Post Weaning Depression – 7 Tips To Help Ease Sadness

Post Weaning Depression - 7 Tips To Help Ease Sadness

There has been a great deal of attention on postnatal depression (also known as postpartum depression) in the last few years, and quite rightly so.

Women are finally being recognised for the immense job they are doing, birthing and raising small children.

It really can be draining and difficult at times, in between all the rewarding moments and joy.

Postnatal depression can be especially draining, and it makes the job of looking after a young baby many times more difficult than it needs to be.

In the past, postnatal depression was not really understood, and was often pushed to the back burner by the woman. This was because she didn’t know where to go to get help, and her family didn’t understand it. Thankfully today, most women who suffer from postnatal depression are informed as to where they can go to get help, and it’s not seen as something shameful, which must be kept a secret.

We’re just beginning to understand the range of various events women go through in their lives, and how they are affected by their hormones at different stages. Many of us have been through pre-menstrual syndrome, early pregnancy weepies, emotional storms in labour, 3rd day baby blues, postnatal depression, lack of sex drive due to breastfeeding etc. Something that hasn’t been talked about as much is post weaning depression.

Post Weaning Depression

Any woman who has been able to develop a good breastfeeding relationship with her baby knows it’s very pleasant to breastfeed. You can slip away into a blissful dreamland while your baby does the same. It’s addictive, like crack for your brain. While you are breastfeeding, your brain is releasing lots of delicious bonding hormones to go swimming throughout your body, which make you feel really good.

When your body is used to feeling so good and bonding with your baby — especially if you have been doing this for quite awhile — stopping can cause a major upheaval in your body. It can trigger emotional ups and downs. The difference between producing milk, enjoying the hormonal blessings of feeding and not doing it anymore can seem like night and day.

I have six children, and had been either pregnant or breastfeeding from 1993-2005. As you can imagine, I was kept very busy, but even more than that, I had a feeling of definition to my life. I knew what I was supposed to be doing and why. The relationship between a mother and a baby is pretty well defined as care-giver and care-receiver.

Of course I have other children, but much of my relationship with them was intertwined with the breastfeeding relationship between the baby and myself. I had to care for the baby and breastfeed, and my older children simply seemed to accept it. They got a lot of attention, I just always had the baby in my arms. So we often did activities or stories and other things in a big pile, like a pile of puppies.

I have always been a big believer in breastfeeding. My mum breastfeed my seven younger siblings, and I always knew that would be how I fed my babies. I weaned them as the next one was coming along, when I was close to giving birth. Fiona was different. She was our sixth child and we didn’t plan on having any more.

Because I always knew it wouldn’t happen again, I approached it differently. I really enjoyed every moment of her babyhood and the breastfeeding experience. I had also finally learned to relax and become zen about the experience of caring for a baby. I would wake at night and not feel resentful, and nappy changing, potty training and everything was just enjoyed and lived.

In 2005, when Fiona was two and a half years old and still breastfeeding at night, I decided to take a trip from Australia to visit relatives around Canada and the USA. I knew after being away for several weeks that she would most likely be weaned by the time I came home. I knew I would have to start preparing my body by winding back the feeds at bedtime and learning more about how to comforting her and help her to go to sleep without breastfeeding. This was fine. My milk started to dry up, although I had a few bout of mastitis before it got to a manageable level.

After The Last Breastfeed

I went away on my trip overseas with my mum, and this was where things went downhill in the little hormonal world of my body. I was more grouchy than usual and irritable. I had a toothache as well, so that didn’t help much. Despite those things, I still had a good trip with some fun times. I got to meet my maternal grandma and some other uncles and aunts for the very first time.

There were a few ‘incidents’ though, which were warnings that things weren’t quite right with my body. I became teary when seeing cousins nursing their babies. I felt like my arms were empty and nothing could fill them. It was a lot like grief. On top of that, hearing a baby crying started the milk let down again, so I would have to go and change my shirt.

When I returned to Australia, my mood swings really started. I would be really happy and enthusiastic one minute, then completely in the doldrums the next. It seemed to go in cycles, and didn’t seem to have any triggers. I learned to make sure I had physical activity regularly and tried to have a regular bedtime (as much as anyone with kids can have), or else I would be up all night with insomnia. I was alert to the slightest noise at night and would wake repeatedly though the night when I did get to sleep.

I had gotten my menses (period) from the time each of my babies started sleeping more than five hours at night or eating solid food, which was usually around six months. My menstrual cycle was about every six weeks, so it was obviously being partially repressed by breastfeeding hormones. My PMS was really bad after weaning Fiona. I started getting ready for menstruation by noticing when I had a crying jag. It would usually start within a day or two. It felt like being a pre-teen all over again.

I started doing doula work around this time, which put me in contact with a lot of breastfeeding women. Every time I was with a woman as she welcomed her baby into the world, I would get a milk let down feeling. The smells of birth would also trigger weepiness, which I tried to handle gracefully. After all it wasn’t about me, I was on the sidelines, supporting someone else while they had a life changing experience.

These experiences actually helped me as well in some ways, as I tried to come to grips at home, learning how to handle my older kids rapidly growing into pre-teen hood. Dealing with my own mood swings helped me to be more understanding of what they were going through. Sometimes I felt a deep sense of loss, even though I knew with my logical brain that I still had my kids and they needed me just as much. It was like my body and brain needed me to find that balance.

I won’t say I woke up one morning and realised I was better and everything was different. It was more like a slow change. I eventually realised that I felt good all of the time, and the moodiness I had lived with for quite awhile had mellowed out. I also noticed my reactions to being at births had changed. I felt happier for the new family, and I didn’t have such an aching sense that I would never experience the birth of my own child again. I was able to be there in the moment and just be happy.

Its been several years now since I realised I had come out of the woods. It still feels good.

There were quite a few things I tried to use to help myself during the hard times, which I have listed below. But before you read my tips, I just want to say that having a chat with a professional really helped my viewpoint as to what was happening with me. Depression can be insidious, and the depressed person doesn’t always realise how bad they have gotten. If your loved ones are noticing behaviour changes and are telling you that you need help, chances are high that talking to a psychologist or counsellor can do more good than harm, even if you aren’t clinically depressed.

Some good postnatal support organisations include PANDA and Beyond Blue.

7 Tips For Coping With Post Weaning Depression And Mood Swings

#1: Get Regular Exercise

This seems obvious, and we should exercise for our health anyway. What you might not know is exercise releases pleasure hormones, which give you a natural high — especially if you do something which causes you to break out in a sweat. That can mean a different level of intensity for each person. I found yoga, pilates and/or a good brisk walk outside works wonders. I recommend outside exercise where possible, because fresh air contains more oxygen, which improves the health of your brain and body. In addition, vitamin D helps to boost your mood and immune system.

#2: Breathe

You know that tightness you get in your chest when you’re stressed? It’s from breathing too fast and not filling your lungs to capacity. Take a few minutes when you are feeling the pressure to just slow down your breathing. Drop your shoulders, close your eyes and breathe really deeply and slowly till you feel the stress drop away.

#3: Regulate Your Sleep And Wake Times

Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day when possible. Regular habits help regulate your hormones. Cultivate a habit of turning off electronics around your house two hours before bedtime, as looking at bright screens tends to keep your adrenal system pumped up. Dim the lights low around the house, mimicking the setting sun. It will help your children become ready for bed as well.

#4: Watch What You’re Consuming

Don’t compensate for tiredness by overconsumption of caffeinated beverages and sugary and starchy foods. These things when taken in excess will break down your health, which will delay getting your hormones in order. Sugar is especially notorious for impacting your hormones.

Instead, make sure you’re getting enough proteins and good fats in your diet. Even if you need to lose weight, these good fats are not your enemy — they’re your friend. Your brain consists of 60% fat, and that fat makes all of the cell membranes in your body.

Regulating hormones requires fats in your diet. Virgin coconut oil, butter, saturated fat from meat, olive oil, nut oils, nuts, avocado oil, avocados, sesame oil, cod liver oil, oily cold water fish, and flaxseed oil are the best fats and oil sources to choose from, as they require the least processing to produce. With enough quality protein and fat in your diet, you won’t feel the need for too much caffeine. Unless you’re already in the habit, in which case it’s a good idea to wind back slowly to prevent caffeine withdrawal headaches.

#5: Have Fun!

Spend some time having fun. Do fun stuff with your family and have regular date nights with your partner. Cultivate your relationships. Have girls weekend getaways to a spa or the beach. Cultivate hobbies which are just for fun and not to earn money from (although that’s a good side benefit), dance, sing, do things which bring you mood up naturally and give you something to look forward to.

#6 : Encourage The Production Of Love Hormones

Stimulate oxytocin in your body by hugging, kissing and cuddling on a regular basis. Spending time with your best woman friends and family can also help boost oxytocin.

Here are 5 ways you can boost your oxytocin levels.

#7: Meditate And Use Positive Affirmations

I really recommend getting in touch with your inner self. Learn about you and learn to love yourself for who you are. A positive outlook can help produce positive feelings in your body. I found Louise Hay’s Power Thought Cards were a really good set of affirmations which you can use to bring yourself out of the doldrums, or write some yourself. Whatever works!

 
Last Updated: December 9, 2015

CONTRIBUTOR

BellyBelly Contributor, Doula, Birth Educator, Breastfeeding Counsellor, Nutritionist, Herbalist, Musician and Mum of Six Beautiful Children.


16 comments

  1. Thank you for writing this. I just weaned for nearly the same reason, after 13 months. I thought that after two weeks without nursing, my daughter would have moved on. But she hasn’t and last night tried to open my shirt and, cried, begging, saying “mommy’s milk please!” I refused her, because I’m leaving again in a few days for a week, and I don’t want to confuse her, but I’m feeling so incredibly guilty, and sad! I felt engorged all day today, so I pumped just to see, and still made an ounce in each side! Trying to read, get ready, prevent depression before it sets in full course! Thanks for sharing your story, and advice.

  2. Thank you for sharing your story Priscilla. It’s heart wrenching to separate the breastfeeding bond created between mother and child. metaphorically speaking it’s like finishing the last knot on a long worked quilt that will be the child’s cover for years to come. This is one affirmation I just wrote to help me overcome me and my sons weaning process. Everything we put into the skill will surely pay off, and what a blessing it is to be able to breastfeed our babies and quilt them with so much love at the start of their life journeys.

  3. Thanks so much for sharing. lately my baby has been biting me so in the past 24-48 hours we havent really done much breasfeeding. Yesterday I woke up happy but then the slightest little things would tick me off and I was so angry and emotional for the whole day. I couldnt understand why I had all of a sudden turned into some kind of monster or why it took all day for me to calm down. I really apprechiate your tips for being happy. It will help me deal with my emotions better

  4. Thank you for sharing your story and helping me feel not so alone. My daughter is 10 months old and she will be the last baby I ever have as I am now 38 and don’t plan on having any more children but the bond that developed with her breast feeding has been very special and it saddens me deeply to think of ending that part of our relationship. I plan on breastfeeding her until she’s a year old but when I think of stopping I always want to cry. I’ve struggled with depression all of my life and I realize may need professional help with this as it is very hard.

  5. Thanks so much for this, my daughter is feeding less and less as she approaches her first birthday, it hasn’t been a decision on my part but more hers, I’m also away from my husband through the week and these two things have made me feel very sad today, then I reflected on the last few weeks and realised the correlation between less feeding and the emotional roller coaster I have been on. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me see what has probably been happening, I will try your tips and contact my GP too because I have been such a happy Mum that I don’t want my overwhelming sadness to ruin the time I have left before I return to work.

  6. I really appreciate this article. Going through post weening depression right now actually and I didnt realize how much it was really affecting me until now. Thank you Thank you Thank you <3

  7. Just wondering how your daughter was with weaning? I don’t want to wean my 20 month old yet however she still nurses a lot, day and night and I cant refuse her but it does take it out of me. I remember feeling a bit useless after weaning my son and I so don’t want to go through that feeling again.

  8. My son just turned one, and I breastfed all year. I had a trip a few days ago. He didn’t have breast milk at all during my trip. When I came back, he was completely on whole milk. I have chosen to stop cold turkey to not spoil the progress, and I have been so sad. He has wanted to breastfeed, but I think it is best to continue to stop. The nights have been the worst because he wakes up wanting to breastfeed. I know I have to let go and bond in other ways. I’ve got to say that it has been the best feeling this past year to be able to bond with my child and have that special time together. I will miss it.

  9. Thanks for sharing your story! My daughter is 22 months old now and I stopped breast feed her about 4 weeks ago. I miss the feeling, the love, the look of her eyes, her giggle smiles when I breastfed her. Since then, my daughter drinks more whole milk. I am amazed how you can have 6 children, with a busy job helping other women, and a happy family? After 11 years of hsppily marriage, my life is upsidedown since I have my daughter, and for the last month, it is getting worse.. I don’t know what else to do. But at least now that I know my stress and depression level is caused by weaning my daughter. At least I know this is the answer of my feeling of my current family situation…

  10. Thanks so much for this. Have just weaned my third and final baby a week ago, she’s almost 13 mths. I feel shocking today. Haven’t had a normal menstrual cycle yet, so maybe it’s on the way. Good to know there might be some hormonal reasons for feeling so awful! I didn’t notice it while weaning my others but I knew we would have a third so maybe it’s the “finality” also affecting me. Your article is very helpful, thank you so much.

  11. Very interesting article, thanks for sharing your story. My 4-year-old is still nursing a lot, but I know the end will come one day and i’m already tearing up at the thought of it as breastfeeding was a lifesaver for me and my daughter, especially as she was born premature and had gluten intolerance and poor health as a result. Breastfeeding has saved her physically and emotionally, and it has helped me feel close to my child and know that I provided her with all the safety and nourishment i could. I was just wondering about your weaning story though, and couldn’t help thinking that maybe the long separation from your child made things much worse for you, as it seems like a lot to wean AND be away for such a long time? I know i can’t even imagine being away from my child for one night still (or even half a day at this point!), but then again everybody is different! In any case, I should probably brace myself for some crying fits, hormonal rollercoaster and plugged ducts when it happens, as I will not be the one initiating it. I have always imagined my daughter running away from me happily after the last feed, ready to leave me behind, and me knowing that somehow it must be the last feed and trying to keep a happy face so as not to hold her back… something like that!

  12. Thank you for writing this. I am cuurently experiencing the very same symptoms. At 23 months my son is away on vacation with his grandparents. I can tell that its just not me missing him…but its bigger than that… I am doing a degree and working full time and I can barely focus on either of these long enough and my grades are suffering. Not to mention, I have snapped at a few persons at work this week…I have taken a few days off to find me once more…what I know is that I really miss nursing my son…I long for this contact.

  13. I didn’t even know this could happen. I have an 8 month old and it was always my ambition to bf him as long as I could. I have had to stop due to supply issues then having to take medication that gets into the milk. I’m sad and teary. I miss him so much even though we are together all day. He’s angry and waking at night where he used to sleep well. I know he’d fine on formula and he’s weaning to food but I still feel like I’m failing him. We weren’t ready. I’m still making milk (not loads and no pain or engorgement) and I want to feed him so badly its like a pain in my heart. He’s teething and I can’t comfort him like I used to. We are both suffering.

  14. Thanks for writing this. I’m an emotional mess right now, and I was starting to think I was crazy before I realized that I was starting the weaning process in earnest. On top of that, my husband and I just moved far away from our old home. I have no friends. I’m sleep deprived because our baby still doesn’t sleep through the night. The new house is a real fixer upper right now. I’m trying to arrange flights all the way back home to attend a wedding. I’m trying to find a contractor that suits us. And, as if that wasn’t enough, I’m due to get my period any day now.

    So I guess that might be why I feel like jumping off a cliff. Instead, I will try breathing deeply.

    1. Wow Jen, that is SO much going on right now. I definitely think it might be worth putting things on hold for a bit so you can do some self care and self love right now. If you keep throwing more into the mix without having space for yourself, it’s going to implode. It will get better – put you first for a bit x

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