Thank you all soo much for taking the time to reply and reading my long post, this is an issue that is really doing my head in and i know its not anyones descion but mine, but your feedback and opnions are so valuable too me and give me alot to think about. Christy your post was fine thanks i do agree and someone said a VB could be very healing for me, which i think it was for you, and i must admit is one of the reasons id love a VB. I think because of having IVF etc. i feel everything has been so medically derived and i have had no input IYKWIM another reason why i want a VB, but i am really scared! I still have so much thinking to do but i sincerely thank you all for your posts, BB and all its wonderful members have held me up through some difficult times, i feel so lucky to have found it! Again thank you all