Tei, thanks for doing your research and being prepared for different situations. the hospital i went to to give birth to my son, who had died a few days before at 39 weeks, had nurses who made all the difference to me and my dh. they also had a couple who were clueless. the supportive nurses made sure to sit and talk to me and explain what would happen, and why it was best to go through the birth process even though Yeti had died. they offered support, and didn't try to sweep me under the rug to focus on their patients who were giving birth to live babies. best of all, they allowed me and dh to keep Yeti in the room with us when he was born and made sure to make stamps of his hands and feet and even snipped a lock of his hair. they had a special book they put it in. they let me dress him, and gave me his first blanket as a keepsake. these things may seem morbid, but they are all i have of my son, and are more precious to me than i can possibly explain. they also took photos of Yeti, which are painful to look at but yet precious as well. without the guidance of these women, i would not have any of these remembrances of our son; perhaps i would not have even held him, which i now look back on as one of the most important times with our son.

in addition, our ob was so gentle and explained that there was nothing we could have done to prevent Yeti's cord accident. she explained that all parents have guilt when they cannot protect their child, and that we would be no exception. i clung to those words as the months drug on after Yeti died.

the clueless nurses said things like the others have mentioned above -- "you can have another" or "at least you know you are fertile" or "god needed an angel" or "god only gives us what we can handle". these things hurt so much - i didn't want another child, i wanted my son. i still do, and no one will replace him. and i can't believe that god is so selfish as to take a baby because heaven needs more angels, or that god wanted to test me by killing my child (or worse yet, if i were weaker, my son would still be alive). i just don't think saying things like that helps. i guess it also made me crazy when my mom said "you are so strong" halfway through the labor. i screamed that i wasn't, that i had no choice. and i didn't. i wanted to die with my son, but that wasn't what happened. we have to live through things that more painful than we think we can take, but we do.

thank you for taking the time to become the best birth professional you can be. i am sure that you will be supportive to all of your patients, because you have already taken the steps to care about all of them -- no matter the situation. good luck.