didn't want to have to write in here...

[~Trish~]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss SaraJane .

Let yourself feel what you want, there are no right or wrong feelings. I had a m/c in Jan of last year and I honestly just felt relieved it was over (I didn't know I was pg until I started to miscarry). We all deal with our losses in our own way.

You are in my thoughts and prayers

[Heaven]

Thankyou for all your support and advice everyone it means so much to me and makes me feel less alone and gives me hope.
I took all of your advice and had the BT this afternoon. Although I didn't want to I didn't want the Dr hassling me about it or anything and I guess like you have said it will be like more closure that it is definately over and my body is doing what it's meant to. Plus the Dr wouldn't cancel the hospital or anything until she got the results and knew it was 100%.
As you mentioned Hoobly, I'm worried about the Dr wanting me to have a D&C. I don't want one, I'd rather it happened naturally. I hate hospitals and operations and anything like that and I feel like it would be much more traumatic for me if I had to have any of that. So I'm just everything goes ok and it takes care of itself. I won't let the Dr push me into it, or scare me into it! Which I was worried about coz when I was there yesterday she was already telling me about it and what would happen if I needed it. So I'm ready for that. lol, now that I'm all ready she probably won't even mention it.

So that's it, only 1 more needle hopefully, I hate them! And then an u/s when the bleeding stops the GP said. I think I'll go to a different place though, that place was bad. I was waiting for a while, busting to go to the loo coz of all the water I had to drink so I asked how much longer it would be and the receptionist said 1/2 hour and that I could go to the toilet and then drink more water. SO then the u/s guy comes out 2 mins later and DH had gone to get food so I had to go in by myself and started getting all teary coz DH wasn't there but they didn't care and wouldn't let someone else go first. Then the guy wasn't even nice, didn't even really talk to me and was annoyed coz he couldn't see anything coz my bladder was empty so I had to go back out and wait again to try after I'd had more water!! Then they couldn't even tell me how long it would be just said probably over an hour. Brilliant. Not a good day at all.

DH had the day off work today which was good. Better not to be alone but he has to go back tomorrow I'm just scared about what will happen now, I don't know when the bleeding will start or how bad it will be or if it will hurt a lot I hate all this waiting.

Whoa, ok, another long post.
Thankyou everyone for your kind words and support

[Lovenhope]

I'm so sorry for your loss SaraJane and that they messed you around so much today. How uncompassionate of the ultrasound place. Definately go somewhere else if you can.

[paradise lost]

Oh SJ

I'm so sad for you. Do you have a female friend or rello who can be with you tomorrow? It's not a time to be alone, someone you trust who can be with you can be such a comfort.

Both of my miscarriages were natural. Yes, they hurt, i won't lie. But though they were more painful than period pain, they were along the same lines. With #1 i had strong period pain with one long (5minute) sort of tearing cramp. I bled for a long time after but it was very light, like lochia is, more brownish spotting than blood. With #2 it was very heavy period pain with wave like pains in my back. That was actually worse than labour for me, though i think the pain was worsened by the sadness i was feeling too, if you know what i mean. There was only a small build up to it and then horrible back spasms for about 4 hours, a warm bath made me bleed faster but really helped with the pain.

For ME i felt with each loss it was the only "birth" this baby could have through me, and though i didn't enjoy the pain, i did sort of welcome that last opportunity to be "mother" to them. They had to leave me early but we all (each baby and i) saw it through the best we could. I'm just like you, i hate the medical procedures and visits too.

I guess i'm trying to say, don't worry about the pain you might feel. Though it might be stronger than period pain it will probably feel in many ways similar - it won't be an unfamiliar pain. This is the coming of your baby, the situation is not what you'd hoped but it is what you have and it wouldn't be happening if you couldn't cope with it. I think the hardest thing i found was other peoples tendency to gloss it all - "like period pain" seemed to mean they could act like i just had my period and pretend i wasn't delivering my little lost angel. I think for me by accepting the fact that i WAS INDEED having, in the true sense, my baby, i was able to dig deep and find more fortitude than i thought i had.

Take a warm bath, take painkillers, have a glass of wine if you like. You can do this and you will be ok.

Bx