(Mods, please feel free to move this as I rather suspect it's in the wrong place.)

I thought I had this sorted - I told my mother and my mother-in-law that we would not be seeing visitors for one week post birth unless WE invited them. Yes, we know they want to see the baby, but we'll invite them if we are doing OK. (I have no desire to be seen with bad hair, no make-up and struggling with what to do with a newborn - I know all women go through this, but I don't appreciate people trying to take over or me being less than perfect: having people see me like this will really, really upset me.) I even put this on the website and made sure both Mum and MiL looked at this.

MiL has told me that she'll be popping for a few minutes round regardless (although not on the day), I said fine, but we may be napping and unable to see them. She said no more (and I hope she took the hint!). We had that discussion in the summer, around August. I may want to see them, I may not - that's my choice at the time.

My mother has been fighting this every step. She and my sister want to see me in hospital - they're going to come down ASAP to see me (including in labour... no way is my mum seeing me like that!). Ideally I'd tell them when I go into labour, but I've said no to that now! We were going to tell them when Liebling was born, but yesterday she told me that they're turning up. I've already said they can visit on Feb the 5th, as my Dad goes back overseas on the 6th, and we'll just hope the baby is here - I would hate to have the baby Feb the 6th/7th, or worse the 4th so they wouldn't see me (I didn't want to do that, but they've already organised the visit before telling me). No chance of that, said my mother, they're going to visit be it late Jan, the 3rd of Feb, the 8th... as soon as the baby is out. No, I told her, I don't want visitors and will tell her to sod off. "You don't know that." I think I do know my own mind. I would tell her as soon as I changed my mind, but I'm not having it changed for me. They're visiting around the 21st anyway for my birthday.

I was actually considering having Mum and MiL being OK for a visit 3 days post-birth (along with the grandfathers and uncle and aunts) but not now.

I know I'm being mean keeping a loving family away from my baby, but I just can't cope with them. My mother will just tell me what to do and try to do everything for me - I know, it's nice, but not the way she does it. Like she's doing me a big favour and she'll keep on and on about it and tell me what to do with my baby - and keep doing everything I don't want, like trying to introduce a bottle or picking up a sleeping baby (she's already told me she would do this, as well as use disposable nappies because I will find them easier... what does she know? She knows nothing about me because she never listens to anything she doesn't like).

Just so you know, I feel so useless, worthless and insignificant around this woman I can't even consider seeing her without at least attempting to look perfect - anything less than perfection has me a quivering wreck. I know I'm going to stay a few days with her at Christmas - I get up half an hour before everyone else just so they don't see me before I look nice. She'll still ask me if I'm going out looking like "that" - actually, I spent an hour making myself look like this, so I was rather planning to. I can't cope with her and a newborn. I know it sounds mean, but I just can't. I'll snap! And she'll hold it against me for years and constantly tell everyone how awful I am.

How can I stop her visiting? I have tried everything I can think of, even being rude ("Well, I don't want you visiting and you're not welcome.").

Thanks for any advice - I'll take it straight away! I don't have long left before we're hiding in the house with the curtains drawn and refusing to answer the door (I've already had nightmares about this). I know I may well change my mind when the baby is here, so don't tell me I will - I want her to just respect my decision, and then I will change my mind no problem. I just aren't ready to change it yet.