Chez - thankyou I like your sneaky plan. Pap smear can wait! It's funny about smear timing. I was due for mine this year, but when I was feeling up to it, and wasn't TCC , in one of my m/c appointments with the ob I demanded a smear. Seems it worked out for the best. No way I would consent to one now. Hopefully it works out for you with a BFP.

AFM - well today was my darling Amelia's first anniversary. 23 Feb 2009; 14:28; 455grams; 27 cms; 21 weeks on the cusp of 22 weeks gest, our brown haired girl. I can't and don't think of it as her birthday. That just doesn't work for me.

Today, wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. I was more affected leading up to today than on today. DH took the day off work and I am not working( one week of no work for me as of today!), so we slept in and snuggled ( no BD for me, way too scared) and then went for brunch and then a walk in the park and along the river. In the arvo we snuggled again, looked through our photos, shared some precious memories and listened to the songs we had played for the funeral service. In the end as sad as I am, the most significant memory for me today is just how much our precious girl was loved and how much she gave to us in those fleeting joyous but heartbreaking moments. I am so blessed to have been given such a precious gift. So today? DH and I honoured our baby girl by living, and remembering her. I had day reams of doing something more symbolic, but in the end, for me, it felt contrived and we did what felt right for us. Weird sometimes how the right thing just sneaks up on you.

Thankyou so much for all the love and support you've each given me. Thanks for reading about my day, it was important for me to share. It's weird, no one else ( family or friends) seems to have remembered, or if they did, they didn't say anything. It means a lot to me that you have each remembered and your words and support have really helped me through, every day, not just today. Take care.
_