The New Mama Code: What All New Mamas Should Live By

The New Mama Code: What All New Mamas Should Live By

I, [INSERT NAME HERE], new mama of beautiful tiny baby, hereby swear that I shall live by the code of conduct dictated by the New Mama Code.

I shall dedicate my life to not only caring for the aforementioned beautiful tiny baby but also to supporting and nurturing other new mamas.

I recognise that the role of new mama is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and that the only way to make it through with my sanity intact is to lean on and be leaned on by the wonderful mamas around me.

From this day forward, I will acknowledge and be mindful of the fact that the vulnerability I feel in my new mama heart is also being experienced by all of the new mamas around me.

I shall remember that we are all in the same boat, and that we are all equally terrified of it sinking. I promise to make the world a kinder place for new mamas, myself included, at every opportunity.

I swear that, despite my crippling sleep debt, I will look out for other mamas and try to offer them the compassion, kindness and help that I myself could benefit from. I pledge to see other mamas as my allies, my comrades and my equals rather than as my competitors.

I hereby promise to live by the following code of conduct, to ensure a better world for mamas everywhere:

#1: I Shall Not Judge Other Mamas

As mamas, we judge ourselves too harshly. I know that each and every decision I make for my child is over analysed thanks to the wealth of information out there. I know that each night I lie awake with thoughts of self-doubt filling my over-tired mind. I know that other mamas do this too, and that they shouldn’t.

All mamas are wonderful, and so am I. I shall not judge any mama for her parenting decisions.

I hereby promise to live by the philosophy ‘your baby, your choice’.

#2: I Shall Not Be Judged

Just as I shall not judge other mamas, I shall not assume other mamas are judging me. I know they are just as tired, busy and baby-brained as I am, and that they probably do not have the energy or inclination to give a crap about what parenting decisions I make.

When I whip out a breast or a bottle in public, I hereby promise not to care what you think or apologise for how I choose to feed me baby. I swear I shall give other mamas the benefit of the doubt and not assume they are all judgmental mothers out to get me.

#3: I Shall Not Compete

I hereby promise that I shall not force our babies to spend their lives competing with each other. I know that every mama believes their baby is the best, most amazing human to have ever graced the planet. I shall not compare baby milestones, development or first words.

#4: I Shall Not Sweat The Small Stuff

There are many seemingly inconsequential decisions that keep me awake at night. Am I creating a rod for my own baby? Does my baby love me? Should I be staring at my baby’s face instead of checking twitter during feeds? I hereby pledge that I will no longer worry myself sick with these tiny details. I will focus on the bigger picture.

My baby is loved, my baby is happy, my baby is healthy. What else really matters?

#5: I Shall Support Other Mamas

From this day on, I promise to support each and every other mama I encounter. It doesn’t matter whether we subscribe to the same parenting philosophy, or whether our houses are the same level of clean (ie, not at all clean), what matters is that we are mothers. Motherhood is the new sisterhood, and I promise to do all that I can to be an active member of the community.

I promise to comment on your awesome parenting skills, compliment your adorable baby and make sure that you know I am here for you.

#6: I Shall Make Life Easier For Other Mamas

It is all too easy to get wrapped up in your own dilemmas when you are a new mama, but life would be easier for everyone if we all supported and cared for each other. I swear that I will do my best to make life easier for other mamas.

I will watch your babies so you can pee in peace, I will take your baby to the park so you can enjoy a blissful haircut, I will lend you nappies when you have forgotten yours. In every situation, I will imagine what would make my life easier, and I will ensure you have that opportunity.

Quite simply, from now on, I have your back, fellow mama.

#7: I Shall Be Truthful

I promise to be truthful about what motherhood throws at me. I will not feed you a rose-tinted account of my world, I will let you see it all, dirty laundry and all. I won’t share untruthful accounts of my baby sleeping through the night, my loving partner doing more than his fair share of the childcare and my amazing postpartum sex life.

I will let you know my secrets too. The baby poo on the carpet, the bump on my baby’s head from where she fell off the bed when I turned my back, and the fact that sometimes I cry because motherhood is lonely. I will tell you the truth, and hope that you will do the same. Our shared experience makes us stronger.

Let us not be alone, let us instead embrace the togetherness that comes from the occasional mess up.

#8: I Shall Take Pictures Of You & Your Baby

I know that nobody else does. I know that most of the photos are the two of you are selfies you take together on the sofa. I also know that your phone is filled with photos of your partner and baby, but that photos with you in are hard to come by.

As part of the New Mama Code, I promise that I shall take those photographs for you. I will capture you being a fantastic mama to your amazing baby.

And, maybe, one day, you will return the favour.

#9: I Shall Keep Your Secrets

I hereby promise to treat everything other mamas tell me as top secret information. I know that the difficulties and triumphs of motherhood are not idle gossip. I know that the motherhood is based on trust, and I hereby promise to uphold that trust at all costs.

From this day forwards, mama is the word. Will you join me?

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Fiona Peacock is a writer, researcher and lover of all things to do with pregnancy, birth and motherhood (apart from the lack of sleep). She is a home birth advocate, passionate about gentle parenting and is also really tired.


  1. wow I can’t believe I am the 1st to comment!well written Fiona!! as a new mummy myself this was just exactly what I needed to read at this moment in time! god bless your cotton socks and synchronicity at its best, I really hope it reaches lots of.other mummy’s I certainly will be sharing it, Thank you xx

  2. Wow, this is so lovely and I like to think as a mum of a 14 month old I still abide by this code!!! This is beautifully written and you’re right we need to be there for each other!! I have to say I have and great group of mummy friends, I’m very lucky!! Xxxx

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