I think today is going to be a rollercoaster. DHs mum stayed with us last night and it was good to have a distraction. She has lost 4 babies - 2 MCs and 2 SIDS, so she truly understands the grief of a lost baby. DH has just gone to do a grocery shop with her and I realised it is the first time I have been alone since we found out on Monday about Nathaniel. I have been calm this morning but started feeling myself getting quiet and wanting to just be silent. I wanted to be alone. And now since being alone I have started to cry on and off. I so badly want to be feeling like I am coping, but I have to accept that this is going to be a long road to recovery.

Mum arrives this afternoon, and whilst seeing her will be very emotional it will give me another person to talk to about my feelings. My sister has also been wonderful, she has suffered 2 late MCs and her words of wisdom have been beacons of light for me.