When a couple decides to try for a baby, it can certainly be a very exciting time. But sometimes that excitement can quickly turn into a range of negative emotions.
Sometimes, trying to conceive might take much longer than we hoped or, even worse, could lead to a diagnosis of infertility.
For many couples who join infertility programs, there’s actually no physical impediment to conceive. There are so many factors that can influence a couple’s fertility. Most of these common problems are easily solved. Enjoying sex, meeting each other’s sexual needs and making sure sex is a pleasurable experience all play a huge role in your fertility.
Let’s see why your sex life might have become unpleasant while you’re trying to conceive.
Sex isn’t fun anymore, why isn’t it working?
Trying to conceive isn’t about having lots of sex around the time of ovulation. This can actually bring your libido and sex drive right down.
Sex should be fun and provide physical pleasure; you should enjoy your own body and your partner’s. It should improve your mood and give you a sense of physical intimacy and amazing partnership. Sex should also increase your self-esteem and provide a rich emotional connection that makes you both want to keep having more sex.
When you’re trying to conceive, there are many external factors that could make you lose focus on what you’re trying to achieve. It’s possible to approach sex not as an amazing encounter with your partner but as a mandatory chore that might feel awkward and leave you and your partner frustrated and no longer enjoying sex as much as you used to.
Adrenaline vs oxytocin
Oxytocin is the hormone of love. It’s secreted in high doses when we feel loved and desired, when we laugh, when we spend time with loved ones and when we share feelings or happiness with another person.
Its opposite is the hormone adrenaline. This is the hormone of stress – the one your body secretes when it feels you’re in danger and prepares you to fight or fly.
These two hormones are antagonists: their relationship means that if one is present then the other one isn’t.
Go with the flow
When sex flows naturally – that is, when sexual activities just happen and your sexual encounters are driven by desire – the oxytocin flows in your body, giving you that great feeling you experience from sex.
You enjoy the feeling so much that you want to keep having it; you enjoy sex and you want to have more. Literally, sex drives your relationship and it feels extremely good. Your oxytocin keeps flowing and you keep enjoying your rich sex life.
Sex stops working if it becomes a chore rather than pleasurable sexual contact. When adrenaline, rather than oxytocin, rules in the body, our entire sexual health is affected, our sex drive disappears and we lose interest in sex.
We might even cease to experience sexual pleasure and have no sexual satisfaction. We could even experience painful sex, due to vaginal dryness. Our bodies shut down, to avoid experiencing sex in this way. Added to our low libido, we might even experience low self-esteem or start to have relationship problems.
Male performance anxiety when trying to conceive
Male sexual health is also at stake here. Even when they’re in a long-term relationship, some men feel a lot of pressure about performing well sexually. Having sex when the only purpose is to conceive (as opposed to making sex fun) might affect a man’s sexual performance quite negatively.
Performance anxiety can affect a man physically, to the point where he has a very low sex drive or even temporary impotence because of the stress of the moment.
How do you avoid making sex feel like a chore when trying to conceive?
Here are some ways to keep your sexual relationship alive (and fun):
#1: Reconnect with your partner to experience sexual pleasure
You’re both in the same boat here. Or maybe you’re not. Talk openly to each other about what your current sex life is like now and how you’d like it to be. Identify the reason why the oxytocin isn’t flowing anymore and find other ways to regain your desire for each other.
#2: Treat yourselves to a holiday
Sometimes, all you need to do is to get yourselves into the right mindset. Switch things around, de-stress, make sure you get enough sleep and feel safe again in your relationship.
If you can afford a holiday at this point in your lives that would be awesome. If you can’t, then have a great weekend at home. Dedicate it to spending time together and taking things slowly. When you and your partner give and receive pleasure, it can do some real good to your dormant bodies, reduce stress, boost your low desire and bring your relationship back to life.
#3: Ditch the calendar to boost your sex life
Accept that there’s probably nothing wrong with your body or your partner’s. Remove the stress of having to have sex on certain days and don’t refrain from sex when you’d really like to have sexual contact.
Rebuild that sexual connection you had with your partner before you decided to try for a baby.
#4: Say no to boring or painful sex
If words like ‘boring’ or ‘painful’ come to mind when you’re thinking about your sex experience, then you need a total change of approach.
If you expect boredom, you’ll get boredom; if you expect pain, then you’re very likely to experience it.
The stress of having sex might be enough to cause you to experience physical pain from any sexual activity.
If you’re on prescription medications, they could be the cause of your low libido. If you think this might be the case, talk to your doctor, who might be able to help you regain your sex drive.
How do you keep romance alive when trying to get pregnant?
The answer is quite simple: Stop ‘trying to get pregnant’ and go back to enjoying intimacy with your partner like you used to do before.
I know I said the answer is quite simple but I completely acknowledge it’s often easier to say than it is to do. It takes time, trust and courage to shift your mindset when it’s about fertility.
When you’re trying to conceive it’s not easy just to let go, but now at least you know how to get your oxytocin flowing again.
Partners should enjoy each other physically and emotionally. Make an effort to talk to your partner. What might work for one woman (or man) might not work at all for another.
Research shows that individual sex drive in women is multifactorial; this means it’s important to take the time to talk to your partner openly about it. Finding out what sparks your sexual desire is the way to go.
Is having sex every day bad when trying to conceive?
There is no better prevention for depression than this: ‘An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away’. Okay, it’s supposed to be ‘an apple’ but I couldn’t think of a better way to explain how increasing your heart rate with frequent orgasms cannot be anything but good for your health. The more oxytocin flows through your body, the more likely it will be that you will conceive.
If both of you want to have sex frequently, then go ahead. That oxytocin release your body experiences with an orgasm removes stress from your life and boosts your fertility. Oxytocin is the oil that keeps the wheels of your reproductive system lubricated and in great working condition.
An orgasm is actually number two on the list of events that release more oxytocin into our bodies. If you are wondering which one is number one, it’s the time immediately following birth, when the first meeting between mother and baby takes place.
You can read more about this special moment in 7 Huge Benefits of An Undisturbed First Hour After Birth.
It might also help you to get into the right frame of mind if you imagine yourself in the near future, enjoying that precious moment when you hold your baby for the first time.
Can you get pregnant even if sex isn’t fun anymore?
Whether we like it or not, as long as a sperm cell meets an egg inside your body you can become pregnant. Unfortunately, there are many women who get pregnant after being forced to have sex.
Despite that, sex should be pleasurable for men and women. If you don’t enjoy sex, your health and life will improve if you talk to a specialist about this difficulty. Find a health care provider who makes you feel comfortable about discussing this issue.
A pleasurable and fulfilling sex life is a very important part of our general health.
Is orgasm important to get pregnant?
As we just mentioned, in order to fall pregnant, women just need sperm inside their bodies when they ovulate. However, enjoying a pleasurable sexual life, feeling comfortable and confident in their own skin, and having orgasms regularly are the best things for any woman’s health, whether she’s trying to conceive or not.
Many women have reported achieving levels of sexual pleasure they never knew existed once they’ve achieved a certain level of trust in their partner and are able to let go of prudism and inhibitions.
The program Natural Fertility will help you explore in depth the causes of your difficulties in getting pregnant and will give you information and useful tips to bring your fertility back to its full potential in no time.
A pleasurable sex life and infertility
Although the ultimate intention of sex is actually reproduction you can enjoy a healthy and sexy relationship while dealing with infertility. Trusting each other and enjoying sex and intimacy are of paramount importance while navigating ways to achieve parenthood.
Your chances of becoming parents will increase and, if you cannot conceive naturally, having the right connection with your partner can make a big difference to personal satisfaction.
Read more about this in BellyBelly’s article Trying To Fall Pregnant …Without Losing Fun In The Bedroom.
