TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ February 08 #2

[tina_k]

DH wants me to wait till 1 week after AF is due before i POAS. i think im oigng too burst between now and then. Im negotiating for 3 days! His theory is if we test to early we may get a false neg and be disappointed prematurely. i guess it makes sense, because this is my first cycle after DNC so i dont know how long my cycle will be....still killing me though!

[berecca623]

Hi Ladies, not much to report here but thought I would give some advice / my opinion.

Nickster - if I were you I would go to another doctor. IT seems to me that this one is not tuning in to your needs and fears, and we all know we would be the same. I have a wonderful doctor who has told me next time I am pg she is going to test mt hcg levels regularly just so we can keep an eye on them. Perhaps it is because she has suffered 3 m/c herself that she understands, but I think your doc is REALLY REALLY insensitive and if I were you I would be VERY

As for me, we have started TTC as it is now cycle day 14. So far all tests show no O but last time the OPK said I o'd at CD16 so a couple of days to go yet. Having lots of fun now DH is on board

[STARRYSKY]

hey nickster, I so totally agree with berecca, if you feel like you need to have the extra attention and monitoring, you should get it, (I know I need it! and Im still stressing!) is it easy enough to find another GP there? I hope so, you deserve better than that.
jodson

Tina-k have you had af since D&c? I only ask as I have read that it can take awhile.....for me 5 wks till af showed.

angelbabies and all you lovely ladies, wishing you all the best of luck this cycle, I want you all to come and join me soon!

I had my 2nd bt yesterday, Hcg came back at 4264, so more than doubled, but I am still freaking out, I want some morning sickness so that this feels a bit more real! (I hope i regret that statement...soon...!)

fingers crossed for all, hope you dont mind me dropping back in occasionally, let me know if it is uncomfortable............I will understand.....
xxxx

[AJC]

Starrysky - am just speaking for myself here but you are welcome anytime. I often actually stalk the PAML thread just to reassure myself that there is hope.

Nickster - I think your doctor should be a little more understanding and at least send you for bt (progress to check hcg) and reassurance ultrasound at 6wks.

Tina - I think a week after af due is a bit too long to wait (sorry's Tina's DH!) 3 days is a fair compromise (at the most). Good luck, fingers crossed for you.

ll80 - glad time out has been positive for you. DH and I had time out before our latest ttc attempt and I think we're both better for it. We're both much more relaxed and positive this time.

berecca: am glad it isn't just me who considered taking a month off to avoid a Santa baby. DH thought it was a good idea though because then at least he will get Christmas off for once. It's awful when bd gets a little bland but what our DH's don't seem to understand is that we don't choose when our bodies are fertile - if only?!?!? Am glad you feel better for talking to each other about things.

Am still not sure what my body is doing - am thinking that the elevated temps today and yesterday are just because I'm not feeling that well - hayfever . I guess we'll be able to tell over the next couple of days. Still going to try to keep up the bd over next few days just incase the egg hasn't flown.

A big hello and Hugs to everyone else.

[Jodsan]

Tina, you should be able to test the day you are due and be in with a reasonably good chance of success. Boys just dont get it, they dont have the same instincts and hormones. It's easy for him to be objective about it but you are living with it. Not going to tell you what you should do but my DH would be told its my body and I will test and he has to just be supportive now matter how neurotic I am!

Nickster - I would go to another doctor. This is a very exciting time and it would be good to not have to spend it worrying. You need the peace of mind of knowing HCG is going up.

Af arrived for me, which confirmed what I already knew. Back to day one, this is going to be a very exciting cycle, I just know it!

[Baby Angels]

Firstly Nickster.......... There is absolutely one person who needs to be comfortable with how everything is going and that is you. You look in the mirror or you look at your tummy and YOU decide what YOU are comfortable with. This is your Pregnancy... your baby and YOU have to be comfortable. Dont let ANYONE dictate or control how you feel during your pregnancy and guess what.... I ll be here for you the whole way through regardless of what s going on through your journey or mine.

Starrysky..... I m speaking for myself here. I have absolutely no problem with you hanging around. I confess to sneaking over to your "new" thread just to check how you are going... some people could call that stalking.....LOL I was thrilled to see your HCG levels increase that much. I will confess.... reluctantly.... that it did bring back thoughts of my angels because the lack of increase in HCG was my key point. But having said that in a strange way that was good for me. Sometimes I get distressed that I have actually coped with my loss as well as I have.... Sometimes I wonder if I have coped too well. Watching a HCG level jump like that when I went for test after test praying that mine would go up further, it hit me and yes it brought a tear or two.... BUT I was greatful for the tears and I was THRILLED for you!

So I am hanging by you and Nickster the whole way through.... at times it might be difficult for you or for me but thats what we do...... we are here for each other! You have no idea how THRILLED I am for you both

Now as for DH s ... DP s .... and DF s ..... They can frustrate the absolute life out of us sometimes.... I know (and you all know) that mine drives me insane at times.... BUT.... Whilst their loss of their angels is different than ours it is still a loss. We may not understand their loss and what they feel and they may not understand ours.... but the absolute bottom line is these are the men we chose to be with. These are the men that we love...... The men who are the fathers of our angels and hopefully soon, the fathers of our children. Maybe ll80 you have the idea.... to have a bit of time to think about what they actually mean to us. I look at my DH sometimes and I wish to a degree that I could turn the clock back... back to when we smiled, laughed more.... and sex was sex not BD but that s not something I can do... nor would I because I treasure the 10 weeks I had with my angels........ but I can try to regain the closeness that we did have. I can try and focus on what is wonderful about him and not focus on what frustrates me.

Goodness I feel like Im preaching to a degree tonight.... my appologies.

StarrySky and Nickster..... HUGE HUGS and everyone else..... GROUP HUG

[pbstar]

morning girls

just a quick question- i am 4DPO and i have had a temp drop this morning, i figure this is too early for an implantation dip so do you ladies think this means i am definitely not pregnant this month?

starrysky- me too, you are so welcome and i really enjoy hearing how you are going, gives me hope...and i too have to admit i drop in on the PAML thread to get some reassurance

angel babies- am def going to take your advice on board about DH and TRY to be a bit more understanding of him too.... it's so true what you say and makes me realise that his downsides are all part of what i love about him and wouldn't life be boring if we were all perfect

nickster- agree with the girls on the doctor issue, it's worth finding someone understanding and am sure it would make a huge difference to your emotional state

jodsan- sorry to hear about AF, GL for this month

hugs to everyone else and some for all

[Katiegirl]

Morning everyone.

Jodsan sorry to hear about AF. Though taking a positive look, at least you know that your cycle is returning which will make charting easier. That is what I try to tell myself when AF rears her ugly head.

Tina - can you please send your email again - I can't find where you posted it. Sorry I haven't gotten back to you. Still happy to catch up if you would like. I live in the inner city and work out in the East - so both easy distances from you.

To all the discussions about partners. I think it is very common for them to get sensitive about having BD 'dictated'. I have had to work very hard at keeping it relaxed so that the whole process does not feel like a chore.

Well I am now 17DPO - expected AF on Sat. I must be very patient because I am still certain AF is on the way and will not test until Wed - if AF is not here by Wed than I think I have reason to test.

Nickster - I also agree that you need a dr who will understand your anxieties. I have changed Obs for that very reason. I liked my old Ob but I just decided that I wanted a fresh start and his relaxed manner would not suit me this time. Do whatever you need to in order to feel confident as your pregancy progresses.

Good luck to everyone else. I hope you all had lovely weekends.

[tina_k]

Katie girl, my email is tinabishay@hotmail.com
would love to meet with you and any other melbourne girls who want to join us!
apart from today, im free this week, so pop me an email and well organise something!

AF due today, so ive decided to test on Wed if it hasnt come..just not feeling anything like i did last time, and i can feel PMS pain coming on, so not looking good, but its not over till we see AF right!!!!

[Katiegirl]

Hi Tina

I will drop you an email. And yes I know how you feel - I have been having AF-type pangs for the last 4 or so days and still nothing! I just know it is coming but this delay just seems to cruel! I won't even allow myself to think I may be pregnant.

[tempus moriendi]

Haven't been on in a couple days, and around here, you miss two day, you miss a lot! But I had to work a couple nights ago, then last night went to dinner and a show with my BFF from college (ditched the DH's and DK's, neener-neener!)

But anyhow, I'm 12dpo, tomorrow I have a dentist appointment and am thinking about POAS because I'm a big chicken when it comes to dental pain and always have nitrous oxide, even during routing cleanings (a big no-no during pregnancy). Or I could just suck it up and go anesthesia-free, then test on Tuesday...

Hearing all you ladies talk about your charts is making me want to join Fertility Friend and do it too (talk about peer pressure,LOL!)

Jodsan: I'm so glad about your grandfather pulling through, but sending cyberhug about that nasty ol' bfn.
And it's actually my grandfather who's sick, but right now he's status quo.

plc1985: hope you enjoy your visit w/MIL

Angel Babies: you got a great sense of humor! LOL at your swimming sperm post

AJC: my guess is your temp went up a little from being sick. But you need three high temps in a row before you can consider yourself in the luteal phase (or phase three or premenstrual or whatever you method calls it.)

berecca623: IKWYM about obsessing--been there, done that. But it's good to get some balance in your life, too. and think about other things-- just for your own peace of mind and stuff. Fertility problems can take over your whole mind if you're not careful. Sending encouragement vibes
PS if there were a guy manual, guys wouldn't read it anyway...

nicksterUK: it seems most docs don't take the first mc very seriously. i think because it's usually a one time thing. and i'm praying yours was! but would you feel comfortable pushing your doc a little harder for tests if you're really worried?

ll80: sound like you have a great attitude towards TTC. Best of luck.

tina_k: your hubby sounds like me--I always used to test 20dpo. but my FS wants me to test 14dpo. good luck!

STARRYSKY: actually, I find you inspirational--you went through what we did and are having a happy outcome. drop in anytime IMHO.

pbstar: when your temp goes up it should be at least higher than your previous six days. Then you need to see if it stays up for at least three days. It should not go lower than any of those "pre-shift six" readings. hope that helps.

Katiegirl: good luck.

[pbstar]

Hi TM

Yes my temp went higher than the prev. 9 days and stayed there for 3 days, then today it dropped a little, only one of the prev 6 days temps was higher than today, the rest lower...any insights?

just need to have a little vent...

a friend at work just annouced her daughter's pregnancy- every day i listen to this friend complain about her daughter because she is so messed up on drugs etc and can't be bothered working and is baiscally just a no hoper...the boyfriend is no better, just got sacked from his job at a fast food store... the only reason this girl is keeping the baby is because she has had abortions before and doesn't think she should have another...

just gets to me how unfair life is, why someone like that is blessed with being able to have children so easily and doesn't care and has no way of giving them a decent life...

anyway could never says all this to anyone in real life so just needed to get it off my chest

xo

[Jodsan]

Oh pbstar, big hug It's not fair when people get pregnant who weren't even trying. But is does sound like this girl needs a wake up call with her life, a bubs will certainly do that and may help her turn her whole life around. Fingers crossed anyway, for the sake of the baby.

Your time will come, very soon. Chin up.

[plc1805]

Hey to all
pbstar - vent away hun!! I know I know it's not fair....I'm sorry - am a bit new to the temp thing so can't advise u on anything there yet!
tempus - DO IT! DO IT!! Join FF - go on - JOIN!! (just thought I'd join the peer pressure ) Truly I am a FF-aholic!
Jodsan - honey - sorry about AF!!
nickster - hun! you need to "86" (get rid of) that doc and get someone that will do right by you - a lovely bedside manner should not be under-rated!
Hey to Katiegirl, tina, angelbaby (bday buddy!!), AJC, starrysky, ll80, berecca and anyone else that I am sure to have missed!! Hugs and positive vibes to all!

[STARRYSKY]

Thankyou guys for being so wonderful! I still dont feel 100% about being in the paml threads just yet, I have been posting, cant even bring myself to say hello to the belly buddies group....I think thats just tempting fate.
have another docs appt on wed, so will let you all know whats going on after that.
on a happy note, I think my morning (night, allday!) sickness is finally kicking in and I have been feeling very unwell, and I couldnt be happier!!

I have really been trying not to think about it but my first bubs edd is coming up, on the 5th looks like another emotional doctors visit!
Good luck everyone, sprinkling some more around, hope it helps!
xxx

[Baby Angels]

Huge Hugs Hun......... What your dealing with is what we will all eventually deal with........ the "will it happen again" ..... we all understand and we are all here for you. I was discussing the possibility when I was in the 2ww with DH. I said to him..... I just wouldnt cope if it happened again, his response.... while blunt... was apt..... I wont put it how he did but basically.... the chance is always there and its a chance we take by TTC. I thought about it for a while and decided..... If you had asked me 6 months ago whether I would cope loosing a baby..... or for me two at once..... I would have said a huge NO WAY. But yet here I am 2 months later and I wake up every day and live my life every day. The absolute bottom line is that it is all ONE DAY AT A TIME. Enjoy and love every second you have with your baby. If it was me I would be chatting away to it continually, loving and living every precious moment. I know only to well that it could end tomorrow but I also know...... having a son who is 19 next month..... it can always just continue to which I just continue to love and live each precious moment.

Its all just ONE DAY AT A TIME hun. Dont allow your fear to take over those moments.... those days.:hugs:

I keep missing saying hello to everyone else because I keep thinking about what Starrysky and Nickster are dealing with....... SO.... HUGE HELLO to everyone....

[Canary]

Hi everyone,
I'm back from my weekend away and wow! You have all been chatting loads! It took me a while to catch up, but I got there eventually.
Angel B,

If once a week someone on the 2ww gets a BFP then I can cope with it not being me.

That was a very generous thing to say and thank you. We will all get there eventually, it is just a matter of time..
Starry Sky, I agree with everyone else who says that it is really nice to hear how you are doing (and Nickster too.) You were both here when I first arrived in this thread, and I feel as though we are all in this together. I'm glad that you didnt dissappear off to the PAML thread and forget about us. Good luk for the 5th, I'll be thinking of you.
Tina, a WHOLE week??? There is no way I could wait that long! Good luck for Weds.
Magda, Sorry to hear about the BFN, but as it was early there is still a good chance of a BFP- Fingers crossed
Katie, wishing you a happy BFP Wednesday, too.
Jodsan, sorry about AF.
Hi everyone else, I have missed so much it is taking a long time to catch up!

Well, my weekend away was just what I needed. I went to see my Mum and Dad, as it was mother's day over here. I had a really relaxing time and came back feeling chilled and far less stressed about the 2ww. As you will soon see, it was never far from my mind though! (***Warning, the next paragraph is a bit hectic and contains mostly what has been buzzing through by head all day today!***)

On Sat, my temp dropped by 0.3 degrees and I thought that AF must defo be on her way. BUT, it shot back up on sun, 0.5 degrees more than it was on Sat. Sooo... could this be an implantation dip????
Since O, my temps have all been above the red line on ff website, Is that a good sign, or just what you would expect in the luteal phase???
I am being demading with the questions today, sorry everyone, just a bit highly strung with POAS day approaching. Oh, and my nausea reached new heights this morning. Oh, and I got up to pee in the night......
.....OK, OK, I know I'm getting carried away now. Get back down to earth, Canary.

Thank you for 'listening' to that lot, guys, it really helps to share my thoughts! I think that we need some
So, Tina, Katie,Magda,Tempus and Me- Have I missed anyone else who will be POAS this week? Everyone else, happy BDing and good luck with the other 2ww's. March is the month of Spring (well, in UK it is anyway) and therefore the month of procreation, so we should expect lots and lots of BFPs!!!!!!!

[Katiegirl]

Hi everyone.

Starrysky - I think we all enjoy you coming by to say hello and keep us up to date. I understand entirely why it is hard to move into the PAML thread entirely. And I understand even more why you are reluctant to join a Belly buddy group. I don't think I will ever be ready for that! So please keep us updated. We will all be in the same situation at some point and need to support each other.

Canary - your excitement is so evident. I think you have a good chance this cycle - and yes it sounds like it could have been an implantation dip. Fingers crossed for you. Whilst it is Autumn here - I am going to stick with your Spring theory. It works for me!

Tina - are you still going to test tomorrow as well?

I woke up early this morning. I think it is because I am still waiting for AF. Still not sign and temp went up another point this morning. I have been so convinced that I am not preg that it just didn't cross my mind to test. I am going to buy one today and test tomorrow. Today is CD32 - Nervous!!!

TM - good luck today with the test - can't wait to hear.

To everyone else going to test - good luck. I hope everyone is doing well. I can not begin to explain who much BB has helped me cope over the last 3 months. It is wonderful to have a place where I can talk and everyone understands exactly what I am saying. So a big thankyou for helping me through some rough days. Nathaniel's due date is coming up in April - so I am hoping I will be in an okay state in the lead up.