Hi Sarah, sorry I haven't poked my head in here for a while, life has been a bit hectic with the loss of my beloved Grandma just 2mths&1d after our precious little man, Alex.
I totally get what you mean about wanting to TTC another baby & feeling odd about the loss we have just suffered. I get totally confused & can go from 1day wanting to TTC, to the next wanting to rip DH's head off for suggesting it. I guess I get stuck in the "what ifs" a bit, like if only it could have happened now coz I would have been almost 29wks & he could have had a chance at life. But I know that that isn't the way to look at it but I just can't help feeling that way. The loss of Alex absolutely devastated me (& DH) & I don't know if I could go through it again. Although I desparately want another baby, I know we are lucky to have one healthy, happy, gorgeous little boy in James, but I still have trouble accepting the fact that our chance to have 2 healthy, happy boys has been destroyed. I find it hard because they look so alike, Alex was the spitting image of James when he was little & even now when James is asleep, all I can see is Alex's little face when I held him after he was born. I'm sorry if I'm rambling, I'll get back on track.
I just wanted to say that I hope you get the tests & reassurance that you are seeking. I know the OB who took care of us & Alex was absolutely fantastic, he did all he could to help. He offered us genetic testing to make sure that there was nothing there to prevent us from TTC again. He is of the opinion that as I've already "cooked" one to 32wks (that is when my son was born) he can't see why we couldn't manage it again. He has also been brilliant in suggestions as to how he would manage another PG in our case. He said he would do vaginal & cervix swabs in the early stages of PG to make sure that there are no bugs there that shouldn't be & then repeat those tests a couple of times along the way. He also said if we ever were worried about how PG (& bubs) was progressing we could make an appointment with him & he would do an U/S to have a look. I honestly believe that if we hadn't of been sent to him I probably wouldn't be thinking about TTC again at all! I hope it helps to know that with all you have been through you are not the only one thinking the way you are. Hope that things are looking up & that you are going ok.
Sending lots of :hugs: your way & take care of yourself