Newborn babies can’t talk, and although they try their damnedest to communicate by red faced screaming, it’s sometimes hard to work out what they’re saying. After months of intensive research and observation, here is a list of some of the things newborn babies would say if they could talk:
1. Here’s how it’s going to work, I’m going to scream every time you put me down. HOLD ME.
2. I have not finished my dinner yet. MORE BOOBY.
3. Oh, not this clown again. Hey buddy, great to see you, now be a love and go and fetch the one with the boobies.
4. Did you hear that funny joke? Sleep. Ha, now feed me, or I will scream.
5. Ay, hey, whaddya mean shlurring? No sush thing ash too mush milsh. If anyone ish drunk here, it’sh you.
6. I don’t want to come across all diva-like, but I’m sitting in my own urine here. CHANGE MY NAPPY!
7. Thanks so much for changing my nappy, mummy, I really appreciate it. Now can you change it again please, because I just pooped in it?
8. Oh dear, such a shame, can’t you reach the remote/your phone/your book from there? Sucks to be you. Zzzzzzzz.
9. For the love of boobies, can you PLEASE stop sniffing my crotch in public? Have some respect.
10. Hehehehe. I was just sick down your back. That was payback for the crotch sniff.
11. What are you smiling at? I’m trying to pass gas.
12. OMG, MUUUUM? MUUUUM? WHERE ARE YOU? IS EVERYTH… Oh, there you are. You were behind a cushion, thank god you’re back, I felt so… OH MY GOD, MUUUUM? MUUUUM? SOMEONE HELP ME, MY MUM….Thank god you’re ok. Wait, why are you laughing? Ok, worst game ever.
13. I thought you weren’t meant to embarrass me until I was a teenager? Why do you keep telling all our friends about the rash on my bum?
14. Wow, that was a great feed. I am full up. I just want to take this opportunity to thank you for all the feeds, I really appreciate it, I know it must be tough, and I think… Ok, I’m starving, feed me again now. NOW.
15. Hahaha, so funny! Sorry, I should probably have warned you that your boob was hanging out before you answered the door to the postman. My bad.
16. Was that the doorbell? Is it visitors coming to welcome me to the world? Great, well then it’s time for a mammoth feed please, get your boob out.
17. Sorry that I just pooped in your bath.
18. Bartender, MORE MILK!
19. If you want to know whether I’ve pooped, just ask. There’s no need to stick a finger in my nappy to check. Oh, and sorry about the poo under your finger nail.
20. Bouncing is fun. Sorry I was sick in your mouth.
So now you know what your baby wants to say to you, its time to find out what your toddler is trying to say to you too!