You want to raise your kids to be successful, productive adults. Who doesn’t?
But how do you make that happen? It’s not as simple as just feeding and clothing them, there are so many factors that play a part when you want to raise a productive adult successfully.
You’ll spoil her if you pick her up every time she cries!
You know, she really needs to learn to self-sooth or she’ll never sleep.
If you don’t put her down she’ll never learn to walk!
I think we’ve all heard it, the warnings we’ll spoil our babies if we hold them too much.
It’s so well established even strangers in the street will stop to comment on how spoiled the baby will be if we always carry her.
With so many believing it, it must be true, right?
As a parent, you have a huge influence over how your child develops. The way you interact with and discipline your children plays a massive role in shaping them into who they become. If you want to raise a good and productive adult, you need to start early and stay strategic.
You will see that the study covers some key things you can do to foster your child’s potential and set them up for success down the road. From promoting healthy habits to encouraging curiosity, according to research, no, you can’t spoil your baby by encouraging them, picking them up, cuddling, or meeting their needs as soon as they cry. In fact, not only will you not spoil them, research has found many benefits to picking up your child whenever they cry.
Core Values to Raise a Productive Adult
As a parent, you are the primary role model for your child. The core values you and your family live by will shape their understanding of what’s important in life. So by leading by example, you’ll demonstrate integrity, responsibility, and a strong work ethic in your daily actions. When they see you following through on commitments, they’ll learn the value of perseverance.
While professional ambition is admirable, an obsessive work ethic at the expense of all else can lead to burnout, isolation and neglect. Model a healthy work-life balance for your children, so they understand that making time for loved ones, relaxation, and personal interests is as important as focusing on your professional ambitions.
Fostering Independence and Responsibility
While it’s natural to want to protect your child, the best ways to foster independence and responsibility is by giving your child ownership over certain tasks or areas of their life. Assign them some age-appropriate chores around the house and let them take charge. Whether it’s making their bed, cleaning their room or feeding the family pet, having ownership instils a sense of pride and accountability.
Be clear about your expectations and consequences from an early age. If children don’t complete their responsibilities, implement logical consequences calmly and consistently. This teaches them that their actions have real impacts. At the same time, celebrate their successes to reinforce positive behaviors.
Supporting Their Interests and Passions
Encourage your child to try new activities and hobbies. Don’t limit their options, the key is to let them explore freely without judgement. Interests often come with challenges and failures. But persevering through the tough times builds resilience. Remind your child that struggles are normal and temporary setbacks are opportunities to grow stronger. With your guidance, they’ll develop the grit to overcome obstacles.
Resist the urge to constantly swoop in and solve their problems, instead guide them to find their own solutions when appropriate. Making mistakes is how we learn personal responsibility. Just ensure any mistakes made aren’t dangerous or unethical.
Can Picking Up Your Baby Make Them A Productive Adult?
There are many variables when it comes to how our children will act as adults. Researcher Dr. Narvaez of Notre Dame looked at over 600 adults to find out how early childhood interactions impacted them as adults. She found adults who had a lot of early interaction and affection tended to fair better in adulthood.
Narvaez said, “What parents do in those early months and years are really affecting the way the brain is going to grow the rest of their lives, so lots of holding, touching and rocking, that is what babies expect. They grow better that way. And keep them calm, because all sorts of systems are establishing the way they are going to work. If you let them cry a lot, those systems are going to be easily triggered into stress. We can see that in adulthood, that people that are not cared for well, tend to be more stress reactive and they have a hard time self-calming.”
Answering your baby’s cries isn’t a guarantee they’ll be at the top of their class, but research shows it benefits their brain and other developing systems. Being able to handle daily stress can be an important part of reaching your potential.
By supporting your child’s genuine interest and passion from a young age, you’re setting your child up for a lifetime of curiosity and fulfilment.
Why Is Picking Up And Cuddling Your Baby Important?
Dr. Narvaez found that compared to children who were left to cry, children who were cuddled grew up to be:
- Healthier overall
- Less depressed
- More empathetic
- Overall more productive.
You can learn more about her research in this video:
Is It Dangerous To Let Your Baby Cry?
Chances are you, or someone you know, was left to cry it out to learn how to self-soothe. Perhaps you’ve practiced crying it out with your child to teach independence.
Many of our parents or grandparents were still affected by the cultural impact Dr. Watson had on parenting in the United States in the 1920’s.
Watson was well known for saying, “Let your behavior always be objective and kindly firm. Never hug and kiss them, never let them sit in your lap. If you must, kiss them once on the forehead when they say goodnight. Shake hands with them in the morning. Give them a pat on the head if they have made an extraordinarily good job of a difficult task.”
He believed limiting affection would encourage independence and prevent children from turning into adults needing to be “coddled”. And while not every parent aligned with this philosophy, it did have an impact on our “don’t spoil the baby” beliefs.
Similarly, the cry it out (CIO) method became known in 1913 and continues to be encouraged by some professionals despite a lack of evidence of its effectiveness or safety.
Perhaps you’re thinking you were left to CIO and you’re fine, or that your baby was left to CIO and they’re fine. However, research still shows there are risks related to CIO. And with the recent research from Dr. Narvaez, not answering a baby could mean missing out on very important benefits, such as being able to handle stress.
What About Controlled Crying, Is That Safe?
Many parents have been led to believe that controlled crying isn’t harsh like CIO and is a safe alternative which teaches independent sleep.
Dr. Narvaez’s research, and other research doesn’t support controlled crying as being without risk, nor does it show it’s necessary to teach independent sleep in this way.
One psychologist, Tracy Cassels, PhD said, “They honestly believe these methods are ‘different’ and ‘better’, and will not cause as much distress to their children. The problem is that the evidence we have would suggest they are wrong. Modified versions of ‘cry it out’ may sound nicer, but in reality, they are the exact same principles at work, only possibly more frustrating for the infant or child.”
Be sure to read Cry It Out – 6 Educated Professionals Who Advise Against It to learn more about CIO and controlled crying.
