20 Funny Things Babies Would Say If They Could Talk

Newborn babies can’t talk, and although they try their damnedest to communicate in so many ways with smiles, blank stares and red faced screaming, it’s sometimes hard to work out what babies would say to you.

After months of intensive research and observation, here is a list of some of the things newborn babies would say if they could talk:

1. HOLD ME – Here’s how it’s going to work, I’m going to scream every time you put me down.
2. MORE BOOBY – I have not finished my breakfast, lunch or dinner yet!
3. I’M HUNGRY – Oh, not this clown again. Hey buddy, great to see you, now be a love and go and fetch the one with the boobies.
4. FEED ME – Did you hear that funny joke? Sleep. Ha, now feed me, or I will scream.
5. Ay, hey, whaddya mean shlurring? No sush thing ash too mush milsh. If anyone ish drunk here, it’sh you.
6. NAPPY CHANGE – I don’t want to come across all diva-like, but I’m sitting in my own urine here!
7. NAPPY CHANGE AGAIN – Thanks so much for changing my nappy, mummy, I really appreciate it. Now can you change it again please, because I just pooped in it?
8. Oh dear, such a shame, can’t you reach the remote/your phone/your book from there? Sucks to be you. Zzzzzzzz.
9. CROTCH SNIFF – For the love of boobies, can you PLEASE stop sniffing my crotch in public? Have some respect.
10. BEING SICK – Hehehehe. I was just sick down your back. That was payback for the crotch sniff.
11. PASS GAS – What are you smiling at? I’m trying to pass gas.
12. OMG, MUUUUM? MUUUUM? WHERE ARE YOU? IS EVERYTH… Oh, there you are. You were behind a cushion, thank god you’re back, I felt so… OH MY GOD, MUUUUM? MUUUUM? SOMEONE HELP ME, MY MUM….Thank god you’re ok. Wait, why are you laughing? Ok, worst game ever.
13. I thought you weren’t meant to embarrass me until I was a teenager? Why do you keep telling all our friends about the rash on my bum?
14. Wow, that was a great feed. I am full up. I just want to take this opportunity to thank you for all the feeds, I really appreciate it, I know it must be tough, and I think… Ok, I’m starving, feed me again now. NOW.
15. Hahaha, so funny! Sorry, I should probably have warned you that your boob was hanging out before you answered the door to the postman. My bad.
16. Was that the doorbell? Is it visitors coming to welcome me to the world? Great, well then it’s time for a mammoth feed please, get your boob out.
17. POOP – Sorry that I just pooped in your bath.
18. MORE MILK – Bartender!
19. NAPPY CHECK – If you want to know whether I’ve pooped, just ask. There’s no need to stick a finger in my nappy to check. Oh, and sorry about the poo under your finger nail.
20. VOMIT – Bouncing is fun. Sorry I was sick in your mouth.

So now you know what your baby would say to you, its time to find out what your toddler is trying to say to you too!