I hear where you are coming from, Ryn.

I'm not keen on people overwhelming me straight after the birth - and in particular, once we are home. I feel we need some time as a family to try to get the hang of the baby stuff as a threesome before people come and visit me at home. Since all our relatives live in other towns/cities/states, if they come they will probably expect to stay with us - which is the last thing I want. I figure that they could come and visit in hospital (and the staff are great at putting your visiting wishes into action) and then leave us alone for 2 weeks or so. Then they could come to our town, but would have to stay somewhere else other than our house - like the holiday house right next door. That way our space isn't invaded, and I can invite them over when I'm feeling up to it - and if it's only 10 minutes, they won't be fazed as they can just pop back next door. Also that means - no cooking meals for people, no fussy over how clean the house is etc etc.

Another thought - perhaps you could arrange to meet them out of the house, like a coffee shop? That way when you are ready to go, you can just leave. And its a public place, so surely they can't be mean to you there.

As for your appearance - well, I think if people judge you solely on whether your hair and makeup is done, perhaps they aren't worthy of knowing the real you underneath - and so their opinions about anything don't matter! I've already got unwelcome advice and questioning from people who seem to be offended if I don't have a ready answer or don't agree with their perspective, even if they are family.

Perhaps you could find a compromise along with your husband? After all, it's not just you involved in this......