Lies Parents Tell: 25 Hilarious But True Lies

Lies Parents Tell: 25 Hilarious But True Lies

You shouldn’t lie. It’s bad. But, pretty much all parents will lie to their kids at some point.

These lies range from the odd white lie, to pretty humongous lies. Kids whose parents lie are more likely to tell lies themselves, so the moral is – don’t get caught. How many of the following lies have you told to your little ones?

[Disclaimer: this is a humourous article just for laughs. Comments are meant tongue in cheek, and are not intended as parenting advice].

Lies Parents Tell #1: Oh, Honey, What Beautiful Recorder Playing!

Err, yeah right.

Lies Parents Tell #2: Oh, What Am I Eating? Nothing…

Apart from the eight oreos I just stuffed into my mouth before you walked in the room. But, you know, you’re sugar free because I believe health is really important. For you.

Lies Parents Tell #3: “Sorry Sweetheart, But They Don’t Let Children In The Pub”

They almost certainly do.

Lies Parents Tell #4: “I Wish You Could Come Out Tonight, Too”

I definitely don’t. I’m looking forward to having a proper conversation, dancing to something other than the wheels on the bus, and not having to watch anyone take a dump.

Lies Parents Tell #5: I Think I Might Be A Bit Poorly

Not hungover, ahem. Definitely not from drinking too much wine with the girls at the child-free pub I visited last night.

Lies Parents Tell #6: “Santa Has Been!”

Pffft, then why is my bank balance looking so depleted? And why did I spend my Christmas Eve eating mince pies and taking tiny nibbles out of carrots?

Lies Parents Tell #7: “Wow, Isn’t The Cardigan Nanna Knitted You So lovely!”

Come on kid, work with me here. We both know it’s grim, but let’s wait till she’s out the door before we laugh at it.

Lies Parents Tell #8: “Daddy Loves Doing That, Just Wake Him Up!”

Well how was I to know her didn’t want to play mermaids at 4:30am on a Saturday? He’s certainly never told me that before.

Lies Parents Tell #9: “Wow, Look – A Fairy! Let’s Chase Her!”

My goodness, would you look at that – she’s running the exact same direction I’ve been trying to get you to walk for the last fifteen minutes. What a coincidence.

Lies Parents Tell #10: “The Dentist Said…”

Ok, it wasn’t the dentist. I said it – brush your teeth twice a day, don’t eat sugar and no snacking in the night. But I know you’ll ignore me, so I’m playing the dentist card.

Lies Parents Tell #11: “I Don’t Have Any Money Today”

Oh, what’s that jingling noise? It’s all the money I won’t be spending on crappy toys from the corner shop. Sorry about that.

Lies Parents Tell #12: “It’s Bedtime”

It’s definitely not. Good thing you can’t tell the time, bedtime isn’t for ages. What I really mean is that I need wine now, it’s been a long day.

Lies Parents Tell #13: “I’m Going Home Now”

I know it sounds like I am threatening to leave you. But I think we both know that that will never happen. In actual fact, if you refused to leave the playground, we would just live here forever, next to the dog poo bin.

Lies Parents Tell #14: “The Ice-Cream Van Plays Music When It’s Run Out Of Ice-Cream”

I might be a genius.

Lies Parents Tell #15: “We’re Nearly There”

We’re definitely not.

Lies Parents Tell #16: “The TV Is Sleeping Now”

Or, more accurately, children’s television shows make me want to stab myself in the eye, and I cannot watch another right now. Maybe later.

Lies Parents Tell #17: “I Think It’s In The Wash”

I’m sorry, but I simply cannot let you wear that hideous grandma-knitted 1980s-inspired monstrosity to my friend’s house. You can wear it when we visit grandma, and only grandma.

Lies Parents Tell #18: “We Can’t Do Painting Right Now Because…”

… I can’t be bothered cleaning up after it.

Lies Parents Tell #19: “Oh, You’ve Spilt Milk On The Sofa. Nevermind”

I do mind, actually. If I don’t scrub the heck out of this sofa right now, the whole house is going to smell of rotten milk.

Lies Parents Tell #20: “Yay, Let’s Go To The Park!”

Oh great, the park again…

Lies Parents Tell #21: “Hmmmmm, I See”

No, I don’t see. I have absolutely no idea what you just said to me. I’m really looking forward to the days when you can speak clearly.

Lies Parents Tell #22: “We Like This Book, Don’t We?”

No, we don’t. You like it. I want to pull my eyes out every time I have to read it again. I’ve already read it so many times, can’t I just be swallowed up by a big, black hole in the earth about now? Please.

Lies Parents Tell #23: “We Don’t Have Any Crisps Left Over”

We definitely do, but you certainly wont be finding out about them.

Lies Parents Tell #24: “Of Course, Jump Right In”

Nooooo, I just wanted to have a bath in peace! Argh.

Lies Parents Tell #25: “It’s Ok, You Can Tell Me. I Won’t Be Mad”

I probably will be.

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Fiona Peacock is a writer, researcher and lover of all things to do with pregnancy, birth and motherhood (apart from the lack of sleep). She is a home birth advocate, passionate about gentle parenting and is also really tired.

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