Loving Two – How Can I Love Another Child As Much?

Loving Two - How Can I Love Another Child As Much?

Loving Two

When my first born arrived in 2002, I was totally and utterly besotted.

I couldn’t believe I could love someone as much as I loved her.

To me, she was the meaning of love — and life.

But when I thought about having a second child, which was the inevitable thing to do, I didn’t really think about how I would cope with two children.

Instead, I wondered how I could possibly ‘share’ the time and attention I was able to give my daughter.

It was upsetting to think how rejected or betrayed she might feel, seeing me give my time, attention, focus and love to another.

This is the dilemma of loving two.

When I fell pregnant again in 2004, the feelings of guilt and anxiety grew over having to ‘share’ myself between two children. I desperately wanted to feel comfortable knowing it would be just as magical with another baby. But deep down, I was sad at the thought that it would no longer be my daughter and I, sharing every single, special moment together. It would be my daughter, baby and I.

I even shed tears thinking about her missing out on what we already had.

Family members lived too far away to visit regularly, and being the ‘information technology widow’ that I was (if you have a partner working in I.T. you will know exactly what I am referring to!), the days became exhaustively long. My daughter and I would often wake together and go to sleep together. She was my best friend, my rock, my little girl.

And I was about to bring a brand new person into our special relationship.

I knew I would dearly love my new baby, there was no question about it. But the undivided time I had shared with my daughter for the first two years of her life, it would have to be halved and shared, right?

Then, I came across the most beautiful poem, which turned around my thoughts in an instant! I printed out the loving two poem and stuck it to my fridge.

Now, I can share this beautiful poem with those who are wondering the exact same thing I did – how will I be able to share my love between two children? Enjoy!

Loving Two Poem

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

“Loving Two” poem, author unknown (if you know, please tell us!)

I’ve come to realise that it’s nothing to be ashamed about feeling this way. It’s all just part of the vast parenting ‘unknown’ that we only learn from experience — and we all know that parenting is a skill learned ‘on the job’.

We know what it’s like to have one child, but we just haven’t experienced two yet.

When your second child is born, you too will know how true the ending of the loving two poem really is.

On a parting note, know that love doesn’t divide. It multiplies. Remember that special feeling of being head over heels in love with your first — or even your partner? You get that feeling all over again with every single one of your babies. That’s a whole lot of love – just for you!

Today, i’m not loving two, but instead, loving three. And I feel like the luckiest mummy alive.

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Kelly Winder is the creator of BellyBelly.com.au, a writer, doula (trained in 2005), and a mother of three awesome children. She's passionate about informing and educating fellow thinking parents and parents-to-be, especially about all the things she wishes she knew before she had her firstborn. Kelly is also passionate about travel, tea, travel, and animal rights and welfare. And travel.


  1. I needed this- thank you! Thank you! I’m a navy wife and my husband is deployed until November. I’m expecting my 2nd little girl in June. I already feel so bad that’s she is missing out on being with her dad for 9 months and to add an child to the mix makes me feel that more guilty. I have shed tears thinking she will feel like the lost duckling and smiled at the thought of how happy she is going to be about being a big sissy. Her kissing my belly continuously helps as well. Thanks for sharing your story and poem. 🙂

  2. Thank you Kelly, you have changed my fears into strength. Thanking God for you and your inspiration to me on loving two.

  3. Thank you SO much for posting this article and poem!! I have just found out I am pregnant with number two and this sums up exactly how I am/was feeling! I thought I was going crazy, so thank you for making me realise there isn’t anything to worry about and my feeling are normal. I have also printed the poem out to read again if I start to worry. I still can’t possibly imagine having double the love to give, but I’m confident it will happen. Thank you!

  4. Thank you So So much for posting this, I have been terrified of having another baby assuming that my daughter would hate me forever and feel that I had cast her aside. I do hope that I have the same happy outcome that u had because there’s no turning back now as I am in my first trimester! Thank you again and good luck for the future

  5. This is what I needed to read…I’m preggo with bub no 2, and my son is now 3. I’m constantly feeling sorry that I will be needed most by the baby when he/she arrives, and that my loving son will feel left aside. On the other hand I was feeling too guilty that I’m not devoting my affection and excitement to this coming baby, as I had done with my first pregnancy. Thanks for this article, it changed my perspective a little bit

  6. This is such an awesome post and poem; my wife really needed to hear this.
    We have a gorgeous little girl Georgia-Anne and she has spent the last 2 years at home with her. They spend so much time together that they actually work on each other’s nerves, but love one another unconditionally. When I get home from work it’s daddy’s time, and I get a lot of love, but the two of them are really thick as thieves.
    We’re pregnant again, about 5 months in, and it’s a boy! Obviously I’m super chuffed! But mommy is worried about Georgie feeling left out, and the obvious question of being able to love another kid. Point by point you have articulated her feelings in the above article – BUT since she read it, she is so so excited for little Troy to arrive.
    Thank you so much for giving my wife the hope she needed!

  7. Thank you so much , I was feeling like the worst mom in the whole world for having those kind of thoughts, you made me cry , thank youuuuu .

  8. Hi Kelly, thank you so much. I cried reading this because it explains exactly how i feel and then reading the poem has been a great help and i can move away from the grief i feel to know it will enhance my little girl’s world also x

  9. You make me cry.I have same experience with this.My fist dougher Dahamsa” & me shared every thing with me with in 5 years.after second pregnancy I was so much thinking abouth her further with another baby ,how can I managed.after baby came I feel & I learn how to love both share everything with both.I so scared cos I’am only one child in my family.so I don’t have shareing experience .now I very proud abouth me.

  10. I hope that this tale that seems to ring true for so many others who commented will hold true for my little family as well. My biggest difference and concern is age. As we welcome our second son, my first born baby boy will be turning 7! All these years he has been spoiled and doted upon without limitation and now here comes a new chubby happy face to steal the spotlight. I know my son is so excited to have a baby brother but I just hope to find a way to show him he will never ever be replaced in my heart. The poem you shared really pulled at my heart strings and helped me believe that is possible. Thank you so much for sharing and letting all the uncertain and insecure mamas like me know that we are not alone, that it is completely normal to feel this way, but most of all, that we’ll can make it work!

  11. Wow. I have read this post at least 5 seperate times as I burst into tears each time and I cannot get through it without sobbing. I tried to read it to my partner and he and my dog looked at me like a crazy pregnant woman lol.

    My boy is 7 and I am expecting number 2. My boy is my life, my air, my everything and I stumbled upon this by googling “how can I love another child as much as I love my son”.

    Even after reading this I still can’t imagine how I am ever going to love anyone as I do him. We’ve been through so much together. We are so attached to each other like the air that we breathe. I am his world and he is mine. We have such an amazing bond, I fear that child number 2 will change this forever. I never want to lose my little boy. I am really struggling with the concept of loving a child that’s mine less than another that was here first and I have such a deep love for.

    I can’t fathom or comprehend how I will be able to love them equally or differently,and not feel guilty for either of my children missing out on the best of me. Why is life so complicated?:(

  12. Thank.you.So much for that lovely poem i really.needed it i already feel a bit better i just found out i am pregnant with baby no 2

  13. I wish we had never had our second son. The love i had for my first was so strong, like nothing in this world. i worried from 30wks that i wouldnt feel the same about my second and i dont. the life i had with my first is ovet and i cant accept it. I am losing everything

  14. Now I think somewhere I am getting confidence to hold second pregnancy after reading this beautiful article…. Last night I was not sleep due to continuing thought in my mind that whether I should go for second baby or not and if yes what will be the right time… it was hard time and kind of worry .. but now i can see the way of hope in dark … Really. I was very excited for my first pregnancy but now…. thinking for second one fills me with several thoughts, anxiety, worry, fear…. but now I am gaining confidence and I think I can go on beautiful journey again. Thank you all.

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