervical mucous. I made myself a cup of soup today, and usually I like to sit down with it and drink it slowly. Not today! I made lots of vegemite toast to dunk in it, and ate it in the kitchen because I just couldn't wait. Am I talking myself into cravings, because I want this so badly? I have had pregnancy like symptoms in the past, and turned out not to be pregnant. It's so embarrassing when it happens!
Tonight, I got restless for another snack. I was about to do my soup and vegemite toast trick again, when Nigel said later he'd make some hot chips for us with a nice sauce. That calmed me down somewhat. Until I spotted a forgotten (very large) block of dark chocolate (my favourite) in the cupboard! I nearly cried with joy! I devoured something like half of it. I had to stop then, and take a rest from food, lol. Later, I came back to it, and finished the rest. Nigel still made the chips and sauce, which I gulped down greedily. At the last few mouthfuls, I had some rather unpleasant burps and a tiny bit of reflux. Not a good look, lol!
As for the rest of the day, because I wasn't sure if I was going through implantation, I chose to take it easy and rest as much as I could. Ok, so it's probably too soon for implantation, but the way I see it, my body is cramping up for some reason or other, and I want to give it every chance I can to do its thing. Thankfully, our little girl has been very good and very busy making lots of lovely little crafts. I was even fortunate enough to receive a paper flower from her, which was cut out by her and glued together. She makes me so proud everyday, with her cleverness and kindness to others! Also, I noticed my teeth were extremely sensitive today.
Wednesday, August 24th, 2005 – 4DPO
One strange thing that has been going on in my body today: I burped and although I didn't get reflux, I could taste vomit. How revolting, huh? My stomach also feels very heavy and sickly. Lets hope this means something, but as always, I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I also seem to have this constant soapy taste in my mouth. I'm going to feel so stupid if I turn out to be not pregnant! I also seem to be having sinus trouble. My nose has gone from being blocked to being runny, backwards and forwards all day long.
Breakfast sat in my stomach like a big hard lump, and gave me heartburn. Stayed like that til lunch so I couldn't eat too much then. Spent the afternoon outside, doing laundry, and gardening, with my daughter. It's been a lovely day.
I pigged out on a bunch of leftovers as my fiancé cooked dinner. After dinner, Nigel and I ate fried cookie dough (don't ask LOL) and then a big plate of veggies and sauce. Still got the pains on the left side of the pelvis. It'll be interesting to see how things go tomorrow.
Thursday, August 25th, 2005 – 5DPO
No symptoms that seem overly noticeable today. I took our little girl to playgroup, and was kept pretty busy. I had a little bit of a headache, and the same strong cramps on the left side, but not much else to write home about. Going insane waiting to test, though!
Friday, August 26th, 2005 – 6DPO
Well, we went down the coast today to stay at Nigel's mum's house. Extremely busy time, didn't even get a chance to think about how I was feeling! Which is probably just what the doctor ordered, to help pass the time faster. Took our dog for a walk past the beach, it was lovely. I even broke into a light jog a few times, so even if I turn out not to be pregnant, at least I know I've healed well from my surgery. I did get a headache though.
Saturday, August 27th, 2005 – 7DPO
We came home today from our little visit. My cramps are still there, but nowhere near as bad. Trying to decide when to test. Trying to figure out what colour my nipples are!!! I don't know if I'm kidding myself, but they do seem a bit darker and slightly brown, but not as much as last time when I knew I was pregnant and was aware of it. Nigel and I also thought we saw some veins in my breasts, but we also couldn't decide if it was just because we were looking too hard. I keep worrying that if I am not pregnant, I'll feel like a fool for imagining all this. My teeth still feel very sensitive too.
Sunday, August 28th, 2005 – 8DPO
Today was a very laid back Sunday, which is just what I needed after our trip away. In the afternoon, I just collapsed into bed and snoozed deeply for a few hours. I had a huge appetite soon after dinner, had a big snack, then went looking for more like a crazy woman. For some reason I didn't eat more, and about five minutes later, felt so full I was nauseous. Also, my breasts have gotten very big today, and every time I so much as bump or brush my nipples by accident on something, it really hurts! My nipples are so itchy, and they still seem brown. I have very strong veins today, too, so fingers crossed! My breasts themselves feel very tender, tingly, almost sunburnt (but they have had no sun, I promise you LOL). They felt like this last time I was pregnant too! I have to try very hard not to get my hopes up, though. I also still have some twinge like cramps in my left side. I really hope my cycle passes quickly!
Monday, August 29th, 2005 – 9DPO
Here we go, here we go, here we go…!!!
I feel like a soccer hooligan spending my time singing -why are we waiting?' in my head. Boobs are still going haywire. I have some large blue veins in them, running right up my chest, one even goes through my nipple. My nipples SEEM brown, but it's still very hard to say if it's just wishful thinking. Still got twinges in my pelvis. Lots of cervical mucous. I have a very large appetite and brushing my teeth tonight made me want to throw up! This happened last time I was pregnant, but I still worry it's the power of suggestion talking and not the real deal so to speak. Harmony walked up to me today and told me, -you're going to be pregnant soon!' What the??? Of course, i'm hoping there's something in that, in my desperate state. You know, the whole, -it must be a sign!' type of thing.
I looked in the pregnancy section of the BellyBelly Forums today and thought to myself how badly I want to join the May Belly Buddies 2005. I even started making up a website. Oh dear, I've got it bad, haven't I? When Harmony was a baby, we didn't have the internet, so I never really got to experience sharing an experience like this online. Plus, I have a journal from a little while after we got the -net, in which I discuss her a lot. But then I thought, hey why not have a site/journal about Harmony and the new bubba (hoping of course that day comes)? So I made up a nice little blog that I was happy with, and hopefully I'll be able to share it in Belly Buddies really soon! Nigel and I have decided we will go INSANE if we don't at least test tomorrow, even if it is a negative. If there's even a chance we could find out, we'll take it. I am trying to think of really creative ideas on how to make my urine stronger, and how long I can hold my bladder, very sad, right? Anyway, I shall go now, hopefully I will come back tomorrow with good news. So off I wander, humming, -insane in the membrane…'
Tuesday, August 30th, 2005 – 10DPO
Well, I tested today and got a negative. Nigel went out early to the chemist to pick up the test, and both chemists only had one brand: Lifetell. Which isn't an early pregnancy test, but I guess the poor bugger was too scared to come back empty handed, lol. Later in the day, we went into Hurstville and got a Fortel Ultra test, which detects the hormone in much smaller levels, therefore earlier. We're undecided as to whether or not to test first thing tomorrow morning or wait a bit longer. My boobs are getting so much bigger, sorer, heavier and more tender. They feel like the skin is on fire. The nipples do look dark and brown now, in my opinion, and the veins are so much more prominent. I have had a few more little cramp like pains in the pelvis also. My waist seems thicker also. I just really want an answer one way or the other now! But I must admit, I really do want this to be it. The symptoms I have are strong enough to really get my hopes up, and I don't know how I will handle a negative and a period. I have waited so long for this, and have never felt more ready to just jump in and get started. I even bought a pregnancy magazine today, and got really excited with all the articles and so forth. Oh well, time shall tell, I guess.
Wednesday, August 31st, 2005 – 11DPO
Tested again this morning with the Fortel Ultra, still a negative. And before you ask, no I will NOT ever learn!!! Still have incredibly sore boobs, and I must admit last time I was pregnant, this was the major sign for me. There were other signs too before I tested, but this was my strongest one. I'm not sure how I could imagine or talk myself into such a physical sign. I have been sooo tired, also. I still have quite prominent veins on my breasts, and the nipples still look relatively brown. My fiancé just become an uncle today, too! His sister gave birth to a little boy, and of course we are thrilled about that and hope we can go visit soon. Well, I'm still impatient as to how long I will have an answer about being pregnant, but I console myself with the thought that I'm only something like five days off being due for my period, give or take. SIGH
Thursday, September 1st, 2005 – 12 DPO
Ok, I didn't test today, just to shock everyone, lol. Took our daughter to playgroup, and came home completely exhausted. Was shocked at how hot I was from the walk there. Reminded me of when I was pregnant and nannying last time. I would take the baby for a walk in the pram, and would get very red in the face, hot and sweaty. I felt similar to that today. My CM is getting heavier, I usually have none at all this time of the month. I had the lovely surprise of discovering a large and plentiful crop of pimples all over my chin. YUM! Not! It's not normal for me to break out that much, ever. Before my period usually, I either don't break out, or I might get one small zit. But more often than not, I don't even get that. Stay tuned!
Friday, September 2nd, 2005 – 13 DPO
Well ok, at least the time feels like it's going faster now. Our daughter keeps asking me things like, -What are you going to call the baby in your tummy?' even though I've told her many times I don't know when I will -get' a baby in my tummy. Hmmm… My veins in my breasts are so strong now, they run right up my chest, almost to my neck. And there is absolutely no mistaking my nipples for any colour other than a very dark brown. They are sorer, heavier, everything. In a very noticeable way. I used my last test laying around today. The lifetell one, which I'm pretty sure isn't very sensitive. The time frame to test within, is ten minutes. At nine minutes, I could swear I saw some semblance of a very faint line. Mostly though, it looked like a negative test. I really had to squint to see it, and it definitely wasn't strong enough to even call it a faint positive at all. Nigel told me he didn't have to squint to see a very, very faint line.
This is starting to get very exciting! But I keep trying to tell myself, I can't allow myself to think that way, as I will be so disappointed before when all my symptoms have ended with a period. I think I have just decided to enjoy this feeling of hope whilst it lasts and if i'm disappointed, I know that it will be hard to handle no matter how I let myself think now. I just have to keep telling myself now, that it's not too long before I find out either way. I'd like to add, is that I've been getting extremely exhausted in the afternoons and sleeping a lot more heavily at night. Also, I have the most raging appetite I've had in a long time. How long? Oh, probably since last time I was pregnant!
Saturday, September 3rd, 2005 – 14DPO
I collapsed in a fit of exhaustion on the lounge today. Whilst I slept, I dreamt that I got a positive pregnancy test, but instead of having 2 lines, it had four! Ok…
Then, tonight, I thought I was getting my period. Then I stopped bleeding for a while. I will keep writing this for a few days if need be, but I'm pretty sure that it's my period. SIGH.
Sunday, September 4th, 2005 – 15DPO
I'm still bleeding on and off today. I don't know what to think. It's too heavy to be considered spotting, i.e. it looks like a period, yet it is so light. SIGH.
Monday, September 5th, 2005 – 16DPO
Well, I tested today on a really sensitive Discover One Step test. Definitely negative. So I'm going to take this bleeding as a period and start this next cycle anew. Oh well, back to the drawing board!