Hey Sarah,

The way you describe feeling 'mixed up' as being not able to get your head into order that day are very much a reaction to grief. Do you find yourself unable to remember things much? I know that this is what has happened to me in the past with deaths in my family, as well as after my m/c's. The brain just seems to get a bit jumbled up for a while I think.

And it's totally natural to have lots of different feelings and emotions at the one time. You can swing between them, or have them all at the same time - either way it's pretty confusing and a bit daunting. I can only imagine how much you miss Katelyn. Honestly, the feelings of missing her will never disappear - they will stay with you forever. It will always be a very upsetting thing, but in time I hope that the hurt lessens just a little bit. I really don't think you can ever get over this - losing a loved one, particularly a much-loved and precious child is just so devastating so it can take an awfully long time to really regain some normality in life. You've lost not just little Katelyn, but all the hopes and dreams that you had for her. Whatever you do, don't feel bad about the feelings you are having because they really are understandable and normal.

Did TTC help me move forward with my grief? Yes, for me, I believe it did. When you have hopes and dreams for something so precious, it's pretty hard to just give up on them. After my first m/c we tried straight away (without waiting for AF) as I really felt I had to move on and that was my only way. During this time I did all the 'memorial' type things that I've mentioned to you before. We were lucky enough to fall PG again but sadly I m/c again and I really felt battered and bruised - physically and emotionally. It was after that that we decided to wait a cycle (plus there were other things in my life that needed my immediate attention) and I think waiting a cycle was the best thing for me - it gave me just a bit more time to adjust to what had happened, to think about moving on and to focus on what it is that I really wanted. So after waiting 1 cycle, we then TTC again and I fell PG again - third time, first time we tried IYKWIM. But yes, I think it has helped me. I've now had 2 EDD come and go and I still feel so very sad for my little angels, but I also have a new little life to focus on and support.

HTH!!