As soon as you have kids, Christmas becomes magical again.
Long gone are the days of day-long hangovers after overindulging on Christmas Eve – this year will be all about creating memories for your family.
You'll be taking your wide-eyed toddler to visit Santa Claus, watching the school nativity and taking that first family photo in front of the Christmas tree.
Yep, Christmas is a pretty special time of year. Christmas. It’s a time of love, laughter and joy.
Unless you have a new baby in the house, then it’s a time of nappy changes, feeds and sleepless nights. Just like every other day.
Here are 10 Christmas miracles I’m praying for so that I can have a stress-free Christmas this year:
#1: I Find Time To Make A Stocking
My first born has a beautiful homemade stocking that gets hung on the fireplace for the Christmas period.
One Christmas Eve, after she’s left out the amaretto for Santa (what? In our house, Santa likes amaretto), she takes her stocking upstairs and hangs it over the end of the bed. I made it for her very first Christmas when she was 11 months old.
Aren't 11 month olds great? They’re happy to be with other people so you can do secret things like sew stockings.
This time around, I have a three month old who pretty much always wants to be in my arms. Please, Santa, can I have some time to myself so I can make this Christmas stocking?
#2: I Find The Perfect Outfit For Me
I already have beautiful Christmas dresses for the girls, but I have nothing for me to wear on the big day.
Because I had a baby three months ago so my body is not clothes-shaped.
I’ve got Pamela’s bust, Santa’s tummy and hair dropping out like there’s no tomorrow.
The hair loss doesn’t change the shape of my body, but it is probably worth thinking about when dress shopping. I don’t want a white dress that’s going to end up looking strangely hairy. I need to find a flattering dress that fits comfortably and allows for easy breastfeeding access.
That’s not too much of an ask, surely? Oh, and I need it to be cheap and I need to find it in the first shop I walk into so I don’t have to endure the stress of a day-long shopping trip with a young baby. Please, Santa.
#3: Meeting Santa Isn’t Too Traumatising
Meeting Santa is the absolute worst thing about Christmas.
Either I end up traumatised because we’ve had to queue for two hours (yes, that happened. She was two. It was outdoors. It was cold. We had limited snacks. It was terrible). Or my daughter ends up traumatised because she’s scared of Santa.
So why do we go every year? I have no idea. Tradition, innit? Worst tradition ever. I don’t know which of us has cried more tears over meeting Santa, it’s probably about even.
#4: Santa Gets It Right
Please please please make Santa get it right. All of the Christmas presents are already bought and hiding in the loft. If my daughter goes to bed on Christmas Eve and announces she wants a toy I’ve never heard of, I’m going to be royally screwed.
Unless Amazon offer their one day delivery service on Christmas Day and can guarantee delivery before 6am…?
#5: Santa Doesn’t Wake Everybody Up
I am not a good Santa. I am heavy footed and clumsy and overexcited. And I’ve usually had quite a lot of amaretto by the time I have to make like Santa and deliver the presents.
My four year old is a light sleeper, as in, she never sleeps. Last year, I snuck into her room, grabbed the empty stocking and took it into my office to fill it. Then I tiptoed back into her room, stubbed my toe, swore and accidentally rustled the stocking.
Obviously, my daughter woke up and I had to hot foot it back to my office where I hid sweating for 15 minutes before I attempted it again. I could ruin the magic of Christmas without even trying.
#6: We Skip The Four Month Sleep Regression
My first born was a great sleeper. Right up until she was about four months old when she stopped sleeping. She hasn’t really slept since. She’s almost five years old.
My new baby is a pretty good sleeper too, but we’re approaching the four month mark and I live in fear of the hell that will follow. She will be four months old at Christmas (read more about the four month sleep regression here).
If I could wish for anything this Christmas, it would be to skip the four month sleep regression entirely. Or, you know, at least have it hold off until after Christmas. I won’t have a magical Christmas time if I’ve been woken up at 5am after just having dozed off for the first time in far too many hours.
#7: We Have A No-Poo Dress Code
I have special outfits for the girls to wear on Christmas Day. Please, please, Santa, don’t let a poop explosion ruin that.
It’s always the way, isn’t it? The days where the baby dresses in hideous outfits, she stays clean as a whistle all day.
The day I get her dressed up, she immediately craps, pukes and snots all over herself necessitating a full outfit change.
#8: My Daughter Isn’t Too Honest On Christmas Day
We have doting grandparents visiting to shower the kids with Christmas presents on Christmas Day.
At four years old, my daughter isn’t exactly tactful. She always says thank you sweetly, but often accompanies this with an “Oh, I already have this,” or [insert melodramatic sigh] “Not another one!”
She also tears open presents at a terrifying speed that makes my heart hurt for humanity. And she’s not great at accepting that there are no more presents left to open.
I hope that this year she has some tact and manages to get through the whole day without offending a grandparent.
#9: I Don’t Have To Breastfeed While I’m Cooking
I make Christmas dinner. It’s a job I love and one I’m not going to give up without a fight.
Even then, I would win the fight and still cook dinner. That’s how much I love the responsibility of cooking Christmas dinner.
You know that last 25 minutes of food prep, when you need to be doing about a million things at once because the Yorkshire puddings are in, all the vegetables need to be in the steamer and you need to make the gravy?
Yeah, what are the chances I’ll have a hungry baby on my hands at that point?
It’s pretty much guaranteed that the roast potatoes will be burnt and the broccoli will be too soggy thanks to an impromptu breastfeed.
#10: I Don’t Have To Eat Christmas Dinner One-Handed
If, by some miracle, I do manage to cook dinner without having to breastfeed, then eating the meal is going to prove impossible.
Most likely, I’m going to end up feeding whilst cooking and feeding again whilst dinner is served.
I’ll be eating my stuffing one-handed this year, whilst trying not to spill gravy on my breastfeeding baby’s head.
But, wouldn’t it be great, if by some Christmas miracle, I got to eat my meal in peace instead of multi-tasking like a boss?