There’s no denying it – once you have a baby in the house, so many changes take place. Especially when it comes to your relationship, the dynamic of the relationship changes will occur without you even being aware of it.

It will be different, many will say better, and hopefully you wont feel that it’s worse!

But just for fun (and maybe with a little bit of seriousness thrown in!), here are 30 tongue-in-cheek ways your relationship may change after having a baby.

How many can you relate to?

Please note that this has been written just for fun and giggles! 🙂

How Your Relationship Changes After Having A Baby

It may sound sad, but your partner won’t be your number one anymore… but he’ll be a very strong number two! Just for now, anyway.
You spend hours looking forward to seeing your partner walk in the door at the end of the day… so you can have five minutes to yourself. Then you’ll be up for some lovin’.
You seriously consider divorce each time your partner jokes about ‘babysitting’ while looking after his own baby.
While your hormones return to normal (and don’t worry, they will), you will be ultra-sensitive to every comment your partner makes. You may feel he is criticising you a hundred times a day whilst implying you are an unfit mother, but he probably isn’t.
You will at times feel like your partner is doing everything wrong. And you’ll probably be sure to tell him.
You’ll deliberately down a glass of water, just so you can wake up your sleeping partner during night feeds and ask that he gets you a drink. Why should he get all the sleep?
You will never understand why he doesn’t leap upstairs to check for kidnappers each time there is a noise over the baby monitor. You never know what could be happening!
He will think that you are at least a little bit over the top about this parenting thing. How would a kidnapper even get into the nursery?
You will resent most football games, after work drinks and social occasions he attends, because it takes you weeks to achieve a similar excursion, and even then it is usually hampered by a clingy baby not wanting you to leave. But this can happen if things become unfair. What’s not fair when you have a new baby? Read our article here.
You will find it much, much harder to feign sympathy for your partner when he returns home from a stressful day at the office. After all, it’s not as if anyone was sick in his mouth.
The days when your baby poops just as your partner comes in from work it will feel like you’ve won the lottery.
Questions like, “Have you had a nice day?” can very easily lead to world war three (and four…).
World war five will probably be started over a comment about the number of wine bottles in the recycling bin.
It will take every ounce of control not to ask if he can ‘tell’ you’ve had a baby when you are having sex for the first time postpartum. But seriously, don’t stress, check out our article on sex after baby, here.
You will be jealous of him for not having to deal with any body changes during pregnancy. As you lie self-consciously next to him, in underwear that covers every possible lump, bump and stretch mark, you will envy him for having the same body he had two years ago.
You will start keeping track of who has done how many nappy changes. And saving the information for your next argument.
You will both feel like you are doing absolutely everything around the house.
At some point, whether you like it or not, sleep deprivation will see you reach out to wipe your partner’s nose, confusing him for your ever-snotty baby.
When asked how many times a week you have sex these days, you will answer, “What, every week?!”
When you do manage to have sex, you won’t be bedding down to hours of foreplay and lovemaking like you did on your honeymoon. It will be quick, quiet and probably end abruptly at the sound of screaming over the baby monitor.
At least a small part of you will hate that your partner has no boobs. Especially at 3am.
Most of your arguments now revolve around deciding who is the most tired.
You bed is no longer a place of romance. Or sleep, for that matter.
You will, on some days, envy your partner heading off for work, while you spend your maternity leave wiping vomit, snotand sick off your breasts.
You will realise you don’t actually see eye to eye on everything. Especially where your little one is concerned, and this will cause all manner of problems.
Much as you want to, most of the time you will be too tired to put in the effort for your relationship (but this should only be temporary! Please seek counselling if it becomes an ongoing or serious problem). Our 10 relationship rituals article is a great place to start.
Compliments will come more easily, these days you just have to be wearing a top without sick on to be told you look nice. Wash your hair and you’ll probably leave him speechless.
Your couple time at the end of the day will be more precious than ever, but you’ll probably spend it with at least one of you passed out on the sofa.
You will be most attracted to your partner when he is knee-deep in the over-flowing nappy of a teething, clingy baby, while you look on from a nice, warm, child-free bath. But best of all…
Your heart will ache when you see him wearing your baby. Especially when he’s on his way back from the wine shop.