Ryn- i hear you loud and clear babe...
its sounds like this is stressing you out heaps and i really feel for you. Apart from my dad i dont want to tell anyone when i go into labour, i want to go... have my little bubba with my hubby and then come home... for reasons different to yours, but also kinda similiar, i am freaking at the thought of judging eyes and not being able to get into my groove in my/"our" own time and space.
Does DH know how strongly you feel about this? He must know and be your protector at this time. Can he be the bouncer at your front door and send people away unless you are ready? And at the hosptial if you tell them no visitors im sure they will do whats best for mum and bub.
Stick to your guns, like you said you know your self better than anyone and you know what will happen if your wishes arent met. I worry that i will not be heard and that it will lead to PND, hubby knows me and he knows i hate to feel crowded so this has been a constant topic of discussion, in fact the more we discuss it the safer i feel knowing he's there to stand in and stick up for me.
I hope you can work this out. Having a bub is your time and shouldnt stress you when you're just meeting them for the first time... I know i havent said much to help, just wanted to let you know i totally understand and am sending you big hugs.